i waited for the reply  
                                                    for hours
                                                                                       and days
it never came

here in this land the rain will not fall
the clouds pass us thoughtlessly
we wait and wait for rain endlessly

in my little desert
under the desert sky
i built you a little home
out of my bones

i fed you tea and fresh bread
which i always made myself
just for you
keeping you alive delicately
always scurrying gathering
things which you love
to nourish your soul

i built a golden shrine for you
it was between my succulents
on my windowsill

sometimes the words are in another world
and you do not love them as much
they do not call for you
sometimes the poems are just clay
they do not form anything but clay
only clay

on the good days, they become the words
that call to you, and you take the words
from their worlds
and use them to articulate yours,

somedays they form in your sleep
and in the morning
you remember and write,
them,
in the mundane notebook
that you have chosen,
anointed to write the words,
the paper that holds them in this world.

you bring the words into meanings more beautiful together
than echoing alone
in their own separate worlds.

feelings that stick to the roof of my rib cage
like stubborn peanut butter
I attempt to loosen with distractions from you
I go running or maybe more walking
I try to run to dislodge these thoughts
maybe I run to become something new
something unknown to you
distant and foreign, unfamiliar

what I really need is to learn a new language
so that it can take up all the space in my brain
cramp you out
I need some time reading a confusing book
so I have less time to remember

these days you're everywhere obtrusively
I am trying to shut you out and forget
I fail and I remember, hopelessly.

all but one recurring hope, I keep.
I hope you think of me -
because I am always thinking of you.

I am a structure
I am waves of emotions (mine are fleeting)
I am a house of thoughts and ideas and colours
(all of my favourite colours)

I am a person
I am organic matter
I am sometimes gold, sometimes colourless (but to be gold is my favourite)

I am both here now and there then (in my memories)
I am a book of all the people I have been (even if only for a second)
I am brave sometimes, other times only breathing

I am a sea of moments that have made me
I am replaying, remembering them always
I am reshaping all the time.

Here I am
Here you were
And I should have said something beautiful to you
because you are beautiful
I should have said something sage and wise but not too heavy
I should have at least given you some words to keep,
since we both knew you couldn't stay.

Should have said something
Should have told you
I have thought of you everyday, I visit your beautiful shy smile from that first night we met
How I wanted to smoke all of the cigarettes you rolled just because you rolled them, even though I try not to inhale
How your hair your eyes your words made my heart dance
You are a piece of art you're rare you're precious metals
I want to love you, want to know you, want to know you, want to listen to whatever you have to say
I want to see everything that you want to show me,
I think of you everyday still.

I'm thinking of you right now