terry-howeWhisper

American
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Love & hateTo live the life that we want is God's way of being cruel for we must earn that way of life. It is said that to love the one we care for the most we must be able to make sacrifices. We are suppose to be created in his image but we alter it constantly. In order to love we must as well love ourselves first. How can we love someone who is taken? How can you love yourself in the first place? How can we accept the fact that they won't love you or say "sorry but you're not my type." Or even "I'm not gay." Humanity is constantly being the same way that we've been for hundreds of years. We try to venture out from the norm but it keeps trying to pull us back in. Society tries to change but it pulled back by those that want it to stay the way it is. We can't learn to love ourselves so we try and have others do it for us. We rely of the concept that there is your soulmate somewhere on this little blue planet in this vast galaxy. We say that they were hmm orn in the wrong time period and that they're not alive anymore or that they haven't been born yet. What if you're destin to be by your own side forever in time until you find you're soulmate in the next life. But what if you're alone yet again with no one to love you for who you are? You find that you're in a depressive state that you can't seem to get out of. You've told yourself that you've loved before and you'll find love again. But you then realize how fast that love was taken away from you. How the person that you care about loves someone else. You don't care about sex at all. You just want to come up behind that person, wrap your arms around them and relax you body while saying that you love them and you just want to be held by them. You want your hair played with and you want the occasional kiss or two on the lips. Soft and warm. You smile at this thought over and over until you realize that it'll never happen or come true. You're eyes swell up and you can feel and see the tears forming. Falling to your knees you cry your eyes out and scream at the top of your lungs when all of a sudden you feel a hand on your shoulder. You look around and find someone there who's having the same problems as you are. He/she stands you up and embrasses you in a warm and loving hug. You calm down and lay your head on that person's shoulders then all of a sudden you find yourself in darkness. You hear the sound of a fan going and also blowing on you. You look around and find that you are in your bedroom. You failed to realize that last moment was only a dream. A dream that you've drempt before but still affected by it. You silently cry as you stand from your bed and turn on the lights. You're not ready for the new day that's come to play but you must because you have to live your life over and over and them the days are merging together and you find yourself stuck in an infanent loop. The same day and thing over and over again. You can't do anything though because it's the norm that you're doing. You've failed to venture out from it and now you're doomed to repeat it forever and always no matter what you do because now you are like the others. Because you've failed to venture so now you must survive the best you can do before you die.
42
Jun 21, 2017
DepressionDepression? Psh so what. But in a way depression is silent. It attacks the mind, body, and soul. It doesn't matter who you are or if you're famous or not. Depression can strike anyone at anytime when you least expect it. It will never leave your side. It'll never let you rest, smile, laugh or be happy. It sticks to you like the way glue sticks to paper. You know that it's there but you really can't do anything about it. It attacks you in many ways. Whether it be a bad breakup, seeing someone you love or care about with another person, not being able to see the ones that you love and know. You're in a hopeless spiral and waves of emotions are crashing all around you as you try to swim away from it all but it keeps pulling you back in in a mindless and endless void of darkness. You try to find your way through it but you have no light to guide you. You frantically search around for something to hold onto of find some sort of light in the darkness. As you are walking you're finding it hard to take the next step. You're slowly sinking in the darkness screaming out for help but no one comes to your rescue. You continue to scream as your face is now in the dark void and you start falling. As you fall you start to think of those that have helped you but then you also think of those that abandoned you. Your eyes start to tear up and swell and you start to believe that no one would be there to catch you. There is no one that'll help you out in your times of need and when you want to say something or cry out for help, you're afraid to even do it because you don't know how people will react or what they will say. It's all up to you and how you even say it. They could leave you or they would understand and help you through it. But you're still scared out of your mind because they could turn their backs on you and tell you to screw off or make you leave them alone for a long time because of what you have said to them. You then have no one to count on anymore. You start to go to therapy for your depression and you tell them what you have done and that you want the pain to stop. They always say to you though that everything will be alright and that things will get better over time and that you just have to wait for that time to come. After a while you start coming to the conclusion that nothing good will come to you anymore. You lock yourself away hiding from the world around you. You become a total shut in secluding yourself in your own comfort zone but you find that you are still lonely and that the depression is weighing you down. It's making you carry it with you where ever you go making sure that you are always in a bind and making sure that you can't get out of it even if you'd try to. Depression is a silent killer. It can strike you at anytime and at any place. There is no running from it even if your in therapy or taking pills for it. It'll still attack you no matter what and when it does, you'll want to give up on everything and everyone. it's just a matter of time.
39
Aug 23, 2015