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Why can't I tattoo
"I'm sorry"
on my forehead
I fell into the trap yet again. I actually believed "things would be different this time." I"m leaving, still not knowing, how to not wear people out.
not a blessing, just a curse
forbidden feelings fester inside
charm lures you in, and
I keep you close
emotions arise and
so it begins

there's no turning back
the cycle has begun
love me, hate you, love you, hate me
the message unclear to me

but it's repeated history
knocking me to the ground

I cower and curl up
I cry and my child appears
someone, see me
save me

I ache with rejection
my world spins
eighteen months
without that familiar vice
sleeping temptation
whispers promises of control

my words are fire
endless thoughts
useless attempts
it's over

the damage is done
toxic terrin has won
I thought I was escaping for real this time. This was my longest run, but here I am. The same story over and over. I hate that I am so sensitive. It is such a rotten deal. Every fiber of my being aches at the thought of rejection. When it actually happens, my head feels similar to when I cracked my windshield with my face. My heart hurts. I'm lonely, but I dare not reach out, because I know how that ends. This is why I stay away. If I really love you, I leave you, because otherwise eventually, I **** up all your time and energy until you resent me. I suffocate the life from you, you leave me, and I hate myself for it. Why would I even try? The toxicity exudes from my being without a chance.
Invades the finite,
Usurps the mortal,
Hovers over finite sentience,
The mortal man I am senses
Stirs uneasily,
Shudders uncontrollably, or
Rises, silently in bliss,
Unable even with a literate mind
To ask, "What meaning lies in this?"
No words can express....
Classes start today; summer's met its end,
The books lie waiting once again upon the shelf
To share the lie that education is the path for everyone
To happiness and wealth.

Those who will and those who won't succeed
File in and settle down, day one,
Segregated, aggregated in their rows of need,
Stamped by labels and by scores.

The gauntlet lies before them:
Papers, deadlines, speeches, tests
To find the laurel winners.
And to **** the needy rest.

"Success is counted sweetest by those who ne'er succeed,"
Old Emily once said, and she'd be right to say it once again
About the battlefields in every school I've been.

This fall I'm taking time to hear
My students' goals and dreams,
Their challenges and hopes,
To say "I see you with my eyes."
I hope to see their hopes arise.

The race is to the steady, Aesop said,
The plodders beat the plotters in their way,
If we who have the gate keys in our hands
Encourage strugglers to stay.
Thinking about the great aggregation taking place in every school, the separating of the winners and the losers, about educational justice.
trudging, I move along
time hesitates not a moment
the frantic beat
causes disarray within
tick, tick, tick

inadequate; alone
fears forms:
shiny, sticky palms
short breath
knotted throat
nothing in; watch out
don't cry, you baby
wait! I'm not finished yet!
tick, tick, tick

left behind
a step or two, trailing my peers
in the distance, I see them
sometimes, the dust from their steps
fills my lungs
and empties me of hope
to catch up
to reach Good Enough
to jump onto the train of contentedness
tick, tick, tick

Is my race less than?
Is my fight inferior?
Time ticks on.
Others charge forward.
Frozen, I fear.
tick, tick, tick
processing the process of life
the absence pangs me
the separation aches in my chest
your touch
your smell
empty, I sit;
your voice
your eyes
waiting, I wonder
waiting, I wander
object permanence escapes
Is this it?
Have you left me?
security untaught
regulation gap
desperate cling and
misunderstood intention
the cyclical mess
I can't undo
Let's have a do over.
Try again.
Let me start over.
Let's go back in time;
Let's be friends again.
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