If we were two books who happened to cross covers
Or over lap tittles,
In a momentary lack of structure
You would find us stacked back to back
As unlikely as a tragedy with star struck lovers..
Happened upon the other
in a library archiving
Written word and lives, and eons worth of soft
Text typed,

I would be a book of Russian poems
Roughly speaking of beautiful things,
With a bare textured cover, a soft sea foam green.
And you would be lost in the meaning,
In the reflections of your wealth
I would give you all the answers you hide inside your self,

You would be of another breed,
Your italic headings speaking of vastly different things,
You would show a thousand places I wish to know,
With a hundred hand drawn maps
Filled to the indentation with
realities greater than my own imagination
with pictures
That capture you, whisper liberation,
You would be the inspiration every trapped
lower class individual looks upon while dreaming up
Vacation homes.
You are the window to the places everyone
Everyone wants to know
Your pages crisp but warm, smelling of vanilla
Not a single scuff, crease, you are not torn.
A soft Carmel brown cover where
A hundred careful fingers hover.

You are probably thinking we don’t belong together.
Not in a library alphabetized and
Split into sections,
Good thing great librarians
Know better, she
Stole us and set us together in her own
Private collection.
There is no where I fit better than
Next to you, pressed cover to cover,
we are becoming  a story of
unlikely lovers,
We are best friends,
Penned from different ink
Speaking different themes
meeting
Resting between book ends designed
Out of clever minds set out to
To fuzz the line between actuality
And your aspiration,
We are just the perfect combination of
Drive and a dream,
The fact you are here means something
And the more I read the more it seems
Together we'll achieve great things.

You are the counterbalance to my mischievous soul.
Providing direction to a wounder-er unsure of where she'll go.

You have become countless breath taking destinations;
Appealing to my wanderlust
pulling from my weary soul
a trust

I would hesitate to think existed,
your presence and persistence
are exceptional,
my perceptions shifted.

Your grin is a force to be reckoned with.
I gave you my will and you bent it.
I gave you my good sense
and you spent it.

Admit it,
you admire my wit,
even when driven to wits end,
we co-exist in perfect contradiction
amending every bit I'm missing.

And when when I whispered we were meant to be,
I meant it.

Its been awhile I think
Sense ink dried un-smeared across
My skin , a page, or anything
To think it leaves me dismayed and I’m ashamed
To ponder what I left caged
What I don’t say and I think
I’ve become the type to leave dark things
Behind heavy drapes in my mind
Nothing escapes this mask
The task is to see the shallow echo in my eyes
And that’s
Simply more than I have right to ask
So know
I’m sorry for my silence
But it’s building violence, escalating in my
Quivering soul and
Soon enough
I’ll explode.
And I know
you will help me glue
the splinters back together
you are a soft coo
Love of mine,
A foothold
You make me hopeful
After I unwind I think
I’ll fall into the sunshine
And try on a smile.

He picked at the edges
For days over days
Until he tore me open
And everything inside me spilled
Red in blind rage
Dripping with everything I never said.
Hid inside lines slipped under the tip
Of my fumbling pen.
Pooling in trembling fingertips
Misting eyes and dampening lips
That hadn't spoken in so long
They gushed
From the dam I broke
**** I’m broke
I’m broken, I've found my edge
Don’t you know loose ends
and nervous hands
Lead to unraveling?
You are maddening
Soak me up, or I will run down the pain
Continue traveling toward something real
Like a rain drop hurtling down toward earth
And I won’t hurt half as much as I do
When I’m near you.

Have you never been in love before?
I felt your breathing tremble, much like my own
You sway into a feeling you have never worn
And I wonder if you even know
What your falling under if
You know the reason you are warm
And cold
And vibrating
At a new frequency and why
After all this time you are seeing me
In all these colors you have never known
If you think I am showing you things
I have never shown
When really I’m the same I just
Lie differently in your new gaze
And I’m just a bit fuzzy in this new haze
And I wouldn't trade it
I just want to know if this is the first time you felt
The light on your skin and basked in the glow
If this is your first time in waters so warm.
I’m watching you stumble into grace
With the wide eyes of a small child
In a new space
And  it becomes clear as you draw near
That you have never loved before.

You are the whisper out of darkness  
Murmured through pursed lips
The dip in temperature
A chill that sits against
The brim of misting eyes
That hides in hopeless sighs
And I think I’ve lost you
To your ghost, your name
Hosts all these bones
In closest mocks me taunts
and worse yet
I fret that all this emptiness
Is just a mockquet
this is leading up to something.
A real piece of work
Titled regrets, lets
Reflect on your unsettling lack of subtleties
My role model , how sad is that
All dressed in drunk swag stagger
A fake front you called confidence
And vulgarity you called humor
I will swallow all these distant dreams
Let you settle in my mind then I’ll call you tumor
Call you tremor call you st st stutter
Call you all the words I never uttered
I could just call you my fathers mother,
But that leads with some misconception
I can’t conceive as an accurate description
So listen I’ll just end this in love and pain and stress
We’ll leave in silence and different pains in our empty chests
I guess we’ll be leaving holding our breaths and i'll just keep on living
with these regrets.

I think you said it my heart beats hard in my head the raw edges of the hole in my chest aches like fingers submerged in frozen wake. Single syllable that makes me weak in the knees . Single word that brings me to a harder place where my heart would bring me to the floor I would sob until I couldn't any more and I was lost in unrequited love locked in all my pain. My chest constricts head rolling over feelings mixed at the thought of feeling safe with my guard down with sharp syllable like that being thrown around. Did he just call me? No he didn't say..