I used to think I was different.
That something about me, set me apart from other girls.
In truth, I was the same.
Everything about me was ordinary.

I would say I had a sense of gentleness
When really,
I’m just another sensitive little girl.

I only feel worthy when my clothes are on the floor.
I only feel worthy, when playing a *****.
Half alive, heart still beating
Head above water, yet I’m barely breathing.
I’m a mess; only secure when I’m getting undressed
I feel thats my purpose.
Without my body or looks,
I’d be worthless.

Sometimes I just need the world to stop.
I can’t take the motion of life spinning in a blur.
Things move too fast, I lose my balance.
Then I fall.
I don’t like falling.
It hurts, it’s humiliating.

I lay in the grass, watching the clouds
Head spinning at the speed of earth
I just wanted things to stop.
A giant super nova and BAM!
Oblivion would take place.

Life would stop in a swift movement.
Light reaches earth at a speed of 7 minutes.
We’d have 7 minutes of unknown bliss.
Then we’d all die.
Life itself would cease to exist.

Maybe we weren’t meant to fit
Perhaps we weren’t the correct puzzle pieces.
You could say we were trying to force it.
But that’s how I do puzzles.

I force pieces together, that clearly don’t go.
Red goes with blue,
Green goes with yellow.
It’s abstract I say.

Were we abstract?
Or maybe we weren’t meant to fit.

I drink before seeing you
I drink before seeing you because alcohol helps me make bad choices.
And you are a bad choice.
Or maybe it just allows me to place blame not on myself, but again the alcohol.
I open myself up for you, I spread my legs and let you take me.
I want it.
But I know it’s wrong.
It’s a bad choice.

It may sound stupid or vain, but I know I’m pretty. Well maybe not pretty, but attractive. I know I’m not bad looking or ugly, but I’m not a typical beauty. I know I’m not beautiful. I’m not one of those girls where you look at them and marvel at their faces and wonder why or how they got to be so beautiful. I fall between the cracks, with me in lamest terms; I’m pretty. Not beautiful, gorgeous, or stunning, just pretty.

Blue with red surrounding my eye;
You ask if I was crying;
Rather you think I was high.
Vulnerable, or ******;
You’ll never know

"I miss you"
Let me tell you what you miss:
You miss the way how you'd wake up first and watch me sleep just for a few more minutes, how I looked so peaceful and at ease in your arms. You miss the way I'd tease you, calling you silly names that I would make up in my head that were weird to pronounce.
You miss the way I would touch you; passion igniting from my fingertips, warmth filling you after a cold days end.
You miss the idea of me. The things we used to do. Those were a few examples of the good things. When dealing with sorrow it's easier to look at the good times and say "I miss that." Not to get confused with "I miss you." You don't miss me. Even if you did you wouldn't want too.

My words cut deep, leaving a metallic taste.
Chocking on arsenic, my tongue toxic.  
My lips drip poison, you taste me turning sour.
I'm bitter.
Now you're choking, I try mouth to mouth.
Killing you slowing; unknowingly.

I feel as if I'm a run off sentence; not knowing what I'm trying to prove.
An empty lighter, only able to give a spark. A marker, unable to make a mark.
I often feel chronically depressed, one of the lonely; just like the rest.
Beauty in the soul, or beauty from my chest. Pick which one you'll love me for best.

He gets to me
with his, 90's hip-hop heartbeat.
He treats me sweet
when we're hanging in the streets;
Even when his boys hang around.
We laugh and smile, and share stories,
not caring if we wake the neighbours,
no thoughts about who wins the glory.
We call ourselves "Tumblr goals"
That's just a new way of saying
"Let's grow old."
Your chest against my head,
my favourite spot to be.
No secrets, no lies;
just you and me.
So take my hand, I'll guide you home
Just you and me, and
me and you alone.
He's my knight in a wutang hoodie
When I'm sad he'll come love me,
he'll call work and play hooky.
Thank you for being one of a kind
Thank you for being mine
I write this poem for my boo,
to show how much I love you!

Guilt and shame;
Look at the definition,
There's my name.
Demons inside me,
Named turmoil and hate;
Judging my actions,
Anxiety they create.
Drowning in fear,
Gasping for breaths.
Will the darkness end?
When can i rest?
Melancholy, nicknamed blue;
Is this who I am?
Or is because of you?
Worn down and helpless;
I can't find my strength.
One of the young and reckless.
Can't find my place.
Woken up to unwanted kisses.
Woken up in fine lace.
Another midnight lover,
I feel beautiful.
I feel wanted, when under the covers.

A blissful kiss, from innocent lips;
Holds the impurity, while hands rest upon grown hips.
In your ebony solitude, craving your dark desires;
I approach you, eyes burning bright like a fire.
Fingertips touch, who's the first to cower away?
Eyes blazing, I stand my ground; I stay.
Your eyes shade away, pulling you into misery; committing crimes of pain compelling your sinistery.
Your touch now cold, your skin now grey, ashes to ashes memories start to fade.

Welcome, to the tragedy of my mind.
This distortion you see, you feel;
It's mine.
Take a peek inside, you'll be surprised.
Bright colours, radiant,
And thoughts  scream in my dreams;
Disorganization, puts me sleep.
Unscramble my words as they stay itching at your ear.
Say it out loud!
What's there to fear?
I'm the sunset!
Exploding across your indigo skies!
But you were the night.
You extinguished my flame,
You turned out the lights.
I was a bright orange, but you remained dark.
You turned my vibrant sunset,
Into nothing but burnt embers.
Now I can't conjour a sunset,
I don't remember.
Shades of grey float in my mind;
Words, dull and tasteless,
Falling flat to your feet.
Thoughts of lonliness comfort me to sleep.

"I realize there is really nothing to lose. We're all apart of life and that makes us something. It makes me believe I'm apart of something bigger"

"I want to believe I have a purpose but sometimes I forget that I have one"

"Alone at night when the sun is setting lay in the grass and focus on how the grass feels between your fingers and toes, and how beautiful the sky looks. Appreciate the worlds beauty, and in return it will appreciate you. Notice the universe and the universe will notice you"

You say to me
Baby I miss you  
Well I miss me too
The way I walked with a bounce in my step
A smile plastered on my face,
I gave you my heart, but now I've been replaced.

You're just a bullet to my brain
Lodging it in, so I feel okay.
Cause since you shot me
I've seen nothing but snipers,
Where a photographer should be.
Baby take a picture, you've killed me.

I touch my skin, with ecstasy igniting from my finger tips.
I leave a burning taste, fresh on my lips.
My whole body tingles, flowers begin to bloom.
Hold me, trust me; let me in your room.
Tell me things you've never told before,
Love my free spirit, watch me soar.
Many years dead flowers laid upon my wake,
For many years that's where they would stay.
Till the day you smiled and I fell in love with feeling again.
Flowers now blooming from all the tears I shed.
Bright colours shine, along my grave.
I understand now, it had to be this way.
My heart had to die before I could be alive again.
I had to allow myself to move on,
Become my own best friend.
Dwelling in the past only hurts my heart,
But never visiting this chapter would tear me apart.
I've made peace with what's within me,
I've done it, my sins confessed;
I'm free being me.

There was a once a time in my life,
Where I would rather be someone's second choice, or last resort; than being depressed and lonely.
I looked for diamonds under rocks,
Trying to find love in guys I knew were no good.
I felt so lonely inside. I tried to mask the pain; having *** with friends, trying to fill a void that will never be filled.
I was used up, sad and really broken.
I found my strength within me, every tear I shed has helped me move on.
I had control of my life the whole time, I was just made to believe I didn't.
As I look back at the broken girl inside me she smiles, forgiving me finally.

A smile is just a thing on the face
It hides your true feelings
It shows your joy
It holds your doubt
It shows your love
It covers your jelousy
People miss read are smiles all the time
You smile when your talking to a person you hate
You smile at a person you love
Your smile holds hate and disgust
It holds love and beauty
It appears when someone tells a good joke
It appear when people ask what's wrong
It appears when the camera man says "say cheese"
It appears to hide your tears
It appears at a good memory
It comes and goes as it pleases
A smile holds so much
Whether good or bad no one knows
It's your job to look at a smile and see what it really means
A smile is just a thing on the face

I'm young, ugly, and depressed.
Walking among the lonely; those half dressed.
Drinking in our closets, feeling liquor is your only friend.
Wasting our youth; too busy waiting for the end.
Forget about peace! The war of life has just begun.
It's no longer common to trust others with our daughters and sons.
Too busy smoking heavy cigars, waving around your guns.
Hopelessness is found in broad daylight.
No longer down a dark shady street.
The ugliness of hate, controls your fate.
Trying to find love in all the wrong places.
Finding self worth from other people's faces.
Toxic lies, start sounding real.
Disguised within the new trends.
Society telling us how to feel.

Snow so cold
So beautiful to the eye
Yet she Sits in the dark
Searching for the man inside
She lacks no intelligence
Yet, she searches with might
Trying to find courage
To win her fight
The battles are gallant
Doesn't seem quite so
Snow will do
what snow does best
Snow will fall
Letting the darkness consume her tattered soul
Would it be much easier
To give in to the darkness
blood pours from snow
Making white turn from red
From red to almost crimson black
It looks more horrid than it is
When they burry her body;
The song of death will play
After years of hearing it in her head
Others will hear instead
They will cry and hurt
Over the blackness
That ruined the purity of snow

I often like to lay; eyes closed among the ground, silent breaths, I make no sound. These are the times I myself wish that I would cease to exist. It starts getting lonely, your only friends are those marks on your wrists. I've been too busy hiding from others, but now I look around it's just me hiding under the covers. Under the blankets safe and warm, a place where dreams go to die. I feel unworthy of a compassionate touch the way it feels to hate my reflection, I'm the only person I can't love. I give second chances to everyone but me, it seems I myself is what's holding me back. Holding me back from being free

The crow will come for me, fear not, I am not afraid. I kindly greet the beast, not hesitating  to get on his back. Confused is he, for he didn't even have to ask. As I slip into thy slumber the beast of the night whisks me away. On his back we fly into eternal darkness. He knows I won't be back, yet he assures my loved ones lies. He comes back time to time. Teasing and taunting the ones I hold so dear. "Will she ever come back ,and mend our broken hearts?" Do they not get it? Do they not see? Once along the crows back they're is no returning to the place I felt safe. Yet the lies come tumbling out of the fowl, "perhaps someday when the sun sets high, greeting the moon not just passing her by" The hope that flutters through there hearts rips me apart. Alas if I was not dead, it would break my cold heart. They will never see me again, not even when their time is at it's end. When the crow ushers them on his back, even then I will not see them. I am too far gone, smothered in darkness. This happened years ago when my heart turned cold, and my world began to snow. So as the raven greeted me offering his warmth, of course I'd climb aboard. Anything to escape the winter in my bones. For I am selfish and needed relief, I ended the blizzard, and set myself free.

"You took your hunting knife and stabbed it in my back."
"Swiftly but not quickly, I was your precious prey."
"You caught me in a frozen state; taking advantage of the young, I was your prey."
"I thought that you loved me, I thought that you cared."
"But now I see the evil deep inside my daddy."
"Trusted him when I knew so little."
"Rookie mistake now give me a break."
"Those dagger eyes, piercing with grey, haunt my dreams and in my wake."
"I've let you define me, marking me with all kinds of pain."
"Bring my brush and paint, I'll tell you a story."
"The story of me, growing up saying sorry."
"It wasn't anyone to blame but him."
"Tore apart my soul, left me with no childhood."
"Trying to play the innocent father, but you shed the blood of your innocent daughter."
"Mother didn't know, what step daddy did."
"She was in love with him after my real daddy left.."
"That's what I don't understand, what type of man, takes away the trust of a child, right after her heart was healing?"
"Did you even think about the wounds you we're reopening?"
"My stomachs filled with moths, where butterflies should be."
"Eating at my insides,screaming internally."
"I always thought I could get rid of them."
"Only knowing one way how.."
"Selfish and cowardish, but I needed out."
"I needed help escaping my hell."
"Take the paint brush out of my hands, and carve your initials into my heart."
"In your sick way, you're always with me."
"You helped dig my grave."
"Good bye daughter, good bye sister."
"You took the life of a person, I wasn't a doll."
"Even dolls don't last forever."
"Now drop my casket into the ground, shocked and unaware."
"You'll be there with a smirk on your face."
"You broke me daddy, you won."