i’ve hated u for a long time.
u took everything from me
my home, family, faith, happiness, and sanity
u were angry
so angry u hurt us
and so drunk u didn’t remember
i wanted to get away but i couldn’t escape
do u know who u r or what u have done?
u have turned into the man that u hate the most
and don’t seem to care
u have hurt ur only son
who doesn’t understand and u know better
a full grown man is supposed to have more empathy and sense than a child with disabilities
yet he won’t call u dad anymore
he even knows better
i want my life back
i want u to not be so blind

but now ur sick
and i don’t know what to feel
now i’m scrambling for guidance
and u don’t even have a clue

we all hurt
but someone out there
is hurting worse.

we don’t consider that though

we don’t know what we have until it’s gone

i told u so
she doesn’t love u
she admitted it

a trauma suffered by the innocent
was the picture painted.

that little boy deserved love
but just sitting next to him in that police station
told me he got the opposite

he had burns on his legs
and bruises on his face

he was only 8

u can love her
just don’t forget me in the meantime

that always seems to happen

i’m not happy.
and i don’t want anyone
else to be.

i will suffer the consequences of my choice
if i ever make one

i’m lying to you and just can’t stop
because you love me
and no one else does.

i’m blind.
i can’t see the future
the consequences
the choices.
but i can see you
and i wish i hadn’t

jealousy makes us wicked
makes us hurt
makes us feel.
even when we don’t want to
even when we don’t believe we should

the worst people in my life
have taught me the most

accepting sadness is hard.
harder than it should be.
and i often think that acceptance
simply wasn’t meant for me

it seems as though
only a month ago
i would **** for you.

we are toxic.
you miss me and resent me because of it
ashamed that someone like you
could love someone like me.
so you burry your emotions under other girls.
and i think that’s okay.
because we are both moving on slowly
we are both tired
we are both hurting

your past is not an excuse for your actions
yet it is an explanation

it’s easy to be sad
when you have nothing to live for.

a weight has been lifted
and i can

B R E A T H E

again

i have begun to live day by day
without my worries
which i have now left behind.
and living has come easy
all thanks to You.

your words mean nothing to me
but i want you to keep talking

i've been held hostage
in a home
that is overflowing
with a silent
yet deafening rage

deception will forever be
my greatest power

when we had no family
no friends
no hope

we held on to each other

secrets come back to haunt you,
i am just learning that the
hard way

i’m just not cutting it anymore.
and you are lying straight to my face

no, i didn’t forgive you
out of love mercy or
sympathy.
i forgave because
someday i would need the same
treatment

he only wants to be understood

you claimed the sky
and i kept looking up.

what was kept from me
was never actually refused.

i sat and watched her crumble you
to pieces. and you were only amused by
the fact that this meant my world
was falling apart.

you made others numb with the
words you put together in order
to open their minds,
and though you referenced death
you never meant to bring it to life,
in fact your whole purpose
was to cure the others
who felt helpless.

you forever changed my perception
of emotion, and i need you in my life.