The money that’s left in my bank account
wouldn’t buy a small stuffed animal
red-tagged, discounted, at a garage sale.

I never believed I would be more terrified
than the time I truly believed I could fly
I split my lip open in a creek,
you can still see the scar when I smile.

So, I’d like to confront the person who once told me
"Life gets less adventurous and dangerous as you grow up"
because that was clearly the biggest lie
next to being told that high school
would be remembered as the best years of my lif

I’ve never found charm in speaking
words that you don’t mean
or falling over sentences
struggling with broken speech
the same way that I have never found home
in the body I call mine
that internal war I fight
between my heart and between my mind.

The world will never understand
why I tremble in daily conversation
I cause confusion in my thoughts
skipping over words in trepidation
But miscommunication then turns to judgement
without a second glance
and your lack of hesitation destroys me
tracing it’s steps into my one woman war

Well isn’t that just like your fears,
setting you up for failure?

I’ll stand on the ***** of my feet
to make myself seem taller than I am.
Fearless, brave, strong, restless.
A leader cold and distant but
I was only casting shadows

Soon my hair will settle at the nape of my neck
and my toes will become too sore
a coward broken, sad, and discouraged
rotten to the core

For being fearless, brave, strong, and restless
has made me a far cry from that fierce leader.
Now I lay weak, restless, and defeated
with looming knowledge that tomorrow
will be the day this battle starts again.