I found freedom in a bottle.
I rid myself all thoughts of you.
I found love halfway through the bottle.
I need no other man than Jack to get me through.

When I drank all of my whiskey,
I smashed the bottle on the floor.
I quickly came to realize I didn't want
Whiskey anymore.

Reflected in the shards I thought I may have seen your face,
So I searched and scraped and bled for you, who left without a trace.
Picking through the shiny pieces I had come to find,
I already knew where you had been the entire time.
You were the glass I accidentally swallowed,
And you were shredding up my insides.

Salt.
Running from my eyes and my nose.
Salt.
Flowing down a stream of my woes.
Salt.
Touching my lips, burning my irises
Drying and cracking
My face.
A too-familiar taste.
Salt.

You're twiddling your thumbs,
Tugging on your shirt.
I see you break
Into a cold sweat.
Watch your knees shake,
I know you're nervous.
And you radiate unsure
But you just breathe,
Until the twitching stops.
Calm down a little,
Say what you planned.
Four most dangerous words
In the English language,
We need to talk.
**My turn to worry.

I can't help but doubt you or
Your loyalty
My heart clutched by fear
Insecurely, I worry
that I'm not enough.
Insincerely, you assure me,
No need to think so much
My mind is on fire
The Pressure
is creeping.
Slowly but surely
gripping my throat
It has left me breathless
and blue.

promises shatter like
broken glass on a hard floor.
i can't breathe.
my stomach is churning.
i'm sweating -- you should be.
torn down is all that we've built,
and i'm feeling it.
i'm feeling myself wilt.

In a moment where time stood still,
The stars glistened and sparkled,
In the black sky above us.
The true immensity of the universe
Was more than we could understand,
But we were aware; It was beautiful.

The moon perfectly round
to our imperfect eyes.
Concrete at the surface, but porous.
Maybe hollow?
It hangs luminous and low.
It hangs low and it hangs sad.

Perhaps the face in the moon wasn't
Always so blue?
In the days when the earth remained untouched
and the Earth was beautiful, too.

My eyes sting. I blink hard, grit my teeth,
Holding everything back.
I try to leave before it begins, but I can't
One look, and my barriers are broken.
The dam comes crumbling down.

I open my eyes,
Or the floodgates to my heart.
Silent screams escape my throat.
My face red with heat and hurt.
My lungs are pained.

I am shocked to my core
by
an unexpected and powerful
dry heave.
Nothing comes up
but feelings I thought had
long gone.

I wish this could be different,
I whisper.
Emotionless you reply,
but only with your eyes,
*But it isn't, so...

A beautiful nightmare,
Soft and poetic, honest and sad.
A bittersweet memory relived again.
Recognizable, however, twisted in your
Dreamy trance.
Stir in your sleep,
Awaken in cold sweat
You rattle.
You remember.
Freezing is not cold enough.
Hell's fire could not warm you.
Just breathe.

For a moment
You are nothing
and You are Everything.
All at once
You are calm
Tranquil
Peaceful
Quiet
Until your nightmare
repeats.

Pale, you lie in the moonlight
The breeze offers a chill
You accept by allowing the hairs
On your neck and
On your arms
To rise

Breathing softly, you are peaceful
With the tranquility of
Perfect Meditation
You really are not present
Not near to me at all
Rather somewhere better
And more beautiful

You open your eyes to find
You have not left where you began
Disappointed, you sigh and
and look down

But I look at you
One glance that said,
"I love you."
A distant memory of mine,
A message you'd never receive.

Last night I dreamt of you.
I did not see you, but you were there.
You could call it a nightmare,
I suppose,
But only because I could not find you.
The sad fact being, you did not want
to be discovered.

“Seek and Ye shall find.”
But I have sought
and have not found.

I was looking for you.
You, who has hurt me worse
And more often than
Anyone before.
Broken my fragile heart
Into five billion pieces
Time and time again.
Yet, I always forgive.

Perhaps I was not looking for you,
But for an answer instead
To a question that has been
Burning
In my head and in my heart.
*Why?