Call a doctor/ plumber/ priest
My heart is broken/ leaking/ deceased
My life is worthless/ so much better/ over
I'm going to **** myself/ tell your wife/ Dover
How could you leave me/ not know/ lie?
I hope you return my stuff/ come back/ die
I'll never forget you/ forgive you/ go away
I need closure/ a DNA test/ to tell you I'm gay
Your face/ crotch/ top of your back
Is so beautiful/ lumpy/ unusually slack
Your ex/ mother/ best friend from school
Always made me great coffee/ feel inadequate/ drool
I will miss you/ **** you/ stalk you forever
That way we can be friends/ get away with it/ be together
I'm sorry you did this/ I did this /we failed
I promise to pay you/ dye it back/ get you bailed
Please don't leave me/ show the Polaroids/ write or call
(*delete as appropriate, just delete it all.....)