"He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself"

because please tell me how i am supposed to trust with all i've heard,
trust with the words you spoke of
turning bodies into jokes and filling my ears with words that have nothing more than an intention of being evil,
laughing and talking words of some of my own insecurities

please tell me how i am supposed to trust when all the men i have ever had to deal with have turned their backs,
physical abuse or emotional
smacking me in the face with their hand or their words,
regretting me and pushing me off,
acting as though i was nothing but an ugly girl or just a needy little fool begging for their love

change my mind and please prove to me that not all men with leave me crying a countless number of tears,
countless hours of me too hurt to get up and move from the spot they left me laying at,
reminiscing on the words they spoke to me;
their daughter or their ex

i am wounded by a number of men
and you scream to me to trust you,
you scream to me that you would never ever do anything to hurt me,
even when we part,
you want me to trust you
and i cannot find myself to it

because darling,
if you try to trust one after another
and they all seem to break it the same,
how can you find yourself to trust again?

you are
the words
that flow from my mind

you are
the shine
that fills in my eyes

you are
the inspiration of all i do
and i really think
i love you

a year ago
i merely knew your name

a friend of friends
but nothing more

who would've thought that
you would pick me
and i would pick you

this world can be so cold
ugly and mean for a girl like you
your fresh eyes don't see what
all they've expected as a young girl

but think about the sun that shone
down on you in the morning
think about the boy you have laying
next to you as happy as can be

think your way to a happy world
you're a fresh girl with a fresh mind
a girl who's time is not too late to be
happy

in your darkest times
you reach for the bottle
running from your problems
drinking the night away
along with those memories

but darling
just one drunk night
repeats after another
and you will fall into the habit
and lose yourself

and since forever
i thought i was actually going to be okay
i actually thought i had gotten over you

but then i heard my name escape your lips
and your eyes follow the shape of my body
and everything that i felt the minute before
crumbled to the floor
and i was back in this misery

my slurred words that night
were not let out for your lust
when i said no
teasing was not my intention
i was not asking for more

my mind hazy
and left contemplating
but the alcohol in my veins
would not let out more than a no
my limbs were weak
and you had full control on me

the night went on
and i finally gave in, gave up
your persistence was not fading
and time was not letting me leave

the weight of your body atop of mine
my eyes closed
i wanted to be somewhere else
with every trace your fingers left
i knew i'd scrub that part for a countless number of minutes after

my mind sober enough to know that
this would all be over soon
also sober enough to bash myself
mad for being a tease
or even tempting him

how could i be so dumb
showing so much skin
with my outfit or the way i spoke
how could i not have expected to be touched