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Mar 2017 · 323
too far
amanita Mar 2017
i have been moving forward for years, never stopping
everything has overwhelmed me and eaten away at my being
but i still moved on
i've hid from my deepest thoughts,
buried them deep inside
kept moving without looking back

but standing here today i see everything that i skipped over,
everything that has festered and crept up behind me
so close that it invades my thoughts
taken over, there's no turning back
this is bad
Mar 2017 · 545
broken windows
amanita Mar 2017
how scared you must be
to be exposed to the elements
with all your windows broken in
and all alone
Mar 2017 · 340
amanita Mar 2017
an itch in your shoulders
that you cannot scratch
you try to ignore it
but it demands
to be heard
Nov 2016 · 1.1k
amanita Nov 2016
crooks of elbows
backs of knees
where the thighs touch
Oct 2016 · 951
Still Cold/ Pathway Private
amanita Oct 2016
The air pierces my skin
My breath fogs up in front of me
as I walk alongside you,
in this hidden pathway
I look at you
you are so beautiful
There is warmth in my cheeks
but it is still cold
May 2016 · 1.6k
amanita May 2016
Like the hands I allowed my cat to scratch
and my unvacuumed floor and unwashed bed sheets,
And the ability to go outside and improve myself
I took you for granted.
im sorry
i made a lot of mistakes
Jan 2016 · 226
Any Emotion
amanita Jan 2016
Drowning in my own head
What do I do?
Losing control
losing control
I fear I've lost myself
No control
no control
Sep 2015 · 334
amanita Sep 2015
My head is buzzing.
I can't control it.
I need to settle down,
Let sleep come and
drag me lower,
Allowing me to rest.

But my bed is hard
and unaccepting of my
attempts to sleep,
So I lie awake.
All I want is to escape
into a state of unconsciousness,
so I don't have to feel.
Sep 2015 · 577
/like this/
amanita Sep 2015
I look at my skin in the fogged up mirror

and I don’t see any redness

no dots

no blemishes

and I think,

“why can’t it be like this all the time?”
Jul 2015 · 496
amanita Jul 2015
I approached the door, as something caught my eye
A glimpse of a person,
a wishful hi
Something inside me was filled with terror and glee,
but I soon realized,
the reflection,
it was only me.
Apr 2015 · 688
Unnamed #3
amanita Apr 2015
Chocolate eyes pair with your brunette hair
your gentle but firm grip on my hand,
fingers lightly tracing circles in the spaces between my knuckles,
How can you feel so warm?

Your touch lifts dead weight in my center;
I feel light and airless
Your warm and enveloping scent
Comforts me,
Calms me,
makes me feel like nothing is wrong in the world.

Your voice is so deep but high
slightly groggy and dark
What would it sound like if I woke up next to you?
I could listen to you talk for hours my dear,
a soothing voice among this sea of shrills.
you guessed it
i gots me a cute boy
also its slightly unfinished but i like where it ends so
Apr 2015 · 1.9k
I need you
amanita Apr 2015
You linger.
I desire for your body,
in this vast night.
Jan 2015 · 2.7k
amanita Jan 2015
I'm just going through the motions,
each day is the same.

The work day drags on,
unfinished and cut off.

I stand at the door of my house,
hoping for some change.

I greet my cat with love,
refill her water.

I procrastinate at playing guitar,
pushing away my dreams.

I'm fine.
I'm fine.

I'm lonely.
I'm fine.
i need to get this off my chest
Jan 2015 · 382
amanita Jan 2015
The rings around my eyes,
they pull.
Pull at my quality of life,
dimming the pleasure,
forcing the exposure to reality.
Dec 2014 · 1.1k
amanita Dec 2014
Blue lines around grey pottery,
empty containers full of air.
Spices perched on the shelf;
staring at the lone figure at the counter,
whispering together.

The setting sky darkens
the cat begs for food,
the cat is fed,
and the figure is alone once more.
Dec 2014 · 205
7:02 A.M.
amanita Dec 2014
Light rises.
Darkness retreats.
Go to sleep.
i should be asleep
im also listening to night vale
Nov 2014 · 747
amanita Nov 2014
My words half-formed in my mouth,
a subtle taste of what is on the paper.
Gliding across the thin black lines is my pen,
creating words and phrases I have yet to say.
i wrote this at a friends house
Oct 2014 · 298
amanita Oct 2014
I am standing.
A pane of glass separates us.
Her pupils are slits,
staring up at me expectantly.
A bird captures her vision.
They drift up to me.
Her eyes are wild,
they are wild in a domestic environment.
I am still staring at her.
She's still staring back.
I reach for the door handle,
and her eyes become domestic again.
wow it's been a while
Feb 2014 · 303
amanita Feb 2014
"A strong desire to wander or travel the world."*

I want
To be
To feel,
Beautifully lost
Wonderfully exposed
To find old familiarity in new things
To find new comfort
And I
Find that
this was based on the wanderlust shirt i have heh
Feb 2014 · 239
amanita Feb 2014
I remember
that once
my 9th grade math teacher;
he was in a poor family,
and he couldn't have a coat.
"I didn't let the cold bother me."

I remember
on a cold day
when I could see vapor puffs from my nose
I was standing there
and refused to let the cold bother me.
doot doot
Jan 2014 · 391
Get Over Me
amanita Jan 2014
Get over me,
because I'm not worth it.

I'm not worth it,
because I broke your heart,
because I feel so bad about it,
because it's been 5 months,
because I can't accept myself.

You should get over it,
because I'm not the best person you'll meet,
because you're only 15,
because life must go on,
because lamenting won't get me back,

Life wont stop revolving,
even if your world feels like it has.
that was bitter and my emotions were everywhere oops
Jan 2014 · 448
When I'm Sad
amanita Jan 2014
When I'm sad,
I like to make and artistic representation,
of how i feel.

When I'm sad,
I like to write out my emotions,
An invisible voice,
whispering my upsetting thoughts.

When I'm sad,
I like to seek out songs,
that connect to the atmosphere in my head.

When I'm sad,
I like to cry,
I like to zone out,
I like to set my feelings free,
to let them run out until happiness replaces it.
Jan 2014 · 456
amanita Jan 2014
Here I am,
faced with a blank page.
The spaces in between the lines could be filled with anything:
words of wisdom,
words of hate,
pictures conjured out of boredom;
a masterpiece wrecked by lines.
It could be professional,
the words could be zany,
or wildly inappropriate.
It is anyone's choice.
Yet here I am still,
with a page over half full,
breaking some sort of wall,
talking about pages and words.
yay im here
Jan 2014 · 1.3k
Be Happy
amanita Jan 2014
I love to see you happy
I love to see you smile
The crinkles around your eyes
Make it worthwhile

I hate it when you're sad
I hate to see you down
No one deserves to be blue
It's dreadful to see that frown

Always stay happy
Keep your head up
Look for the bright things in life
It'll brighten your world's makeup
be joyful yo you are so awesome and deserve to feel happy
Dec 2013 · 396
amanita Dec 2013
What I need,
Is an escape.

I need a place
to lose myself.
A place to hide.
Somewhere to let my emotions out.

A place,
Somewhere other than
Under my covers,
Late at night,
Soaked in empty company.

But most importantly,
I need,
A person,
Who I can tell my
Deepest, down-hearted thoughts to,
Who won't tell anyone else,
Who will do
Their best to
Keep me alive.
escape, wow, sad
Dec 2013 · 478
amanita Dec 2013
"Why do you take such long showers?"

I don't know
Maybe it's the warm water covering me like a blanket
Or my free train of thought
It seems so endless
And so inviting
showers, water, also im baaacckkk
Jul 2013 · 480
amanita Jul 2013
Tossing, turning,
Staring at the ceiling
Dark rooms
Nothing to do
Nothing to think about

But the
Deep, sad, weird late night thoughts
To dos
Scary things

Late nights
Nothing to think about
Everything to think about
idk i couldn't sleep
Jul 2013 · 312
amanita Jul 2013
Let us take you to another world
Dragging the problems out of your head
Losing yourself in a make-believe world
Full of wonder
Loose yourself in a different place
A place you with you were in
this is me
Jun 2013 · 2.4k
amanita Jun 2013
Uncontrollable urges to destroy yourself
Wanting to stop
But stopping
Is like
A drug addict
Or forgetting about
Someone who
Made life much more bearable

Simply telling someone to stop
Is like
Telling a rock to move
Or saying
Someone with curly hair
Should make it straight

It is hard to understand
About a mental disorder
You have it
more mental **** ups
Jun 2013 · 1.6k
amanita Jun 2013
A twisted rotten feeling that
begins in the pit of
your stomach
Taking over
Making you second guess
Doubt yourself
A downward
Tight breaths
Foggy eyes
Collapsing in
To run
To hide
idk where i went with this
Jun 2013 · 198
amanita Jun 2013
A wise man
Once said,
"We're all stories,
In the end."
ninth doctor
Jun 2013 · 473
Valentines Day
amanita Jun 2013
On February 14th of her 13th year
She was given flowers.
She thought they were beautiful,
But had nothing to give back
She placed them on her desk
To admire the beauty of the vibrant life
It soon turned sour
Her heart grew more sad
As the flowers grew more weary
Until they were both no more
idk this happened to me
Jun 2013 · 691
amanita Jun 2013
Curiosity poured into a being
Tail swishes from side to side, eyeing the mental world hustling around it
Staying out of it.
Keeping its distance.
Smart choice, furry one.
Keeping out of the bitter *******.
Yet we choose to point out their wise choice,
Claiming it to be rude,
Only curious ones see it as it is.
yay cats
i wrote this during spring break when i had no idea what to do
hurray for boredom
Jun 2013 · 992
amanita Jun 2013
You are my sunshine
You light up my world like clouds clearing up on a rainy day

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair, you dance
Prancing around like a deer
Asking me to join
Your voice sweet like honeysuckle

You add flowers to my hair
Making them like yours
Little daisies sticking to my hair like flypaper

You make me forget the world
Pushing the problems out of my head
i was forced to make this for school
it may or may not be about flowerchild harry

— The End —