Tamera Pierce: Favorites

Jan 2020 Tamera Pierce

Anonymous Freak

A gold lamp sat on his desk.
The paint had been rubbed off
on the angles and various edges.
When left on for too long,
it became hot,
untouchable.

There are things my mother
kept around,
I don't know why she did,
Such as the cracks in the walls
from being kicked too hard,
her bed frame
she claimed to have been
pushed onto
and then hit by his fists.
Or a lamp
that got too hot,
and needed a firm hand to twist the ****
that turned it off
and on
again.

There are memories of him
I don’t know why
I keep around.
His messy work desk,
His big powerful hands,
His booming voice.

I allow my mother room
To keep pieces of him
Because it’s hard to forget
A husband of over twenty years.

I allow myself room
To not forget him,
Because it’s hard to hate your father
Forever.

#father

Jan 2020 Tamera Pierce

Peace

Jan 2020 Tamera Pierce

Mims

Peace

I woke up
With a clear head
For the first time in two months
Misplaced longing not hiding underneath my pillowcase
For once
I knew what I wanted
And it wasn’t you
For once
I knew I couldn’t keep doing this,
Seeing you
Promising pure intentions
And ending with you curled up naked beside me

You can not make love where there is no love

And I no longer desire you.

For the repercussions have finally pushed me over the edge

I know what I want
One good night of sleep later

And it isn’t you.

For I have slept and slept, but I have not felt rest,
For so long.

Jan 2020 Tamera Pierce

THAT WHICH COULD NOT BE SPOKEN*

Jan 2020 Tamera Pierce

Dr Peter Lim

THAT WHICH COULD NOT BE SPOKEN*

The inner most of the heart
    is never articulated--it defies
    words and smears the truth
    before the speaker's eyes

  and love in its mysterious ways
  appears and parts in so many a guise
  definitions whether from Camus, Sartre
or Wittgenstein sadly fail-- each word corrupts and dies

* after Ludwig Wittgenstein

Jan 2020 Tamera Pierce

SURVIVAL

Jan 2020 Tamera Pierce

Dr Peter Lim

SURVIVAL

I will not stay
I can't
here the ground
is sinking
like quicksand
only betrayal
and deceit is found

each word is connived
as though each speaker
within himself carries
a ready lethal knife

they said to me:
' just stay a while'
but I knew the storm
was brewing- guile
wore an insidious smile

escape routes
they had planned
none had I---
where could I hide?

Postscript:

I left
my life I saved
I survived!

Mar 2017 Tamera Pierce

Tomorrow

Mar 2017 Tamera Pierce

Haruhi

Tomorrow

My body aches.
My palms are sweaty.
My breathes are between screams.
Every time I'm with you.

My stomach is in knots.
I feel alive, I feel pain.
I feel the blood trickle down my throat
The sensation of a knife on my skin

Tear jerking thoughts of self mutilation flood into my mind.
My body is heavier, almost like cast iron.
I fall, knowing it will hurt you.
So I'm sorry.
Tomorrow I won't fall, so I won't hurt you.

Tomorrow you will be free.
I'll carry the burden of pain,
So you won't have to.
Tomorrow I will be stronger so I can carry,
My pain and yours as well.

Mar 2017 Tamera Pierce

I dream of passion

Mar 2017 Tamera Pierce

Haruhi

I dream of passion

I dream of passion.
A fiery love.
A relationship full of electricity.
Too bad it's still only a dream.

I dream of men.
Imagine the perfect man.
Unrequited love changes in a instant.
A special moment for two of us.

I dream of women.
A cute girl that's perfect for me.
Cover ourselves with blankets at night.
Her warm embrace.

I dream of passion.
I see us as one.
In unexpected scenes.
I dream of me loving you.

Tamera the Teacher. x3

#tamera

Mar 2017 Tamera Pierce

Strong

Mar 2017 Tamera Pierce

Haruhi

Strong

Recollecting on a paper ,
With the one you love,
Is hard to do and hard to fight.
The time comes when we must be strong.
Strong enough to remember when things were bad for us.

Relationships, family, even life in general.
We were meant to be happy and joyous, not hateful!
When memories creep up on us,
We acknowledge them and say "Hey!"
This may be hard and seem impossible
But we can only go as far as we paddle.
Be strong for us.
"Together we stand divided we fall."

We remember the emotions and mix them in our heads,
Wanting the emotions to be buried again.
I'd like to try over. Do everything right.
I want the chance to make him happy one more time.

I'm and idiot and can't remember where that quote is from so if anyone wants to tell me, I'm all ears. xD
Fight for what you want and be strong and confident.
It may seem hard but you're strong enough for the job!

#love #happiness #emotions #strong #fighting #anotherchance

Mar 2017 Tamera Pierce

Mother

Mar 2017 Tamera Pierce

Haruhi

Mother

This sadness is bottled up **** a nicely aged wine.
I going insane and trudging through the pain.
Mother, mother my friends are fine.
They would never let me stray.
Or fall behind.

Mother,
I'm crying on the inside by showing off a smile.
My lies are the truths and my truths are lies.
I couldn't bare to see you mad or sad.

Mother,
You've tried to make me a respectable young woman,
Tried to push me to the light,
But the monster in me is holding on tight.
Time and time again you've pulled me out,
But the madness is overwhelming consuming me inside.

Mother,
It's not your fault.
But mine.
I'm the stain on your heart,
You can't rub off.

I still care even though I blew it.
I wouldn't be surprised if you walked out just like daddy did.
But that doesn't matter now.
I'll go to sleep shut my mouth.
But in the morning don't expect me to be sitting there on the couch.

I don't know what to say....
If anyone needs someone to talk to I'm here! ^.^
I'm a good listener! I swear! <3

#lies #pain #mother #thoughts #stains #freinds

Mar 2017 Tamera Pierce

Hanging On to You

Mar 2017 Tamera Pierce

Haruhi

Hanging On to You

I'm hanging onto you like a kitten on a branch.
Calluses appear on my hands like acne on a teen.
Sweat beating down my face, glistening against the sun.
Holding on takes too much.

There is no support system.
No beam.
No ground.
Nothing to lean on.
Holding on takes too much.

I watch you from down here listening to every word.
Hoping I hear you say my name.
I feel the weight on my body grow heavier and pull me down.
Holding on takes too much.

Falling, still gazing back up at you.
Hoping you catch me.
Hoping you notice me.
Hoping you care.
Holding on takes too much.

Depression. Dark and empty.
The only result of chasing you.
Depression the only result of needing you.
Holding on takes too much.

R. I thought of this. Sounds like the two if us right? Any one feel like this?
Sorry if you're a teen and you don't have acne. xD

#depression #need #emotions #noticeme #holdingon #toomuch

Mar 2017 Tamera Pierce

Depression

Mar 2017 Tamera Pierce

Haruhi

Depression

Depression is a black mass that swallows up the sun.
Depression is the lightless cavern in the sea.
Depression is the monster eating away at me.

I always think and it always gets the better of me. Don't take this the wrong way, but why do boys ****? I just need to know. x(

#depression #thoughts #me #problems