do we mean it
when we tell each other
that it happened for a reason?
do we believe ourselves when we say that?
or are we trying to just find a way to
accept that it did not turn out
the way we wanted
do we believe in ourselves
to be able to
accept the outcome
without a reason?
one doll in your hand
one bottle in mine
I knew nothing in this world
before I knew time
you checked on me when
I was asleep
we would play outside
driving the barbie jeep
time suddenly went by so fast
school days became
you went away
protecting our country
living in plight
fearless and resilient
I was checking on you every night
my turn to look after you
driving you home to live with me
to finally reunite
you’re 27 now
And I’m 25
is the foundation of my life
“How far have you walked for men who’ve never held your feet in their laps?
How often have you bartered with bone, only to sell yourself short?
Why do you find the unavailable so alluring?
Where did it begin?
What went wrong?
And who made you feel so worthless?
If they wanted you, wouldn’t they have chosen you?
All this time, you were begging for love silently,
thinking they couldn’t hear you,
but they smelt it on you,
you must have known that they could taste the desperate on your skin?
And what about the others that would do anything for you,
why did you make them love you until you could not stand it?
How are you both of these women, both flighty and needful?
Where did you learn this, to want what does not want you?
Where did you learn this, to leave those that want to stay?”
you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn't you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do, love
split his head open?
you can't make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.
the poem that inspired me to start writing
brain zaps, brain fog
welcome to Zoloft
refill your script
before you decide to quit
this pill comes with a cost
it's not that easy
to taper off
this illness is not visible
one might say it's despicable
the pill that can make things bearable
everyday at the same time
remember it's no cure
it can help
and that can be worth
SSRI's Zoloft (sertraline)
The one thing we cannot control is the chaos around us
The acceptance of our fate is knowing
If you leave earlier you might still be late
Somewhere deep within our souls
We know that we can all relate
What choices do you have to control the chaos inside of you?
Close doors, inhale, and find comfort in the chaos because
There’s no escape
I wonder what you're thinking about with that blank stare.
Do you mean it when you tell me that no one else compares?
I want to believe in you but I have my doubts.
Where is someone that can tell me what you're really about?
Blue and glossy eyes, scarlet face, and frightful disposition.
I know my friends would tell me to run if they knew my position.
Your actions, I cannot deny, are beyond my comprehension.
I am stuttering and shaking, I can't help this apprehension.
When will I get the courage to leave you and accept our fate?
Sooner or later, they will see through my eyes too, and notice how they dilate.
Ask me how I am, I'll tell you I'm fine and some other lies.
But please don't listen to my words, just look at me in the eyes.
notice the signs. the eyes don't lie.