#zaim
How should I say this?
Wondering how higher this voice will go,
Has been keeping these unsolved questions
all the time with worries and regrets,
I should say it loud
at the moment I had this thought on you,
But you never had time
to have a second thought on me,
Your space, your time and your selfishness
is number one,
My love and my words only like a spell
enchant by a wand,
I wish I could list all the wonders,
But I will start with the first,
"Do you ever love me like I am the only one?"
Feb 1, 2020
Feb 1, 2020 at 5:42 AM UTC
Hey,
Here i am thinking,
Is it a good thing?
Or not ?
Just who i am right now?
Here i am wondering,
Am i on the right path?
Maybe yes or maybe not?
Then when is the ending?
All the questions and thoughts,
They come like bullets,
Dancing like ballet,
Slowly, beautifully and suddenly
its become sorrow.
Lingering around my mind and
flowing through my vein,
Then here comes the precious droplets.
At some point, it'll stop.
Gone with no answer.
With no any tracker.
Then its just me alone,
Looking to sky and hold tight,
Hoping that "Everything will be fine",
Just fine.
Sep 11, 2019
Sep 11, 2019 at 2:54 PM UTC
"Physically" flawless,
makes people be so shameless.
Mentally madness,
because love is the craziest.
Through the sky and the moon,
There are so many beautiful things,
Some of it I couldn't understand,
and some of it not even "shine".
When the night cover the blue sky,
Billions of stars are "blooming",
Billions of thoughts are coming,
And makes me thinking,
"Wish i could count all the stars and all my scars".
Its just at the end of the day,
Let's just put a fullstop for the day cause tomorrow is waiting,
Till the eyes close,
May all the thoughts be my "lullaby".
Apr 3, 2019
Apr 3, 2019 at 2:13 PM UTC
My life be like,
Waiting for your words
to pop up on my dying cell phone,
And every time i lost my words
when you ring on my cell phone,
Maybe this is what i called "crazy feeling",
Yet I just feel normal,
So that's mean I am okay.
At some point,
I enjoy every moment
when i felt like we're "one",
Have this thought that you're the one,
Or maybe i just overthink it?
It's too overwhelmed if i think about it,
It's normal to have a feeling like this,
So that's mean I am okay.
Up until today,
Nobody know the answer,
And at some point the table turn without any of my conscience,
To know that the person you love is disappearing,
It is just not real,
To wipe out all the desire, imaginations and all the moments,
It is my weakness,
May you found the
peace and beautiful future,
So that maybe i can be in your
"life iterature".
Mar 19, 2019
Mar 19, 2019 at 1:09 PM UTC
When I work by myself,
I feel like I am lonely,
Could feel the wind dancing,
Could feel the feelings I should not feel,
Could have thought of million things,
And missing the touch between the other's skin.
While,
When I am surround by people,
Curses become goodnight wishes,
Love become painful and heartless,
Fighting is the main course,
Dark is our source,
And Light is not for us.
What,
What should I choose?,
Where,
Where should I go?,
Who,
Who should I be with?,
The answer?
I still don't know,
I am clueless,
Just following all the endless road,
With heart full of hopes,
May the ending bring all the "pieces".
Feb 11, 2019
Feb 11, 2019 at 11:30 AM UTC
No hope no sob
No women no love
No men no pride
I want no hopes
Cause it makes me choked.
Every time "its" smile,
I am so in love,
Most of the time "they" lean,
My body 's "aching",
But
When the time "they" are gone,
My world becomes dimmer.
A lot of time "its" blurring,
Makes me couldn't see my future,
And every time to say "goodbye",
I could really die.
Yet
I can't run from "it",
I can't hide from "it",
Cause it's will happen like a loop,
And I will always lose,
Move on or still giving hopes,
That's what I need to choose.
Dec 9, 2018
Dec 9, 2018 at 4:38 AM UTC
Where are you?
Where are you at when I feel weak,
All the darkness kept hold me down,
I do not know if I could hold it anymore,
because I know "they" will come more and more,
non-stop like don't know when "they" will stop.
Hey, can you find your way?
The way to touch me,
Makes me feel that "you're" still existed,
I know almost the "inside" surrounded by black light,
but I want you to get out of the dark "maze".
and meet me at my gaze.
I feel so miserable,
I feel so helpless,
I am so weak to speak,
I really want to shut my eyes forever,
And makes "them" disappear until
they're out of number.
Yet still, "they" are good at controlling me,
Am I hopeless?
Maybe yes I am,
but I still want you to know
Dear Mr.Strength,
please come back to my life,
and together we create a better life.
Sep 21, 2018
Sep 21, 2018 at 4:22 AM UTC
walking through a tunnel,
no light no wind,
no sound could be heard,
no "potion" to heal,
search for anything in the bag,
but nothing can be "grab",
face up, looking straight,
no sun to see.
"they" keep pushing me,
like there's no limit,
My soul is so weak
with no any "spirit",
they asked for it,
I keep give it,
need a short break,
from all "those freak".
is this the only path?
maybe yes or not,
give me some light,
to open my eyes,
I know at the "front",
there's always a way to walk through,
lead me to a better tunnel
and have some space,
my wound could be healed,
with an "easy" phase.
Aug 27, 2018
Aug 27, 2018 at 10:02 PM UTC
what time right now?
I ask after I have done
every "blissful works" of mine.
Every "blissful art" painted,
hope its consume my time.
But it will never happen,
not even a time.
what time right now?
I keep asking
every time I'm daydreaming.
Just don't want to feel empty
and want to "run from reality".
Like the world has no meaning,
I took a pill to swim into my dream.
what time right now?
Wondering all day long,
got nothing to do.
Keep brushing off all the "artwork"
painted on my body,
while whining on my knee.
what time right now?
I give a look to the sky
when the night "bloom".
The moon says "hi"
and the sun said
"hope to see you tomorrow".
then
I'm crying in my mind,
hoping with my heart,
before close my eyes,
24/7, please no tomorrow.
Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 8:11 PM UTC
Once,
I open my eyes,
The world are so dark,
There are no stars,
There's no moon.
While I wonder
where's the stars and the moon at,
The air hit and turn my face,
Towards a group of people
that once
hurt me,
try to **** me every day,
and even made me cry.
In that space and place,
I am watching their body "covered" with fire,
they're dancing in front of me,
THEY SCREAM IN FRONT OF ME,
I couldn't stop smiling,
my heart couldn't stop beating "happily".
Then I watch them swim in a pool,
the pool are full of acid,
their skin torn out "smoothly",
their blood mixed very well,
that's make the "view" more mesmerizing
and I love it.
but
it's disappointed,
it's just a DREAM,
it's only my desire with some IMAGINATION,
and lucky it's only "hit" me once only.
While I'm hoping the dream come again,
my skin torn out
instead of them,
feel like it's never end.
The reality spoke clearly and loudly,
Pain was destined for me.
and I couldn't run from it.
not even a mile.
Mar 17, 2022
Mar 17, 2022 at 1:20 PM UTC
Dear myself,
Why I can't feel anything?
There's pain but
I feel like i'm "immune" to it,
I feel like i am addicted to that,
and love to play with it.
Dear myself,
Why I can't see anything?
I lost in the dark pitch world.
I am so "lonely".
Sometimes i feel like i'm "drowning",
and sometimes i feel like i'm "falling"
Every time i tried to reach for a "thing" to hang on,
I couldn't find any "thing".
Dear myself,
Why nobody heard my "whine"?
Helplessly crying and whining.
Why nobody "saw" me?
Maybe there's no door open for me
and no window for me to "face" the light.
Dear myself,
Why keep hiding from the "crow"?
Why keep crying "soundlessly"?
All the "dark" bruises and scars never leave,
Not even once to relieve.
I beg to myself,
Please hold my "hand",
Do not avoid me,
Please give me a chance to walk,
to show a grin and see the light,
Please do not "delete" me,
I know you still love me
.
.
.
.
.
Even I am you,
with all the "begs",
and all the "rainbow" dreams,
You know what you want to say,
"It's alright".
Jul 9, 2018
Jul 9, 2018 at 9:58 PM UTC
"Whose fault is this?"
Nobody knows, nobody wanted to come out,
Too silent to hear a crack sound,
Yes, the offender is too powerful,
and make us "zip" our mouth.
Forced us to point our finger at poor people,
and made us feel guilty.
This weakness kept hunting us down
and "dance" with us on the ground.
Boy or girl, you can cry
but how long?
"How long can I endure ?"
I still do not know the answer.
While we are "making" the world more worst,
we still lose deep in our minds.
Afraid to come out, afraid to speak out loud,
Afraid to fight back and keep "lying" to ourselves.
"When we could stand together?"
"When the cry would stop?"
"When does the dream become true?"
Today I am standing on my own feet to fight's back, tomorrow I am happy,
Today I stopped the cry to makes a great move and said "no" loudly,
Today I came out as a "real" person, no faker, no more "questions".
Yes, today, You and I can change the "questions" to reality.
Jul 3, 2018
Jul 3, 2018 at 10:29 PM UTC
Those "petals" start to blooming like a wing,
The "pleasant scent" start spreading with the wind,
While too much colors "they" wanted to be,
More "thorns" keep growing and freely hurting.
"They" are just like roses,
Roses have 14 colors,
But "they" have more than 14 colors,
Sometimes "they" mixed and
Hide behind the beautiful "images".
While the outside keep blooming beautifully,
The inside keep hurting
and "hiding" secretly.
I love "roses" because of their scent,
I have it but still forgot their "thorns"
Those "thorns" bleed me every time I touched,
Hurt me deeply yet still mesmerizing.
Yes it's true ,
"They" keep forgot why I love
and have them.
Jun 26, 2018
Jun 26, 2018 at 10:44 PM UTC
When we were small,
Our parents want us to talk.
When we can talk,
Our parents want us to walk.
Today when we are walking,
We could feel the breeze.
Walk by the road, there's no peace exist.
When we could feel and see,
The world is all about pain.
That's time we realize that people only act like "saint".
When our parents dead,
We could feel the "bang".
Along by the pain,
They attack us like dark shadow fang.
There's no doubt without doubting,
There's no satisfactions without trying,
And there's no pains without causing.
We kept drowning by the "dark" pleasure,
Because the "dark" pleasure is more pleasure
While the slave praise "them" and forget their sins,
All the poor people keep stitching and defending.
Today, I barely can enjoy the rain.
Yes I hope I can turn back time and become kids again,
Too much shadow and pains I received today,
Most of it from the one i believed nowadays.
Jun 26, 2018
Jun 26, 2018 at 10:21 PM UTC