#youngerme
There are cuts
straight and diagonal
all over my skin
Feels like I let my thoughts win
and broke all my promises
to my younger me
And maybe I did
Maybe I'm weak
Maybe I secretly care what everyone thinks
oh
Don't you know I'm sad inside?
Don't you know I'm satisfied
with when I bleed,
with when I bleed?
oh
Don't you know I love it
when my emotional pain shows up
all over my skin,
all over my skin?
never thought we'd be this way.
What the hell happened?
Why we cut ourself open?
I thought that we'd be happy,
we knew things wouldn't be easy,
but seriously?
You made me a promise
that we would be better
Why do you keep breaking it?
Why'd you lie to me?
We used to skip around the playground,
we used to shriek with laughter.
Don't tell me this is your version of
better.
Maybe we are weak,
maybe we secretly do care what everyone thinks.
oh
Don't you know I'm sad inside?
Don't you know I'm satisfied
with when I bleed,
with when I bleed?
oh
Don't you know I love it
when my emotional pain shows up
all over my skin,
all over my skin?
no,
you don't understand!
You don't know what they did to us.
You haven't lived the pain yet,
don't act all disappointed!
You would do the same.
It's not really our fault, kid
They made us like this.
They told us our feelings were valid
only to punish us.
They stuffed us in a box,
we weren't allowed to punch pillows anymore.
They told us to stuff it inside.
They said we were letting satan in,
so we learned to prove them right.
We gave them something to yell about,
something real,
something big.
And then we got tricked,
and our brain got twisted up,
we don't think the same way.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry
I couldn't
save
us.
oh
Don't you know I'm sad inside?
Don't you know I'm satisfied
with when I bleed,
with when I bleed?
oh
Don't you know I love it
when my emotional pain shows up
all over my skin,
all over my skin?
Stop with the excuses.
What happened to
'I never break my promises'?
Is that only for other people
Did you hate us so much that you didn't care,
or are you trying to say you gave up?
What happened to
'we got this'?
What happened to
'everything will be alright'?
What happened to the nights that we would cry
and you would say,
'When we're older, things will be okay'?
Couldn't you keep up?
Is that why we always say
'i miss...',
but never finish the sentence?
Is it the younger us you miss?
Is it the time when we weren't like this?
oh
Don't you know I'm sad inside?
Don't you know I'm satisfied
with when I bleed,
with when I bleed?
oh
Don't you know I love it
when my emotional pain shows up
all over my skin,
all over my skin?
Yes, you're right,
I miss smiling in the dead of night.
Imagining this bright future,
where we were considered cool.
And we had tons of friends,
and everyone liked us,
and we had amazing parents.
But you have to understand,
we aren't gonna change
until our environment does.
We'll never be the same,
but we can get better.
And I'll make a promise right here,
we will get away,
and have an awesome life.
And maybe our scars will never fully heal,
but I promise we're gonna get help.
May 23
May 23, 2026 at 12:15 PM UTC
I wonder what younger me would think now,
looking at my face.
Would she still think I was pretty?
Would she still think I was nice?
Would she still think I was smart.
Would she still see herself in me?
Would she still see
the girl who hid under the kitchen sink,
and danced in the rain,
and sang until she was put to bed?
Would she still see something worth saving?
Some piece of me that was heaven-bound?
I still feel like her.
I feel like I'm still that small,
like I'm weaving between the legs of people in the crowd,
looking for my mother,
looking for someone to guide me,
but finding only stranger's hole-ridden jeans.
lost.
a lost little girl.
a lost little girl,
fading in and out of existence.
a lost little girl wearing
a polka-dot dress.
a lost little girl
looking for home.
Jun 18, 2025
Jun 18, 2025 at 8:41 PM UTC
When I was little,
I thought I’d grow up
and become someone
that glittered.
Not famous.
Not rich.
Just soft.
Just full of light.
Someone who laughed without flinching
and felt safe in her own skin.
Someone who saved the day
and got to sleep through the night.
I thought growing up
meant choosing your favorite ice cream
at midnight,
meant late-night dances in the kitchen,
meant freedom with a ribbon tied around it.
I didn’t know
it meant silence in hospital beds
and scars you don’t show.
I didn’t know
that being alive would ever feel
so close to being lost.
I didn’t imagine this.
When I was nine,
I made wishes on stars.
I believed in fairy godmothers,
second chances,
and that every sad ending
was just a chapter
before the miracle.
But my miracle must’ve gotten stuck somewhere
between foster care statistics
and the wrong people with the wrong intentions,
between school hallways
and rooms where no one listened
until I screamed.
I didn’t think
growing up meant learning
how to be quiet enough
to stay safe.
Didn’t think it meant
counting calories
and skipped meals
and mistakes you can’t scrub off.
Didn’t think
it would be this hard
to get out of bed
on a Tuesday.
No one told me
that sometimes the monsters win.
And they don’t have fangs
or claws—
just names and job titles
and the ability
to be believed.
The girl I used to be
wouldn’t recognize me now.
She’d ask why I stopped painting,
why I’m always tired,
why I never dance in the kitchen anymore.
She’d ask
what happened to magic.
And I wouldn’t know
how to answer.
Because I don’t want to tell her
that sometimes the world
breaks you
before you have the words
to explain the damage.
That sometimes
you survive things
so dark
you can’t ever go back
to who you were
before.
And I don’t want to see her face
when I say that dreams
don’t come true
just because you want them to.
That no matter how bright your heart is,
there are places so cold
even hope shivers.
But still—
I hope she never stops wishing.
Because I don’t know who I’d be
if I didn’t remember
how she used to believe.
And sometimes,
on quiet nights,
I still look up
at the same stars
and wonder
if maybe
she’s still in there somewhere.
If maybe
there’s still time
to become someone
she’d be proud of.
Jun 6, 2025
Jun 6, 2025 at 3:43 PM UTC
I’m 16
Now what?
When I was younger I had this vision of what sixteen year old me would look like and I’m nothing like her
Sixteen year old me in her head was loud and fun
She would dance on tables at parties at two am
She would be dating the love of her life and have all the friends in the world
She would dress in the latest clothes and she wouldn’t be scared to tell somebody off and stand up for herself or her friends
But
Sixteen year old me currently doesn’t go to parties and is definitely not dating the love of my life
Im trying to stay up with fashion and I succeed sometimes
I will stand up for my friends just not for myself but I’m getting there
However I still feel like younger me would be proud of
16 year old me
May 10, 2020
May 10, 2020 at 9:01 AM UTC
Dear me (age 13),
Congrats, you're a teenager! Get ready for some of the best times of your life and also some of the worst. When you hear that old saying "You never know what you had until its gone," don't just shrug it off. Never take anyone or anything for granted. Soon you will loose someone important. Don't be afraid to mourn. It's okay to cry. Let it out.
With Love,
An older you
Dear me (age 14),
Middle School is rough, but you're almost done. Keep going. Gymnastics is rough this year competing two seasons in a row, but I promise you its worth it. You'll be so much better because of it. Don't give up!
With Love,
An older you
Dear me (age 15),
Hello again. Welcome to High School. You're first midterms are coming up. Study a little harder than you think you need to. It's worth it. This year gymnastics will make you the happiest person in the world. Just a warning though, at the top of the highest mountain, there is no where left to go but down. Also thank mom for making you work in the guidance office during study hall. These people will become some of your biggest advocates.
With Love,
An older you
Dear me (age 16),
When the beam coach says you need to stop gymnastics for a bit to rest your back, listen. Do not keep going when her back is turned. When the bars coach says to stop arching your back, listen. Please listen. But when the head coach tells you to loose 10 lbs, don't. Don't listen. Instead curse her out, tell her how that makes you feel, tell her that she is a horrible human being, and how much you can't stand her, but whatever you do, do not ever let her words control you. You are perfectly beautiful. At regionals, don't go for the double back dismount off bars. End with the full twist instead. But don't be ashamed if you don't make it to nationals. Instead, rest, heal, get better. Skip all the other doctors you think you should see. Instead schedule an appointment with Dr. Greenberg like the head coach keeps insisting you do. I know its scary and painful right now. But the physical pain will go away.
With Love,
An older you
Dear me (age 17),
Life is harder than ever right now. The physical pain is awful, but the emotional pain is worse. I'm so sorry this had to happen to you. But please whatever you do, do not pick up that razor. The urges to hurt yourself will only get stronger the more you give in. Its a trap so hard to get out of, you will wonder if you ever can. Instead pick up your camera, swim farther, call a friend. Anything!
With Love,
An older you
Dear me (age 18),
When you spend the afternoons of your senior year at a mental health facility, embrace the help your getting. Remember the lessons you learn, they will only help you in the long run. Have fun on senior trip, and don't let anyone bring you down! When you start college, don't be so quick to trust your roommate. The girl you met in the bathroom while moving in though, trust her with your life. She will be your best friend. And I honestly don't know where you would be without her.
With Love,
An older you
Dear me (age 19),
Stop blaming yourself for falling asleep everywhere, and ask the doctor to change your medication. Accept the fact that you have a mental illness and its okay to not be okay. Keep eating lunch and dinners with your friends. Don't forget to thank dad every day when you both live out of a hotel room, so you can finish freshman year. Embrace DBT, and learn to live by it. Sophomore year will start out okay, but will head downhill pretty quickly. When your roommate talks about her sorority, listen. These girls will become you're best friends and biggest supporters (besides blood related family of course). Don't worry too much though, you'll make it through, with the love and support of your family and amazing sisters at school.
With Love,
An older you
Dear me (age 20),
I've only known you for a couple of days, barely even two weeks really. but please keep going. Keep fighting. It has to get better at some point. right?
With love and hope,
Yourself
Jan 22, 2015
Jan 22, 2015 at 11:27 PM UTC