#withdrawn
sometimes i don’t know if i’m the whole problem, or just half the problem
if i play a role, or if there is something i’m missing
i miss you, and i feel like i’ve fallen off whatever pedestal you had me on
it’s like when they say “you’ll let yourself down every time when you expect yourself out of someone else,”
it seems as if that is where we are meeting each other where we’re both currently at
it’s not somewhere in the middle, it’s not few and far between
it’s withdrawn and distant, it’s push and pull, and it’s hot and cold
it’s emotional whiplash, freeze and fawn
i have no idea what the **** we’re even doing anymore
because i find myself not even wanting to or caring to respond at all
emotionally exhausted
but still at your beck and call.
Sep 17, 2025
Sep 17, 2025 at 3:41 AM UTC
If I can't hold on
If I let life slip by like you said I'd do all along
As the tiniest violin plays my theme song
Would you lose faith in me as a person?
As another flawed human?
Or is it set in stone as a bygone conclusion?
I've begun to become withdrawn
So it shouldn't be long
If I must let go I'll aim for the lawn
And you can sleep well knowing you were not wrong
©2024
Apr 30, 2024
Apr 30, 2024 at 7:04 PM UTC
I don't write love song or poems anymore.
I don't write how infatuated I am anymore.
I don't spew my heart anymore.
I am anti love, but in the sanest way possible.
I have lost myself to love and I have found myself toxic for love.
I don't write about how you broke my heart.
I don't write about the gnawing pain.
The constant sting.
I don't.
I don't.
I write about how lost I feel.
How awake I seem but so congested I am.
Subliminally I have never felt so disappeared.
I have never felt so without soul.
There's a hole that has sunk the whole of me.
Who am I?
Where am I?
The girl, no the woman in the mirror, staring right back at who should be me. WHO IS THAT?
Out of sight,
Out of mind,
I am running out of time.
Apr 7, 2019
Apr 7, 2019 at 1:40 PM UTC
What have I done I wonder why
I'm gentle soft and very shy
I was not the man I am today
But anger hatred has come to stay
I'm really fun and so kind at heart
But others ripped my heart apart
I learnt to fend and fight alone
My body ackes my heart does grown
When I was a little lad
I was happy carefree and never sad
I did the things that small boys do
How I'd turnout no one new
As my toddler years went by
I realised my life was but a lie
Violence, anger, abuse and pain
Would make me hang my head in shame
The happy life I knew before
Had suddenly gone out our back door
Our happy home had disappeared
It looked like evil it's ugly head had reared
Been a kid so young at heart
Like every other kid does start
Had to learnt to grow up fast
And try to run far from my past
But as my teen year went on by
I became more withdrawn and shy
I made wrong choices did wrong things
One night stand and many flings
Drugs, ***** and deep dark things to
Took me to a place so cold and blue
Relationship that never last
Oh if I could just return to my past
As I aged and became much older
Tried to be strong and much bolder
But the past that hunted me
Wouldn't go away you see
I know deep down in side my heart
Everything of me was ripped apart
I'm but an empty shell inside
At least it is my place to hide
Ive pulled so far within myself
All's affected even my health
Im falling deeper into a blacken hole
Ive lost myself and I'm loosing my soul
The ones that are my near and dear
They can not see and do not hear
How could they ever understand
Not even I this was never planed
I can't show love and gentleness
Will my life ever change and be a bliss
I mask my breaking heart inside
Behind smiles and laughter I do hide
I sit alone so many nights
Thinking back on all the fights
I've become my dad you see
The one that totally destroyed me
How do I get my self untangled
When my mind is a mess and mangled
I blame the world for who I've become
At time I wish it was said and done
I lost the ones I loved so dear
Because I caused them constant fear
I never planed to be this man
I should of taken a firmer stand
Face my demons and my past
Then mabye I'd be free at last
But I cant I don't know why
Maybe I'm scared so I live a lie
What I want and what I need
I leave to others and there selfish greed
I never make my own decision
And I have fall into total depression
The ones that think there doing good
If they only really understood
What I yearn for deep inside
My needs my wants my silent cries
I'm at a place so far away
On this earth I don't want to stay
I've given up but still holding on
But the gentle me and selfworth is gone
So in my mind Ill retreat again
Blame the world for all my shame
Tell myself it's not my fault
It's just so hard and difficult
Maybe one day all will change
I know this all sounds very strange
But maybe tomorrow all will be well
And I'll at last come out my shell
Mar 18, 2019
Mar 18, 2019 at 2:11 AM UTC
Dark lips match my slumbering feet as i tread
Fringe conceals the elastic snap of my soul
Toxin lines my veins to dull the drum in my chest
Shame lines my eyes like cats on the prowl
Hollow bodies are all i know as tomorrow awaits
Oct 29, 2018
Oct 29, 2018 at 12:58 AM UTC
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong
I read this poem to my mom
and you know how she chose to respond?
with a soft grunt that was truly withdrawn
she doesn’t seem to have a care
for what I might choose to share
I used to leave my soul out bare
but now I voice my thoughts elsewhere
Jun 22, 2018
Jun 22, 2018 at 1:40 AM UTC
waves of blue prisms crest on and on
below the minds eye in our aquarium
tropical drinks for thirsty dreams
lava flows in radiant steams,
into coral caverns
safe from all but the tides
of life
Apr 15, 2018
Apr 15, 2018 at 3:35 PM UTC
Since I saw you,
I've had this hope live in me.
That everything that isn't needed be gone.
The details of sales papers, shopping carts.
The ease of temptation.
Standing still.
To fill my cart full of things I don't need.
Coffee rings, free samples.
The debris of reality.
Strings and paper slings around baked goods.
Shopping around facedown.
Pushing the cart row after row.
The things on sale.
The pings of the register.
Splints that aren't necessarily the object we've come face to face with.
Jamaican ***
Our fingerprints used in vain
The residue from coffee pots and things we've touched.
Bottled, sealed tight.
Fresh water springs.
Still we pursue.
I pursue.
Your carefree sensibility.
I've walked every row in search.
Where have you gone,
Withdrawn
Apr 1, 2018
Apr 1, 2018 at 3:05 PM UTC
Withdrawn completely
there is so little to be
in the reality.
Jan 28, 2018
Jan 28, 2018 at 2:55 AM UTC
Scattered shavings of pencil led
To line the dusty floor.
Sketched art instead of words unsaid
Sleeping behind closed doors.
A sillouette in graphite lines
Surfaces in the dark,
When light shines out and down again
The creature does embark.
Aug 28, 2017
Aug 28, 2017 at 11:38 PM UTC
I should apologize for the days I am withdrawn. This is not what you signed up for. I should apologize for when I don't want to speak or communicate with touch or when I want to be without you but also do not. My indecisiveness is appalling: and I should apologize for that. But today I do not want words. I do not want to be felt because I feel you grabbing and pulling instead of caressing and comforting. You have not done anything wrong. I am just mean. I am just inside myself today and when you want to know what is up I want you to accept that I say the sky instead of pressing for more. My thoughts are poison right now. You shake me like a magic eight ball and I keep thinking try again later but saying not likely. I have the capacity to be kind but my words are pinpricks in your chest and every time I claw you with my numbness I inwardly cringe because I don't mean it, I am sorry, and I should apologize. But I can't. I can not bring myself to vocalize that I am not okay because you'll want to help and I don't want to be okay. Not yet. I want to hide in my closet and cry without company. I want time to myself today. But I don't want to hurt you. I am sorry. You are no burden. I am withdrawing. Not from you, but from me. I don't want to be kind, or resilient, or strong today. I just want to fold into myself, I want to be small and insignificant. I am tired of being fun and happy, it's tiring work. I need time to be low without an interrogation. I just want to be empty for a moment. And I should apologize.
Jul 14, 2017
Jul 14, 2017 at 11:39 AM UTC
*it’s like i’m trapped inside of an oyster
hidden away from the world;
except i am not a precious pearl
waiting to be found*
Jun 25, 2017
Jun 25, 2017 at 2:48 PM UTC
Sometimes, at the break of dawn
I contemplate where my life has gone
So many bad memories,
I'm not sure where I belong
Makes it difficult to move on.
'*When did I become so withdrawn?
Is it even worth it to hang on?'*
Sometimes, late at night
I contemplate suicide.
Nothing but bad dreams,
Keep me restless inside
Just a little thought in my mind:
*'What would happen to my life,
If I just left it all behind?'*
Oct 15, 2015
Oct 15, 2015 at 3:34 AM UTC
You're hiding something from me;
It's not a secret, ****** lover, or family.
It's your heart;
I can't feel it.
You never meant to set it free.
Feb 4, 2015
Feb 4, 2015 at 8:18 PM UTC
My thoughts bleed onto paper, as if my heart was stabbed.
Gushing forth, no bandage can stop it,
A chasm is what is left of a beating heart.
Voiceless laying dead on the ground.
Nov 22, 2014
Nov 22, 2014 at 5:58 PM UTC
Withdrawn and disconnected...
From everyone and everything.
I think I need a break...
I just don't think there is help for any of this right now.
Deep inside of me there is this yearning- this deep sadness.
And I have once again withdrawn inside myself.
I feel confused...the person I went to for help can't help me either.
Nobody understands me.
Hopeless!
I'm overtaken by hurt, and pain.
And I am now sinking into the darkness-the bad place.
Inside my soul is this realm of darkness,
The endless horror, the familiar hopelessness.
Tonight I hate all of NitaAnn!
No hope for NitaAnn…
Just smile and pretend everything is okay.
What's the effing point - it's all a big facade...
They pretend to care and pretend to listen.
I pretend I'm not the most ****** up woman on the face of the earth!
We all know none of that is true! The jig is up!
I fold...and walk away...
Find a new ****** up person you can 'pretend' to care about!
Because as we know...
"in the face of expected abandonment -don't you dare reach out - make another choice!"
I will, DT, don't worry...I will...nobody cares...whatever!
I am FINISHED!
OH, I'm making a different choice, DT, thanks for the advice!
Nov 2, 2014
Nov 2, 2014 at 10:30 PM UTC
I need to be
someone other than I am now
The me I am
doesn't do well in this world
I need to be brave
not insecure
Charming
not withdrawn
But how can I reach out to others
when all I want to do is hide away?
Oct 2, 2014
Oct 2, 2014 at 12:23 AM UTC