#whattodo
I don’t fear the supernatural
But I am fearful of things
Unnatural to me this concept
Of marriage is worse than the
Hellfire, the qazim I can
Not face this fear for it is the
Fear of lying, covering up
Who I really am the person
That god intended me to be
So I rather just be spiritual
And happy to be lying to
People that I should care about
Dec 26, 2024
Dec 26, 2024 at 7:30 PM UTC
I picked up a beer to numb it out.
Not to enjoy it this time.
Everything is built up and if I have enough to drink I know I can say the words I think.
Even then..
Alcohol makes my mind weaker than it already is and then I’m forced,
Forced to say what’s on my mind..
Because that’s what happens when I start off.
Then it spirals.
The worst of the worst thoughts.
Anxiety is at the max and all I can do is
Cry.
Llora por el hecho de que nunca podría tenerte aunque lo dejara a un lado.
Porque está hecho..
Dec 7, 2020
Dec 7, 2020 at 1:45 AM UTC
My brain rumbles inside my skull
Lust becomes the fleeting requirement
Of this empty, yet overflowing hull
My left eye has begun to implement
As whole body shudders with the risk
Torn at the seams by indecision
My head splits open like a broken disk
Unleashing a horrid flurry of emotion
I release the muscles of my face
They have a mind of their own today
I want to rip myself from this place
But this cable, it tightens with dismay
A simple release might be a solution
Easier than really trying my assumption
Cowardice requires no permission
As I fall into the madness of addiction
As I drive the blood away from my brain
I focus on what my madness wants to do with you
Dec 1, 2020
Dec 1, 2020 at 12:52 PM UTC
She was running here and there
as if lost in a maze...couldn't find home
She was crying brutally...eyes red and swollen lips.
As if a child...who got separated
from his mother, on a crowded street.
Her inabilities were pulling her down
in a dark well...
falling deep in a dark well...where her failiures echoed.
There were wounds that she had not filled
and now they had bleeded on others.
She was trembling and crumbling inside
as she looked here and there...
for some light...
finding her lost pieces.
Nov 11, 2020
Nov 11, 2020 at 1:11 AM UTC
What do you do when you don't know what to say?
What do you do when your head tells you to stay but your heart says to walk away?
Who do you go to when things don't go your way?
Is it getting harder to get through the days?
Once you figure out the answers, there is only one question left to ask
What will you do differently today?
Jun 24, 2019
Jun 24, 2019 at 9:11 PM UTC
Twinkle, twinkle little star
Why are you so very far?
The brightest one in the sky,
Don't leave me and say goodbye!
The people here are oh so fake,
they make my insides hurt and ache.
Twinkle, twinkle little star
my lungs are filling up with tar
I always feel as though I'll cry,
This mask can really help me lie
when can I get a break,
they all just seem to take and take.
Twinkle, twinkle little star,
this mask is just one big scar.
Apr 11, 2018
Apr 11, 2018 at 5:55 PM UTC
How I hate the waiting game!
It is just such a pain,
Being forced to be tame
for these people who are plain.
These seeds I've planted better bloom
but a winter freeze seems to loom,
right over my head.
Am I better off dead?
Hell no, I am not weak,
and nor am I meek.
So, for now, here I will stay,
Till my turn is at play.
Apr 9, 2018
Apr 9, 2018 at 5:17 PM UTC
Setting: My Hometown, The School Ground, The 3rd Space, The Front Seat Of The Car, The Church, 2014-17 and beyond
Main Cast: The Musician, The Punk, The Tie-Wearer
Other Important Roles: The Prince, The Parental Units, The Body Guard, The Boy With The Glasses, The 5 Personalities, The Logical Thinker, The Multiple Third Parties, etc. There are too many to count.
Edit: Do not cast the 5 personalities... I mean, you can, just be careful. They might quit their jobs halfway through the film.
Warning
Deciding to make this movie is a challenge that nobody is prepared to execute, so don't be surprised if you cannot handle the emotional scarring and strain on every single character in the film. This is not your average story.
And these are not your average characters.
So we start our story off in 2014.
Autumn
2 of our main characters meet...
And our story begins...
Mar 26, 2017
Mar 26, 2017 at 10:06 PM UTC
When we don't do
what we want to;
See how we do
What we have to ;
So should we do
What we have to?
Like we can do
What we want to ;
Or just do
And get over with it
And wait
To do that same rut
Or fight within
And end up
Doing none of what
You should have done
And
Cry aloud
For sooner or later
You ll have to do
What you had to
But not what you want to
O god
What to do?
We often do
A lot of things
To undo
Things we did
That's so messed up
Right?
Do it
to
undo that
And sometimes undo all
that -You did
to undo that -you did earlier
Sounds a horrible vicious cycle
Ain't it
But trust me it's worse
When you do it
And even more terrifying
When you know
You did it
So what I ll do
Is something new
And not think about it
Will do and just do.
God
Will that do?
Jan 10, 2017
Jan 10, 2017 at 9:19 AM UTC
It just gets even worse
When you don’t know what to do
So you just keep watch
Apr 24, 2016
Apr 24, 2016 at 7:09 PM UTC
I don’t know what to tell you
My mind is spinning so fast
I pull at my hair to make it stop
But that no longer works
The pain isn’t enough anymore
Reluctantly I reach for my wrist
Digging my nails in
Hoping that the pain will be enough
The pleasure it brings me doesn’t help
As all of this occurs
You ask me what's wrong
Reaching out desperately to help me
But I coil back
Trying to reach another
Who no matter how mean is always there
To forbid what I’m too scared
To promise away
My grip changes to not leave marks
Now pinning my veins and bones together
Under a steel vice
Practice has made my hand
I want to talk to you
Tell you what is occurring
But my heart beats against my ribs
Like a caged rabbit
My veins push at the thin skin above them
Begging to be released from their prisons
I wish I could grant their wish...
Sep 16, 2015
Sep 16, 2015 at 7:31 PM UTC
it's me.
the real me.
leaving without evidence.
leaving as if nothing happened.
It's me.
don't worry.
in a situation like this, I have to put on something useful.
to ease the pain.
to forget my mistakes.
wearing it again.
it feels nostalgic.
the mask.
very useful.
pretending.
show the fake until everything is normal again.
.
.
.
painful.
deep inside my heart is beating painfully.
i can't expect anything anyway.
It's not something I have to fight.
I'm just expecting....
expecting too much.
And it hurts. it hurts so much that I feel numb.
same pain for the last years - the pain of leaving.
no, maybe the pain of being unloved, insecure, ignored and.....
Maybe i love him so much that leaving is the hardest thing to do now.
If I will not do the right thing, I'll just feel this pain over and over again.
or let this mistake become right??
what to do? what to do?
Apr 7, 2015
Apr 7, 2015 at 11:47 PM UTC
What am I ever to do
When even my Plan B
Does not choose me?
Shall I be left alone
To face the world
One step ahead the rest?
Or shall I take a step back
And trail behind
Watching others’ happiness?
He, oh he
Was my Plan B,
But even he
Hurt me.
So what am I ever to do?
(I wish I could say this is new)
Me, I don’t have a clue…
m.c.c.
Jun 23, 2014
Jun 23, 2014 at 10:05 PM UTC
It's Friday the 13th
And I don't know what to do.
The only place I want to be
Is right there next to you.
m.c.c.
Jun 13, 2014
Jun 13, 2014 at 11:30 AM UTC
..
I Li
ke Li
ste ni
ng To Music
In A Vo lume **So Hi
gh** That I Can't Hear
My Own Thoughts.
Or so I think...
Apr 23, 2014
Apr 23, 2014 at 5:00 AM UTC