#whatswrong
I disappeared into books like drowning in reverse—
coming up for air felt like the interruption,
the world outside the pages a place I had to visit
but never wanted to stay.
Four hundred pages between dawn and dusk,
spine cracked so many times it remembered my thumbs,
and I knew every character's breath,
every turn of phrase.
It wasn't enough to consume—I had to create.
Worlds poured out of me onto loose-leaf,
poems that said what I couldn't speak aloud,
stories where I could be anyone, build anything.
This was breathing. This was how I made sense
of everything I couldn't hold inside.
I was eleven when the poems worried them.
Twelve when all that feeling on the page
seemed like something to diagnose.
Instead of notebooks, I got appointments.
Instead of questions about my worlds,
questions about why I retreated into them.
That's when it burrowed in.
The parasite doesn't announce itself.
It sounds like the people who raised you,
sounds like concern, like love,
like they must know better than you do.
And when you're twelve, you believe them.
Maybe this is just fantasy, just escape.
Maybe all this making is just hiding.
They're trying to help—they wouldn't hurt you on purpose.
So maybe the thing humming in your chest,
the thing that felt like truth,
was never real at all.
The parasite wraps itself around that doubt
and whispers: What if they're right?
But you can't stop creating—it's still who you are.
You keep trying. You keep making.
Only now you're waiting for them to say it matters,
and they keep asking why you haven't done something useful instead.
The parasite grows.
It learns their cadence, their timing,
the exact shape of their disappointment.
Years pass. You leave. Miles between you now,
thinking distance will starve it.
But it's already inside.
Now when you share what you've made,
the waiting feels like standing on trial.
Every hour of silence gains weight.
The kind words that do come feel thin,
and the parasite knows how to turn them:
Politeness. Pity. They didn't know what else to say.
Logic knows better—
people are busy, distracted, living their own lives.
But the parasite is older than logic.
It was there first.
It speaks in the voice of the ones who made you doubt
before you were old enough to know
you were allowed to trust yourself.
And they still feed it.
Even now, when you've built a life
they can't reduce to wasted hours—
that slight hesitation, that subtle redirect,
the question that means: when will you be serious?
So you've stopped calling.
Stopped visiting.
Let the distance do what it does.
Because the boy who knew what mattered,
who filled notebooks and didn't question
whether he was enough—
he's still in there somewhere.
Sometimes I find him.
The words come like they used to,
worlds unfolding without effort,
and for an hour, maybe two,
I'm twelve again and the creating is easy as breathing.
Then I read it back.
The words sit strange on the page.
Clumsy. Forced. Wrong.
I used to do this—I know I did—
but now it feels like watching someone else's hands,
like a skill I never learned at all.
Like I'm fooling myself.
Like I've been fooling everyone.
A talentless hack playing pretend.
There it is again.
Every time I reach for him,
the parasite gets there first.
And I can't tell anymore
where their doubt ends
and I begin.
Nov 8, 2025
Nov 8, 2025 at 4:20 PM UTC
why, hello there. nice to see you. and welcome to, our society is a ****** up place that needs be changed.
people think that its perfectly okay to fat shame, **** shame, skinny shame, and anything in-between. but once it happens to them its world war three. guess what, if you dont want something done to you. dont do it. hypocrites and shamers of people are whats wrong with todays society.
people who think that all cops are bad. yes, ill give it to you, most cops now-a-days are ***** but not all of them. some of them actually follow the rules that they're provided with. people who aren't openminded with things is what's wrong with todays society.
people who think that just because someone didnt go to college or finish high school etc. are stupid or are a disgrace. honey, the only person who's a disgrace is you. it is none of your business what happens in peoples lives. people who **** in and think that their negative opinions matter is what's wrong with todays society.
people who think that people who are in the LGTBQ+ community or support it are unworthy or dont deserve respect or anything like that. honey, as i said before, its none of your business. let people be who they want, let them express themselves, let people love each other no matter the gender! people who are unaccepting is whats wrong with todays society.
people in general are whats wrong with todays society. and we, people who accept everyone and anyone need to speak up. voice your opinions. important ones matter. because we, the people matter. no matter if you're black, white, hispanic, gay, straight, bi, lesbian, trans, queer, pansexual, heterosexual, agender, etc. you matter! and we're here to make it known, that everyone matters.
Mar 17, 2018
Mar 17, 2018 at 5:05 AM UTC
it's sad to get into a relationship at the wrong time, but when is the right time if everything keeps going wrong?
there's love, but is it as strong as it had been thought out to be?
to break the bond of best friends who moved to a bigger step because of a thought, might not have been the best decision.
now we are separating but is it realized? if so, where is the help or is there none?
these two figures are breaking apart, who is to say they will go back to the way they were before? who is to say they will never talk or that if they do it could forever be odd?
no one knows.....just like how one doesn't know what to do, with her significant other, knowing she has lost that thought.
the thought that had brought them together, had brought them happiness thinking they were each others completion.
in all honesty, one wishes they had remained friends.
and now this has started, because of that one figure having an odd thought.
Mar 20, 2017
Mar 20, 2017 at 1:02 AM UTC
Am I okay? No, but I'm going to say so anyway
Why?
Because I hate feeling weak, it's insufferable to my pride
So any major change or disappointment
I usually hide the emotions
And take the pain in stride
Am i okay? No.
And I hate all the attention around me when sonething is wrong
I don't like people's spotlights on me
When I'm down for too long
If at all, I prefer to do my suffering in the dark
Because that's what really suits my often disappointed heart
Mar 22, 2016
Mar 22, 2016 at 10:44 PM UTC
Feelings are never what they seem.
Especially if it's "fine".
Aug 10, 2014
Aug 10, 2014 at 5:53 PM UTC