#verdict
I sleep with hunger beside me.
Not because the house is empty-
the fridge hums softly in the dark,
full of things I could eat.
But the mirror waits.
And I cannot face it
without feeling sick in my own skin.
When I look at myself
I don’t see a person.
I see something wrong.
Something too wide,
too heavy,
too much.
My jeans started slipping down my hips.
My mom noticed.
“You’ve lost weight,” she said-
just a small comment,
the way someone notices
the weather changing.
So I looked again.
The scale said
eleven pounds gone.
Eleven.
But the mirror didn’t care.
It stretched my body back
into something bigger
than before.
So I make quiet deals with hunger.
I eat only when I have to.
Only when people are watching.
Only when not eating
would be too obvious.
Most nights
I let the emptiness stay.
It sits in my stomach
like a promise-
sharp and patient.
Because somewhere in my head
there’s a thought
I can’t ****
that maybe
if I shrink enough,
if I erase enough of myself,
if I learn to live inside the ache-
one day
the mirror
will stop looking at me
like I am something
to hate.
Mar 9
Mar 9, 2026 at 4:53 PM UTC
The hours stand in an even row,
ticking beside an uneven pulse.
I walk barefoot across the cold floor
through the stuttering what ifs.
Water freezes in short and long words.
Sometimes I want to scream,
something is taking us from ourselves,
leaving us outside for seven years.
Other hands seal our fate.
A helpless anger, taken in small sips,
swells under my fingers when panic arrives.
What if they take this small room
where do we write our new lives?
We were sorted
before we reached this place.
A law letter covered good intentions,
heavy eyelids under a burning forehead.
A moment ago, the world was simpler.
What if we get stuck,
what if we cross the border,
what if we cut our last verse?
How much of this can we change?
Feb 3
Feb 3, 2026 at 7:01 PM UTC
Hold off on your verdict for her now.
Put by your own condemnations.
You never lived behind the wall
In the grip of grievous self-abnegations.
In the morning, while opening eyes,
She destroys and despises herself in whole!
She hates herself! She abhors the world,
Which she has made by herself alone.
She wants everything would disappeared,
Evaporated as though it's never been
So that there's nothing left around,
Nothing reminded of her as she's been.
And she would start with a blank sheet.
Forgiven, redeemed and clearly blameless,
Hold off on your verdict for her now,
For her, who leans over ruins.
May 29, 2025
May 29, 2025 at 5:22 PM UTC
When it comes
to the verdict
— no noose
is good noose
Apr 30, 2025
Apr 30, 2025 at 9:57 PM UTC
Tried it
Can't do it
Can not be done
So it can't be undone, I'll prove it
Picture this for a minute
Picturesque hides what's not picture perfect
Don't run
It may pay off to listen to the verdict
Incompetent parents apparent
Cinderella's sisters type fit
Concrete clown shoes
Encased in discount mob cement
Bounced check
Inherited emotional debt
My symbolic account
Won't reveal, just conceals most of it
A Zeppelin wreck
Unnecessary resentment, no regret
I 86'd forgiveness
And I'm not looking to forget
The living, breathing embodiment
Of "The crime doesn't fit the punishment"
"Be wary the quiet ones"
I also embody that statement
I am what they meant
A broken degenerate
And no matter my efforts
It's as permanent as I get
I hope this clears things up a bit
©2024
May 22, 2024
May 22, 2024 at 12:16 AM UTC
If I were to slip and fall
Relinquishing the saddle
Once and for all
A clear sign of a lost battle
Would they lie just a little
Pretending it's a riddle?
Would I be Jeremy still
Or just the latest ashes on a relatives mantle
Unable to get a grip on a life with no handle
Forced into being a monkey in the middle
Avoiding the ferry man becomes a new struggle
Will I hear a verdict from a god or a devil?
Or choose for 'em, trying to make it all simple
Thanks too the highway install
And despite all the people
It's far quicker to stroll into hell
And the toll is only one soul
©2024
Apr 2, 2024
Apr 2, 2024 at 4:07 PM UTC
"You're not a lot of fun to be around" she blurted
Not the first time I've heard it
I went
From being bullied to being A bully, was never meant to be permanent
You can probably guess what temperament brought more enjoyment?
So there's a solid argument to be had for it being a just verdict
But if you've never been in that predicament hold your judgmental hyperbolic rhetoric
Most folks seek out that kind of empowerment but keep it quiet, I'm just admitting it
Look, nobody's perfect but the crime has never fit my punishment
Pushed and shoved "getting back to the old me" to the back burner, against my better judgement
Cause I didn't bother with it any further, now a derelict social misfit
Then when it's my turn to take back the moment
My retort, a one and done statement;
Fck you, fck the planet and fck everyone on it
Easier to parrot that then to admit no one can stand me past the first minute
I don't know if it's the misplacement of hurt and anger, a cover for inadequate social alignment
Or a relentless deep seeded resentment for the general public
Not sure but it definitely feels organic
This old dog ain't capable of learning a new trick regardless of any enlightenment
Kinda sad isn't it?
©2024
Jan 16, 2024
Jan 16, 2024 at 6:30 PM UTC
let him speak
let Augustus
Deceive us
Once more
for no truth
Lives on his tongue
His words sour with lies
but if you willing
I say "Let him speak"
Apr 28, 2020
Apr 28, 2020 at 2:07 PM UTC
I have no choice
But to put you on trial
Cuz you claim
You're innocent
Until proven guilty
But with all the evidence
I've collected
I'm positive that it was you
Who committed the crime against me
I'm sick of all your twisted lies
The disgusting humor
That this was all one big accident
Saying that in reality
You didn't mean to break me--
Only to leave me bent
The defense says
You were just messing around
That you didn't mean to take
What you stole
But I
-the prosecution-
Say that's ********
Cuz I know you seek control
So now it's time
For your verdict
Take your seats
They're about to start…
…
HA!
The jury says you're guilty
So it's indeed true
That you stole my heart.
Jun 15, 2017
Jun 15, 2017 at 7:08 AM UTC
I was a solid man.
A solid man with broken pieces
Pieces astrewn on the dusty floor of life,
thrown away with my own guilty verdict
No glue or wires to hold me together,
just a small tangent of sanity and veins.
Structurally not sound,
my moral compass has taken the wrong course
A course of insurmountable ill wills,
wills that would make a grown man, cry and beg.
A beggar that I see before me,
seeing myself in the mirror of near death.
That death bounds to me,
like the leather restraints of a sadomasochist
No more control over thoughts or person,
fearing what lies ahead in waiting
I waited for life to come to me,
but only saw the emptiness.
My empty mind,
trying to put the puzzle back together
Mar 2, 2015
Mar 2, 2015 at 7:40 PM UTC
Someday soon we will be passing praise instead of judgment
© Matthew Harlovic
Oct 28, 2014
Oct 28, 2014 at 9:47 PM UTC