#unrequieted
They said “I miss the old you”
without realizing they helped **** him.
Now my heart vibrates in silence
notifications on, but nobody gets through.
I put my feelings on Do Not Disturb
the night I got tired of rereading dry replies.
Funny how “seen” became a form of abandonment,
and “I’m just busy” started sounding like goodbye.
Now I love people like dim streetlights love rain
present, but never fully touching.
Because once you teach your heart to stop answering,
even warmth starts feeling like an unknown number.
May 22
May 22, 2026 at 7:06 AM UTC
And I'm sorry for loving you
Because I know it wasn't real love
And I know it was wrong.
But you make me spin.
I know you know quadrants
I could never be what you need
You gave me a taste and ripped it away and I'm done.
You weren't cruel, stated intentions. It was me who said "maybe " and "because" and it just, won't fly with you.
It wasn't real
It wasn't real.
All I need is your approval.
I fall at your feet and all you are is a boy, and that's scary for a boy.
I'd like to be your friend but it's only when I'm drunk I can be brave enough to give you recommendations and music.
You probably never think of me
You're only here for her
I get it
I know I'm not enough
I know I'm not good.
I'm grateful you even breathe in my direction.
I should be more grateful you expend oxygen to occasionally speak to me.
I'm not worth the time.
I'm not worth
Anything.
Nov 25, 2020
Nov 25, 2020 at 3:38 PM UTC
*I'm a black dog
with a torn heart
you
are carved out of light
heavier then rocks
my bowels
a crumbling fortress
dire
in my emptiness
you
make my blood run down dark gutters
to the city of your legs
pooling at your soft pink feet
i strain in prayer
for your love
a black dog in panic
i run seven miles a day
to **** you
my body lean and wire muscle wet
women look on dreaming
as i search for you in their faces
i run killing myself
till your dead
all curving sadness
and broken creel
a hallowed
crypt of desolation
you
a sword through me
farewell*
Mar 7, 2018
Mar 7, 2018 at 2:15 PM UTC
Your eyes set me on fire
But instead of putting me out,
You watched me burn
And now I am nothing but dust
May 14, 2018
May 14, 2018 at 2:59 PM UTC
Our hearts are such fragile things
But they will not be swayed
They soar like a pair of wings
They won't be disobeyed
Our hearts break
When they crack, they don't go back
Our hearts ache
They won't give in, until they win
I've tried many times
To defy the wishes of my heart
I've paid the price of my crimes
The consequences are ****
No matter how many times I deny
It becomes no less true
My silence you need not buy
I have already given it to you
I can't even lie to myself
No matter how I try
To put my emotions on a shelf
To tell them goodbye
I cannot deny
The feelings inside
I try and try
But they will not hide
May 13, 2018
May 13, 2018 at 8:53 PM UTC
I want to dig a hole
and bury
the emotions
that rise inside me
for you
I feel sorry when
I see them swell
and rise only to
be met by a silent
stone like shore
of your heart
so I want to dig a hole
and bury the emotions
even before they swell
rise up and come
crashing down
the hole I dig would need
to be quite wide and deep
to contain the range and
depth of emotions that
arise inside me for you
the emotions which you
ignore and don't want to know
the emotions which you
feel but have learnt to un-feel
the emotions which you
browse and carefully skip
once I bury them
in the big hole that I dig
you will never be able
to see them and
will never need to ignore
or feel or skip
then it will be all clean
calm, clear and free
once I have sterilised
my conversations from
all trace of emotions
when I would have
buried them in the
biggest and widest
hole that I can dig
Nov 1, 2016
Nov 1, 2016 at 7:11 AM UTC
I feel the curve of your palm
Like a phantom ache,
And know that this impression
Has permanence.
Pondering the dust devils
In mid-fall
Your presence coalesces
Like those phenomenal vortexes
That spring up unexpectedly
Swirling pieces of a world
That is slowly falling
Asleep.
Snowflakes drifted in winter
Occasionally catching mates
To dance to earth with,
And alone I traced
And remembered patterns in the ice
With initials scrawled.
The world was a contradiction
Of flowers and ice
And I marveled at the strength it takes
For a tiny seedling
To briefly break through the
Weight of the World.
One more glimpse,
One more chance, when the sun bathes the earth
And children robed like a flock of crows
Take a stretch of paper
Relinquishing them
To the real world.
One more moment to see
How the span of seasons
Can change everything
And nothing.
Apr 11, 2016
Apr 11, 2016 at 8:29 AM UTC
i want to look dead (but not actually die),
maybe then you'd notice me,
i should give it a try.
my lips (like your eyes) would be blue as the sea,
my hair (like your words) would flow with such ease.
i could grasp your attention and hold on to it tight
so you would not leave in the dead of the night.
my skin smooth as porcelain, as white as a cloud,
perhaps then you might have the strength to say aloud
how much you adore me and how much you care,
how much you truly want me to be there.
but this is all hypothetical, i mean, i'm still alive
and that's what divides us,
confirms you aren't mine.
you are too filled with life (if that could ever occur)
and all that i am is simply a blur.
i want to look dead (not actually die),
maybe then you'd notice me, i should give it a try.
Mar 25, 2016
Mar 25, 2016 at 3:16 AM UTC
And why
is it shameful for a suicide to be fuelled by love?
why is love not good enough for you?
do you know the heartbreak behind love?
the stabbing pain deep inside your stomach when you see the one you love
embracing another
the pressure to be perfect
the loss of passion
the gain of boredom
the desperation when you feel them slipping through your fingers
the harshness of a reality without them
a reality so pure and plain that it seems useless to live there
to carry on without them
because in the end, what are we without love?
mindless, heartless, broken, bland.
don't you dare tell me that love is not enough
the sadness of a broken heart, is enough to send anybody
toppling over the edge.
slipping away.
Jan 7, 2015
Jan 7, 2015 at 6:52 PM UTC