#unfixable
I live in a world full of prying eyes, these windows have no blinds as I feel their eyes looking at my sleeping body. I hear their whistles, I hear their words. I awoke when the glass shattered all over my carpet floor. I looked up into those eyes that were like a lion looking at his next **** He walked closer to my bed and put rosy glasses over my eyes, my thoughts became foggy, my eyes turned to a blur, and all I could think of was him. How he was a nice guy, how I loved him, how he would never use me, how he loved me, and furthermore how no one could change my thoughts of him. Yes, all of those things became a reality, a reality I now wish to change because I was brainwashed. One night I was in an unsafe environment, where I was exposed to you. I said yes thinking you were sixteen but you were an adult, an adult who preyed on young insecure girls like me. After that night you took the rosy glasses of and what I knew was that you hurt me, you killed the part where I could fix myself, but now I'm broken. All I was to you was a porcelain doll that you could play with and once you were done you felt in pieces. You stole the pieces to my puzzle and now I'm unfixable, I'm broken to no point of return. I'm not the person I used to be, you killed me.
Sep 26, 2020
Sep 26, 2020 at 3:12 AM UTC
I have nothing to say,
So I no longer think before I speak,
Everything drips out before I can calculate.
"How does one act?" I wish to ask,
But I know I'll start another predicament,
I no longer want to be told, "Something is wrong,"
Because I know something is missing.
I'm not tired anymore, but I still feel half full, or is it half empty?
Laughing has come more easily, but I wonder if its still fake.
"I am better," I think how ironic that is, because its not entirely a lie,
But its not true either because something has been misplaced.
I wish to ask my friends, who am I?
But that may confuse them,
So I shall never ask my questions.
I know that a piece of who I am is gone,
But I have no clue where to start the search,
So I'll keep going, never being fully complete,
You never know maybe I'll be fine in the end.
May 8, 2017
May 8, 2017 at 7:38 PM UTC
*My body is pale and chilled to the bone,
Everything I once was is long gone,
The light in my eyes have dulled slowly.
I no longer feel like the lively boy I once was,
Expressions of emotions seem so foreign.
Everything feels so hopeless,
I am unable to feel anything,
I am to far gone, to hollow inside to care.
I am a **** living inside the little boy they all once knew,
A criminal taking away all the things that allowed me to feel,
Now only the feeling of numb runs through my veins.
This is the outcome; all I have done to get better has just left me numb.
I can hear the drums still,
Understanding when to react and play the 'act',
Another day starting but I don't even notice.
I wonder sometimes if I'll every get better,
Maybe then everyone will return back to me?
But I silence those thoughts, and just through my sweater back on,
Its knitted with all the emotions I once was able to freely feel.
All there is left is this numb little boy,
In replace of the once brightest little star that was filled with such innocents.*
Mar 12, 2017
Mar 12, 2017 at 9:15 PM UTC
No I am not
Bullet proof.
Yes if you shoot.
I will die.
I will probably die if you even just looked at me.
I stop breathing every time you speak.
It's quite odd.
I can't stand to be around you.
Only because I want to be around you.
Something is odd about you.
Non judgmental you.
You somehow know what to say.
You know what I've gone through.
You know what it's like.
To slice up your perfect pale skin.
You know what it's like to want to die.
You know what it's like to be unfixable.
That's the state I'm in.
Broken and unfixable.
Like an egg...
Oh gosh here we go again on eggs emily.
Eggs once they splat are unfixable.
Unfixable
Forever.
That's me.
An egg.
I'm
Nothing
But
An
Egg?
True?
Or false?
May 6, 2016
May 6, 2016 at 11:48 AM UTC
Too late? she asked
Too late for, can we talk? He said.
Too late for the talk,
Too late for the words,
Too late for empathy.
Too late to save it.
Too late, just too late.
Too soon? He asked
Too soon, she said.
Too soon for more lies,
Too soon for the truth
Too soon for the return.
Too soon to fix it.
Too soon, but not forever.
Mar 3, 2016
Mar 3, 2016 at 7:47 AM UTC
Unceasing mental conversations
Unceasing mental wars
Physical distortions
Unhealing scars
Fix me doctor.
Sep 16, 2015
Sep 16, 2015 at 7:48 AM UTC
Wipe away your tears girl
Crying won't change it
Laughing will repair it
That's it
There you go
Life is short
Don't live it broken
That's what they say
I don't buy it
You see when the tears stain my eyes
That's when I feel a live
So when I lay in bed
I cry
No one sees
All they see is the smile
During the day
They fill me with pills
Here take this you'll feel better
They say
It doesn't work that way
See I'm the kind that feels lost without her tears
Fill me with the pills that steals the tears
Apr 19, 2015
Apr 19, 2015 at 3:46 AM UTC
Stomp on it
Till' it shatters to irreparable pieces
Or until it starts to bleed
Mission complete once your done
Please don't Stomp on my heart
Jul 2, 2014
Jul 2, 2014 at 5:55 PM UTC
I was a princess once
It was long before I was sad
I was daddy's little girl and mommy's little angel
I used to twirl in my dresses and bows
happily singing my songs
then I grew up
I lost myself
I shattered
I tried to pick up the pieces
just for one day
one day, my birthday, to be whole again
I only had enough glue and tape to piece myself together for one day
I was queen for that day
I was turning 15, my quinceañera, I was queen for a day
My dress, my makeup, my hair was perfect
I was queen for the day
but once the party was over, and my dress was taken off
my makeup washed off, my hair back to its messy oily self
I look into the mirror and I'm no longer queen
it's 2:21 am the day after my birthday and I'm still broken
I'm still me and that *****
My demons screamed, my nails clawing, trying to get out of my skin
Sure, I was queen for a day, but I'm not a queen
I don't rule, I'm not majestic, nor radiant nor elegant
I was like a little kid for a while
playing pretend
playing dress up
although I was beautiful, I was beautiful for one day
one day and one day only.
I wish I was beautiful for more than just one day
but there is only so much glue and so much tape
those aren't permanent fixes, those are temporary
just like my reign
May 5, 2014
May 5, 2014 at 9:56 AM UTC
My heart is perpetually broken
And the wounds cannot he sutured
The pieces are strings of gossamer, and I a flimsy sheet
I smile at the world but I wonder, why this task befell unto me
To write till I die I will follow, the path that was set for me
Mar 25, 2014
Mar 25, 2014 at 4:03 PM UTC