#turmoil
Keep in touch, move in close, congratulating you on your goals
I thought I was good for that
Wasn’t that why you kept me?
I was good for something
Something to keep you going
I was fine with gaining nothing
Thought that was what you needed the most
I thought we were honest
I thought we were good
Nothing like a promise
But enough to keep me close
Why oh why wasn’t I enough
I was fine with being a crutch
I thrive on happy memories
Even if you only gave me a few
It was enough for me
But why weren’t I enough, enough for you?
You lightened my day with a smile
Me taking care of you
But even when I got tired, I didn’t leave
I left town, but not the friendship
I don’t know anymore if I should be sad or angry
I’m still just lost
I don’t understand
I still don’t understand
Why oh why wasn’t I enough for you to keep?
But then again did you ever really have me?
Apr 13
Apr 13, 2026 at 3:56 PM UTC
I'm a tornado.
I spin through the room,
seeding chaos
in every plank of the floor
that I touch.
I am a storm.
My fury rains down
and it destroys
every single little thing
or big one.
I'm lightning itself.
No one can resist me
or my power,
destructive and horrific
while you watch.
Because while you don't
I am just a
simple, angry, normal guy
exploding.
Apr 3
Apr 3, 2026 at 5:30 AM UTC
I find it hindering receiving love I did not ask for
Comfort I seek
Trust that fails tends to scar
When I let myself nest, in what seems to be safe
In someone I hold dear
In their nest, I do not dare to make my bed
Dare to leave my suitcase
Do I believe in the trust I think I feel?
I fire guns in their names
I bring peace to someone else's sleep
Ignoring my own turmoil for their peace
“Didn’t ask to be born as a black hole, a silent tornado between four bedroom walls” - song "Empathy" by - Lauren Aquilina
As the empathy that always seem to drain me
Consume my every waking thought
Maybe I am the thing thats hindering my growth
Moving forward can be exhausting, feeling wrong and hasty
even though its been four years
Mar 25
Mar 25, 2026 at 10:26 AM UTC
All I ask for
'Just open my eyes'
and I am wasted by you.
A muddle of thought.
So it goes.
How it is.
What I want, isn't this.
It's all arbitrary.
You know how to mess with my heart.
Tangled by the words on your tongue.
Oh, for the love of God.
So it goes.
How it is.
What I want, isn't this.
Though it proceeds.
It's all so cautionary.
Close my eyes, it's your face I see.
Oh, how you look back at me
And that grip tightens 'round my existence.
Let me go.
You won't know,
How things work
If I don't get to leave.
What you want, isn't this.
Your blissful whispers keep me awake
The wind: your embrace
A gust: your breath
And the stars above us reminiscent of the string that ties
You and I.
Yet, what I want, isn't this.
Mar 18
Mar 18, 2026 at 8:52 AM UTC
When your light feels stifled by the friction of this world. The hope of Christ is your home.
-Na’Jaya D.
Jan 26
Jan 26, 2026 at 9:27 PM UTC
I so desire—
That hand which will rise against my brother,
That hand which will shed my brother’s blood,
Let me break that hand.
Let me burn his entire city—
Let blood and tears fall every moment.
I so desire—
Let me tear that mouth which speaks lies,
Those eyes that look upon my brother with hatred,
Let me pluck out those eyes.
Let me set fire to his mirror—
So that he sees himself
As nothing but scorched black and red scratches.
I so desire—
That soil where my brother’s blood has mingled,
Let me turn that soil over—
From bottom to top,
So all darkness rises into light.
That road which dragged him away,
Let me crush the bricks of that road,
In every grain let me weave flowers of curse.
I so desire—
That sky which watched in silence,
Let me extinguish its stars.
That wind which heard the screams yet stayed quiet,
Let me hang a garland of thorns around its neck.
And that night which shut its eyes—
Let me force it to blaze like day,
Until it confesses—
“Yes,I have seen.
I have known.”
But—
When I break,
When I burn,
When I scream—
“Blood for blood!”
Just then,I suddenly freeze.
Because my brother’s serene face,
His unspoken language of forgiveness,
Holding my hand,whispers—
“No…no…
Fire is not answered with fire,
Darkness is not answered with darkness.”
Still—
I so desire.
My desire remains
Like a crumbling wall,
Like an extinguished matchstick,
Like a scream—
That never escaped.
Where rage and love
In the same tune
Weep silently.
Dec 18, 2025
Dec 18, 2025 at 2:48 AM UTC
Too many years,
Of developing fears,
From empty beers,
And closed off ears.
Isn’t it weird, Isn’t it queer,
How innocence thought not dear,
How often I’d shed a tear,
For comfort that was left mere?
Now I’m nowhere but here,
Shifting to a new gear,
Struggling to persevere,
Through all that is left unclear.
Too many years, Too many fears,
Among many privileged peers,
Those far too cavalier,
Relief was nowhere near.
It’s just shire fear,
Whispering in my ear,
An elevated tier,
Of sadness commandeered.
It feels like a spear,
To lack the will to cheer,
Manhood continues to smear,
My heart burns and seers.
As this toilet global sphere,
Turns and spins per year,
Doomed remain we’re,
The other side is far yet near.
Nov 10, 2025
Nov 10, 2025 at 4:24 AM UTC
Still there are waves.
Crested high, forming on nothing.
Impending apprehension, willing foreboding.
On water still they form.
Black blue giants swallow light.
Frothing, foaming.
Building.
Some merely threat to break.
Others taking their pound of flesh.
Further fuelling the validity of their threats
Dip, rise, crest, cash, withdraw.
Dip, rise, crest, cash, withdraw.
Claiming back what is spent.
Spending the regathered.
An exhaustive process.
The energy found, somehow.
Move impressive than the waves themselves.
There is beauty in it all.
Earn the rest at dawn, to see the horizon.
Still....
Still there are waves.
Nov 1, 2025
Nov 1, 2025 at 8:01 AM UTC
The soul is tormented,
with the body crucified
The trauma unfolded
With the pain unified
The turmoil repeats
And skies start to blur
But the eyes still deceive
The visions seek wonder
Now the pain continues in an unending loop
Along with the demons marching
All invading in storming troops
Altogether with the arrows arching
The memory remains engraved
Piercing like a dagger
The scars being paved
For the skin to bleed forever
Now the mind is being severed
While being carved and tainted
The soul is far too tortured
With the crimsons intricated
Now demons have breeched borders
And nothing is ever the same
The mirror is giving orders
To this obedient prey
The turmoil shall end
But the wraith shall conquer
And the rage shall mend
Me Into a wild feral monster _Tsuki no ume~
Oct 17, 2025
Oct 17, 2025 at 8:52 PM UTC
Rip it open_
_And the blood spills out_
We watch through our screens as it runs through the streets.
|
|
|
We can mute the screams
And they come and they wash it all away.
Sep 24, 2025
Sep 24, 2025 at 11:52 PM UTC
Cage, cage..
Set me free..
And let me fly..
My wings are tied;
When am in cage..
My dreams are shattered;
When my boundaries are confined..
Cage, cage..
My world is vast..
Let me spread,
my wings of sky;
With bountiful sweet,
mercy of life..
Cage, cage..
My life is not cage..
Let me breathe;
Let me fly,
to this limitless sky 🌌
Cage cage
My life is in turmoil..
Let my fire of quest;
turn to an eternal soul.. 🫰
Aug 23, 2025
Aug 23, 2025 at 3:15 AM UTC
Sit with it, a moth ball grown with salty remarks, take a deep breath to compose yourself and nuture their sore ideas of you ,hoard open wounds to leverage over morality
Soaring these words,you engraved on my skin , soon to sail these waves of malignance that boil in me, consequence is nothing but the bittersweet aftertaste of dark chocolate for the excruciating torture i'll inflict onto you will bring an end to my cold sweats
these aren't inchoate feelings but spawns of postponed smiles. Now, how do i drive them into suicide
Jul 16, 2025
Jul 16, 2025 at 10:21 PM UTC
They love and lose,
I have no
love to choose.
They fall,
and feel it all —
I
fall,
and
don’t
feel
at
all.
They don't talk
'cause they don't.
I don't talk
'cause they won't —
hear me...
they won't
see me.
They love me as a friend
But
I play pretend.
They blame it’s
their fault —
but I know it’s
not —
'cause it’s
me.
I’m my own
burdening.
Though I silently hope
they'll carry
all my weight.
I know it might hurt,
but
I just want a
break —
Still, I’ll stay
*I’ll help you
through the day*.
They see
a hero
through their eyes,
but I made myself
a villain
deep inside.
Heroes
don’t save
their foes.
Plus —
they don’t really know
what’s hidden
below.
Jun 29, 2025
Jun 29, 2025 at 10:40 AM UTC
Love is a whirlwind
Creating a path I can't win
A hurricane force leaving me bleeding
From the debris, forced upon my skin
Preferring the gentle breeze
Of a tease
Please
Don't judge me by my winds
Or by my words
My predictions, in my verse
Name me after the lady in a category
The first of the year
Aphrodite is coming
Prepare
Jun 20, 2025
Jun 20, 2025 at 3:36 PM UTC
In the stir
of the moment
we diluted
When things
settled
we separated
Apr 14, 2025
Apr 14, 2025 at 6:50 AM UTC
In the heart of a tempest, where shadows collide,
A storm brews with secrets, where dark feelings hide.
The sky shatters open, with a roar so profound,
Each clap of the thunder, a truth that resounds.
Beneath the turmoil, a whisper takes flight,
Of love lost to echoes, swallowed by night.
Like lightning that dances, ephemeral, bright,
It pierces the silence, revealing the plight.
In the stillness that lingers, I bear all the weight,
Memories crash like waves, a fierce, unkind fate.
Your laughter, a melody, now echoes with pain,
I chase fleeting shadows, but they fall like the rain.
The moments we cherished, now ghosts in the mist,
A tapestry woven, yet frayed at the wrist.
The colors of joy fade, replaced by the gray,
As thunder rolls louder, drowning love’s sway.
But in the eye of the storm, a flicker ignites,
A promise of dawn, as the darkness takes flight.
Hope whispers softly, through the crack of the sky,
Each bolt of the lightning, a reason to try.
Though tears may cascade, like rivers unbound,
In the chaos of longing, new strength can be found.
For every heart shattered, like glass in the rain,
Can rise from the ashes, and learn how to gain.
Desire swells boldly, a fire in the night,
A wild, untamed passion, that sets hearts alight.
In the chaos of feelings, we learn to embrace,
The beauty of longing, the thrill of the chase.
Each heartbeat a thunderclap, a drum in the dark,
A symphony raging, igniting the spark.
We dance through the tempest, with fervor and grace,
As lightning strikes twice, in love’s tender embrace.
Yet pain weaves its thread, through the fabric of time,
A haunting reminder, like a lost nursery rhyme.
The ghosts of the choices we yearn to forget,
Haunt the corners of dreams, a familiar regret.
The thunder reminds me of nights filled with tears,
Each flash of remembrance, a mirror of fears.
But what if the storm could wash clean the slate?
What if lightning brings forth a new kind of fate?
As the tempest subsides, and the clouds drift away,
A soft, gentle breeze brings a promise of day.
The sky wears a blush, painted gold by the sun,
And the battles of heartache, at last, feel like fun.
For storms teach us lessons, that sunshine can't hold,
In the chaos, we gather our stories retold.
With every dark moment, the thunderous call,
We learn how to rise, how to stand proud and tall.
Now, in the aftermath, with each drop of rain,
I find solace in knowing, that joy follows pain.
With arms open wide, I embrace what’s to come,
In the thunder and lightning, my heart has found home.
So let the storms gather, let the tempests arise,
For love is a power that never truly dies.
In the dance of the thunder, and the flash of the light,
I’ll embrace every hue, in this whirlwind of night.
For through all the heartache, the laughter, the tears,
I find in the storm, the beauty of years.
In thunder and lightning, I hear love’s sweet refrain,
A symphony of feelings, like sunshine after rain.
So here’s to the storms, and the thunderous might,
To the lightning that strikes, illuminating the night.
For every tempest that rages, every heart that it stings,
Is a chance for rebirth, and the hope that it brings.
In the whirlwind of feelings, where heartache may reign,
I’ll dance through the chaos, through joy and through pain.
For the thunder and lightning, they sing of my soul,
A testament of love, that forever makes me whole.
Feb 9, 2025
Feb 9, 2025 at 7:56 AM UTC
desperation grips
the mind, hell-bent on treason;
the devil grins, proud.
Feb 1, 2025
Feb 1, 2025 at 12:30 AM UTC
I’ve heard it takes a lifetime to live a minute
and it takes a minute to live a lifetime.
You don’t know what you’re in until you’re in it,
and you don’t see the sun until the sunshine.
So I’ll resign to waiting in line,
wasting my time, and losing my mind.
I know when I’ve been beat,
so don’t be surprised if I retreat.
I’d rather face the music then face the heat,
rather taste my tears as they’re sweet;
as sweet as sweet defeat.
It takes only a second to start a war,
and then naturally all hell breaks loose.
Do you know which side you’re fighting for?
Did you even get to choose?
So I’ll resign to the front line,
biding my time searching for a land mine.
I know when I’ve been beat
so don’t be shocked if I move my feet
to find cover from the fire on the street.
At long last the circle is complete
and it’s as sweet as sweet defeat.
“I’ll get you and your little dog too”
it’s all I’m hearing, and it’s ringing true,
along with “what’s a poor boy to do?”
“You have a choice: red or blue”
do you dare turn reality askew?
Or take your chances and wait for lieu?
I know when I’ve been beat,
so don’t be worried if I take a seat.
I can’t win the battle and I won’t cheat,
I’ll be lamb to slaughter; made to meat
and I’ll taste as sweet as sweet defeat.
Jan 11, 2025
Jan 11, 2025 at 9:44 AM UTC
Here I lay, alone at night,
Anxiety high, fear takes flight.
Perhaps I’m broken, beyond repair,
Alone with feelings I cannot share.
You’re at home, wrapped in peace,
While I’m trapped where my thoughts won’t cease.
Am I enough? Why not me?
Am I unworthy of love, truly?
What’s so wrong that I can’t let go,
Around in circles my mind will go.
Here I sit, alone once more,
TV humming, light faint and poor.
Maybe tonight I’ll drown it out,
But doubt creeps in, circling about.
Hour after hour, the ache won’t wane,
Devoured by this endless pain.
I’m not enough, I’m overweight,
I’m stupid, worthless, it’s all my fate.
Alone—I was made for this solitude,
Yet I didn’t have to be, if it weren’t for you.
While you sleep soundly, your heart at ease,
I’m here fighting the storm I can’t appease.
You’ll text in the morning, as if nothing’s wrong,
“How was your sleep?” as the night feels so long.
“I can’t yet,” you say, “It’s not the right time.”
“I love you, you’re mine,” yet doubt still climbs.
These words you speak, they circle my brain,
Leading me deeper into this darkened terrain.
When I’ll emerge, I cannot say,
The weight of your love leads me astray.
I love you, too, but I’m left to wonder—
Do you truly love me, or am I just under
The spell of your words, the hope I create,
When all I feel is this lingering ache?
If you did, wouldn’t you be here now?
Wouldn’t you find a way, somehow?
I know you have obligations, I get it—I do,
But doesn’t love find a way to push through?
You say she needs you—fine, I can see,
But why must it always be her, never me?
You say you don’t love her, so make it clear,
If that’s the truth, then why aren’t you near?
“It’s not finances, not her, not you,”
Then my mind concludes—it’s just me, isn’t it true?
So tell me now, set me free,
From this deep dark spiral of uncertainty.
Jan 1, 2025
Jan 1, 2025 at 8:41 PM UTC
Overwhelming thoughts and feelings,
Spiraling down a deep, dark hole.
I can’t breathe—I just keep reeling,
Haunted by the places I’ve lost control.
Every step feels like a mistake,
A path of ruin I can’t escape.
Friendships hollow, love a lie,
No one sees the pain I hide.
I cannot breathe, I cannot be—
What’s so deeply wrong with me?
For a moment, I’m fine, the storm recedes,
But the calm is fleeting, and chaos breeds.
The weight crashes down; I can’t bear the sound,
A tidal wave pulling me deeper to drown.
I know I’m broken, but why like this?
These sudden storms leave me breathless.
My heart is a horse on a racetrack,
Thundering, pounding, faster, faster.
No winner in this endless chase—
Just relentless thoughts, quickening pace.
“Are you okay?” they ask; I nod,
Hiding the battle, a perfect facade.
“It’s just a headache,” I quietly lie,
While inside, I fail and cry.
I try to focus, try to breathe,
But the darkness whispers, “You’ll never leave.”
Every effort feels destined to fail,
A silent scream in an endless gale.
Dec 31, 2024
Dec 31, 2024 at 1:02 PM UTC
Spoiled Oaths
Every night I gazed over the window,
I can see your intangible shadow.
The infinity ring once our bond,
Now lost, leaving holes shattered upholds.
You whispered " The universe of mine, Never intertwined"
Beyond the stars, you forgot to keep your promises aligned.
Yet, I yearn to leave this stained wine table
Spoiled oaths; echoing my mind unstable.
Treacherous cobblestone memories,
Gaining the weight of wistful fantasies.
How do your letters feel me like a vow?
Why does your name tortuously haunt my mind somehow?
Ocean deep, recalling your promises,
Breath rattling for longing chances.
As you said, I'll never leave; A "Never-ending"
Sacred oath; but I was bleeding.
Underneath my bed, I restore that pain,
But the sequin demise of love remains.
Memories linger, and stories are untold,
A Promise to grow old; it unfolds.
Dec 10, 2024
Dec 10, 2024 at 8:42 PM UTC
I'm fine"
The response,
a sconce.
People echo this to escape the outcry.
The cry they hold on to tightly behind that damaged brick wall
they use to stall.
Only the holder knows the deceive,
while people around them believe.
I'm not fine; I’m hanging by a thread, so thin,
With the weight of the world pressing down from within.
This fragile line frays, I can feel it unwind,
While tangled webs clutter the depths of my mind.
Empty yet twisted, so fragile, so tight,
In a space that feels hollow, with barely a light.
"Will I ever break free? Will I make it alive?"
These questions keep echoing, trapped in my mind.
Instead of a rise, I'm caught in a dive,
Descending a staircase, steep and unkind.
"Am I fine?"
Nov 20, 2024
Nov 20, 2024 at 1:19 PM UTC