#tunnels
When I was 16 I got lost in a tunnel
I had a accomplice
She was braver, smarter, and cooler
Her eyes were jet black
A voice with pure harmony
Golden brown skin and a red nose
She knew everything about me
She knew my dreams
My thoughts
My nightmares
My adoration of her
I couldn’t tell you her dreams
I couldn’t tell you her thoughts
I couldn’t tell you her nightmares
Teenage arrogance destroyed us
And then I realized
There was no US
There was an idea of “US”
It just wasn’t mutual
So there’s one other being in this world
Besides your father
That truly knows what you are Malvo
Your soul is no longer your own
You fragmented it
If only you could destroy your pride
If only you didn’t get high off an idea
Perhaps an idea
A dream
Could have been reality
It’s been years now
No chinks in my armour since then
No weakness
Not even pride
Just self hatred
And hollowness
In my fortress of solitude, I got an idea
I don’t need society’s tunnels
Tunnels of love
Tunnels of envy
Or tunnels of pride
I made my own tunnel
One nobody but me can see
One I know I’ll never escape from
May 17, 2025
May 17, 2025 at 3:55 AM UTC
Some days feel like sunshine on your grandma's porch, warm,
safe, welcoming
Full of joy.
Some days feel like neverending tunnels, so
long, and dark
Like you can't wait for morning to come save you, but you
also feel like you're not ready to face tomorrow
Today's the latter
Tonight's the latter
Apr 18, 2021
Apr 18, 2021 at 1:51 PM UTC
now you know
i am not what you thought i'd be
what more did you expect?
i can now be all the forbidden colors
but still a child, a wanderer
nothing else
once you find the tunnel
you will find the way out
and once you start down this path
you will not stop running
it's not easy, being you
sometimes you have to lie
to find the truth
in the bubble of life
you're too afraid to pop
will you grow so large
until it can no longer hold you?
or will you let it suffocate you?
will you go on and rot?
Aug 18, 2019
Aug 18, 2019 at 3:40 AM UTC
Look down.
There’s a whole world below,
dug out and timber-framed,
mapped and named.
Its tunnels stretch for miles
under the mountain.
Once it shook with blasting,
screech of train, and whistles.
The coal was iridescent blue.
Headlights on a curved track
burst like shooting stars
out of the deep.
That mirror world is dark now.
The men laid down their tools,
and took the mantrip
to the surface, home.
In the quiet,
hear the mountain sigh.
Aug 1, 2019
Aug 1, 2019 at 8:09 PM UTC
I cannot see what you feel
I cannot feel what you taste
These senses are plenty
But boy what a waste
In a world filled with wonder
It's a shame not to feel
Surrender our demons
in order to heal
My cries they are patient
to those who can hear
but the shadows that follow
are ever so near
So come light a candle
from the tunnels inside
And face back those mirrors
For these demons,
They hide.
Aug 21, 2018
Aug 21, 2018 at 6:50 AM UTC
I don’t know why I keep coming down here
Into the dark abyss of these tunnels.
It’s like something’s calling out to me
Guiding my feet without my permission
Like I’m just along for the ride.
Water drips down from the lower level of the 82nd street station—
Downtown B and C train.
I’m in a cave with dripping stalactites
But instead of awe and wonder
All I’m bracing myself for
Is absolute collapse.
The train roars in
Ba Dum Ba Dum Ba Dum
Slowly making its way to a stop
With a whine of its wheels locking into place
And a screech of the doors opening, protesting all the way.
I know I shouldn’t get inside
Should walk the twenty blocks
In sub-zero temperatures
Where at least the light will shine—
But something beckons me from the darkness.
As the train slowly begins to move
I see the red and blue lights waiting, watching, outside the window
The apparent heterochromia of the monster that lives and breathes and is these tunnels.
I’m suddenly sure that I’ll never return.
Jan 31, 2018
Jan 31, 2018 at 10:53 PM UTC
Time has come,
And it never feels like what you envisage.
Shades that were drawn, are now beginning to fade.
Tip your hat to the unknown, be the passenger.
Engage the reverie, evolve as you go.
Dine at the arrangement, the subtle choice.
Entertaining ideas cycling within, a soliloquy echoes through.
An eternity welcomes a chemical release.
Tunnels of hues, overwhelmed and confused.
Hiccup to existence, all are amused
Oct 11, 2016
Oct 11, 2016 at 7:12 PM UTC
I have fallen in love with tunnels
The way they seem to never end
The light that always comes eventually
My hand smells like you after I hold yours for long
I whisper "you smell like home" and a tear tries to escape my eyes
The light, is in your eyes
I have fallen in love with the way your shirts fit you
And how the wind always blows in the right direction when you look at me
The light, is in my eyes
I have fallen in love with books and characters
The way people fall in love slowly, or really fast
How their hearts feel
Light, or heavy.. Never in between
I have fallen in love with our love story
Our first "I love you", and never the last
I love you, I love you, I love you
Never put out the light in me
I have fallen in love with you. Slowly, and then fast.
Like a train wreck, happily falling to pieces
Because now my puzzle piece finally found the other part
Like ocean waves finally reaching the shore
The darkness in me is illuminated by your light
You are my light
You are my light.
Apr 29, 2016
Apr 29, 2016 at 3:43 PM UTC
If my dad was here
There would be no heartbreak, no hard ship
no heart ache, no 'I quits' no I can'ts' and no church candles to be lit
No fear of the dark or fear of the end
No tears to be shed on August 27th
If my dad was here
We'd build our own treehouse
I'd pass my exams cause there's no one else I'd want to help me out
He'd help me get on with my mother, and we'd always go out with my brother
We'd do family things together and not cry about past lovers
If my dad was here I'd be a princess no longer searching for a crown
I wouldn't need counselling for all the times a man's laid me down
If my dad was here maybe I wouldn't try to fill any voids
I'm not saying everything would've been perfect but, if I could go back that would be my choice
I'd make it me instead, seeing as the prophecy said one must die in 97,
So then I'd be my dad's own angel, writing poetry from Heaven
But I can't undo the past and I can't change a future that's unseen yet
All I have are these photographs of my mum and dad oh how my face should be between theirs
My dad wore a dark grey suit with a blue tie on his wedding day,
My mum still never told me the exact date but
If I were to ever find out that'd be my second birthday
If my dad was here,
I'd finally have a permanent reason to stay..
But seeing as he's no longer here
I'd best be on my way,
Travelling and writing,
Sharing these exact words..
Singing and smiling,
Celebrating my self worth
Dancing and rocking out,
I'm pretty sure he would've liked Elvis and also the Beatles
I'm pretty sure he would have liked anyone who touched the lives of ordinary people..
Oh how my dad was not an ordinary person.
Jan 9, 2015
Jan 9, 2015 at 9:18 AM UTC
You say I smile to often
You say I don't know pain
Well, friend, if you knew my night time dreams
You wouldn't say it again
They say that us smilers are silly
That life is simply the loss and gain
But they don't know our secret
They think it's all trained
Here is the smilers secret
We walk through the dark tunnels of life just like you
But when you turn from the light at the end of the tunnel
We walk until the light is our point of view
And we never get tired of the light on our face
We never return to the dark
For who would want to walk in that tunnel
When you've seen the light of His heart?
I think that's part of your problem
You're afraid of what you don't know
I think that you've only known darkness
And that's all you think you can sow
Yes darkness still follows me sometimes
It's just a part of this life
But you chose to let light or dark lead you
Through the tunnels of strife
But please, don't follow the tunnel's dark paths
And next time the light shines in your eyes
Remember it's not pointing out your pain
It's helping you see past the lies
So walk through the light at your tunnel
And if you are able to
Remember to take some of that light
And take it to others, like I've done for you
Aug 21, 2014
Aug 21, 2014 at 4:13 PM UTC
“where do we go from here?”
a line that haunts a million songs
like a small, aching insect
creeping in through the cracks in the lyrics
and spreading its wings to infect the expanse
of music that reaches my ears
do you ever feel like there’s a theme to your life?
some familiar collection of words, some thought
that pervades the space around you
and finds body in the world that follows
your every move
some chord, bright or dire or dim
that resounds in the echoes
in the tunnels you pass through
and sings silently after each word you speak
ringing softly beneath your footsteps
colouring the air you exhale
“where do we go from here?”
the first time i heard those six words
i have no idea where i was
or when
but i remember the thought that came to mind as
desolation
and it made my heart hurt
and i was happy
because i now i could prove its existence
“where do we go from here?”
one day i heard those six syllables
as i often did, above me
tinny and abrupt from the speakers
hidden in public places, among the plastic clouds
and spiderwebs
and i, at the precipice
of some great beginning
felt that thought beneath my step
and my soul sang, it breathed in deep
and i was happy
because now i could prove its existence
“where do we go from here?”
one day i found those words
etched into the notes of some electronic
heartbeat or sellout tune
and i, in the middle of a slow tumble
towards the realization of a loss
of a feeling i had worked so hard to find
felt the emptiness between my fingers
and the ground pressing into the soles of my feet
and the ache once again in my mind
and my heart and my soul
and i knew now the existence
of the feeling inspired
by the downturn of that phrase, six words
that speak to us all
“where do we go from here?”
i thought of this line on my own time
and never knew how to use it
until today, aware of a familiar scent
in the air, i sat down
and faced the six words haunting my ears
and embraced their meaning
closed my eyes and breathed in their truth
felt the confusion and desolation and joy
that seeped into my bones the harder i tried
to join myself with the forever aching phrase
that i now know was written
to describe the way i move through this life
and today, as i walked
with false purpose along the real lines of the road
i felt words pressing sharp into my cheeks
and i turned to you but could not let them free
six words, a simple door
into the patterned floor and closed curtains
of my untidy mind
and so i let the sentence be
swallowed it whole, let it sit in my lungs
a while longer
and i still have yet to ask you
“where do we go from here?”
has there ever been an answer to that question?
Feb 26, 2014
Feb 26, 2014 at 12:17 AM UTC