#truejoy
expectations crowded my mind in the days when my desperation was sorta high.
it felt like i fitted in with the rest, fitted into their league of rash lovers and surface swimmers.
it started with a "had enough."
which led to me having to rush and led to my second decision and then it hit me hard on me but yet so soft and subtle--it seemed to be.
bothering and confusing, assumptions were made.
And they tormented me yesterday and the day before, and the day before....it nearly got me today.
i saw ________ again and i chose to shut my eyes, just not completely, i chose to slip by but not ignoring the fact that i knew ________ saw me at the corners of ___ eye.
i didn't even wave goodbye or smiled a "hi".
sigh, how could i forget, the making of a moon?
a laughter that made me cringe and sin,
a memory that never seems to fade away, a lasting portrait still swings in my mind today.
only when i see _____.
if i don't know i have let ___ down already, when ___ expected a nicely wrapped gift from me.
my heart and my chest was tied tightly together, and i seem to be unable to breathe, and i seem to pause only to know that i am sinking in, bre e e eeeeeeeee a t hing in.
i place them into
your hands,
i do not know what will happen, but i am rest assured in your plans.
Feb 7, 2019
Feb 7, 2019 at 10:33 AM UTC
i didn't know why i felt dark as i dwelled in the light.
i mean, everything is fine, going well, all swell,
and yet i felt dark and well....left in darkness.
wishing i was dead, crying in the silence of the night at 1am, i was hoping someone could hear my chocked cries.
.
but then.
you reminded me you are real.
you have always been.
you opened my eyes, you opened my wrinkled hands.
you've held my heart close to yours.
your light shines true.
your love, grace, mercy, kindness rings true.
and maybe i don't know why i feel the way i do, the way my mind is wired.
but you say your plans are good.
your plans would not harm me but give me a hope and a future.
you will be my light, my strength, my hope.
and i will shine your light on other people too.
i will do my best.
Dec 13, 2018
Dec 13, 2018 at 9:14 AM UTC
Just give,
Just live,
Just speak,
Just dream,
and little by little
you will grow brighter.
Aug 16, 2018
Aug 16, 2018 at 7:22 PM UTC
touchy subjects.
hidden mistakes.
crashing thunder.
My heart, the rain.
Plundering down into the mess.
Trying to find hope in the dark.
Crying in a dark place.
trying to fix my mistakes.
fixing mistakes by not trying at all is not the way.
i tried.
but i made it worst.
No day is my day.
it really isn't
i say this not because i am broken or sad.
because isn't it true?
everyday belongs to the one who made it.
HIM.
He gave me another chance to live...
He gave me another day to breathe!
He sees potential in me that he would be willing to give me one more day to live.
When we die it's not that God didn't see the potential in us.
He gave all of us ample time.
Ample time to think.
Ample time to reflect.
Ample time to Love.
Amble time to Hope.
Ample time to help others, serve others.
The thing is.
I need happiness.
A true one.
"the one which would last."
I would ask.
I would want.
the one that would stick.
but surely.
through the storms i have been through.
i can rightfully and truthfully tell you,
that he gives true joy.
One that sticks for eternity.
One that is eternal, that will be.
One that is just so good.
so sweet.
so bliss.
so free...
i want that joy.
and you and i would never find it anywhere in any store.
True Joy.
True peace.
Is found in HIM.
The source.
The ONE.
He is the one I want.
The thing is...I already have him.
Serving him.
Has never been in second place in my "blessings" list.
It is so beautiful.
All of him that I have, would never be in second place of the list.
I want you.
Jul 9, 2018
Jul 9, 2018 at 6:28 AM UTC