#truama
I pluck a rose from my garden
out of season and pale from youth
stem smooth and bland
petals flushed yet rigid
I want to see a beautiful red
vermilion and deep
luscious and succulent
perhaps next year I will see one.
once again I revisit my garden
shrubbery crowding my yard
youthful buds have blossomed
pinkish hues turning deep red
this is my time
I will have the perfect red
I reach forward, hand meeting stem
ouch!
deep red seeps onto my palm
the same shade as the roses
scarlet
deep
perfect.
I continue on,
thorns embedding within the cracks of my skin
perfection dripping from the wounds
more red
deep red
beautiful red
I've finally gotten my perfect red.
Apr 7
Apr 7, 2026 at 2:57 AM UTC
When I was created-
In the image of my father,
Since he, too, was fated,
The image of his father.
When he left me behind,
And I was forced to act as such.
Was Satan too left blind,
To his holy father’s touch?
And as my own son grows,
Starving at love's empty altars.
His time runs thin, he knows,
His father’s love soon falters.
He'll leave his own domain,
As I, too, have abandoned mine,
And must I be to blame?
A familial curse in twine.
How a son’s tears might have dried,
Had his father's arms been open wide.
Feb 8
Feb 8, 2026 at 3:14 PM UTC
Gentle.
Mindful.
Mind full.
Release.
Store Tension.
Breathe in.
Sigh!
Out!
Stored Tension.
Cry.
Press your lips.
Now release.
Cry.
Sigh.
Dry.
Quiet.
Listen.
To your shoulders.
Cry.
Pressed lips
Closed eyes.
You need a shoulder.
Quiet.
Try,
To listen to your back.
Pressed knees.
Stretch your arms forward.
Palms on the floor.
Nails out.
Release the boulder
On your back,
From your back.
Not going back.
We’re moving forward.
Sit up.
Stretch out your arms,
Like bird wings.
Close your wings.
Bring it in.
Stretch your left arm,
Hand touching neck.
Crack.
Stretch your right arm,
Hand touching neck,
Crack.
Roll your neck,
Round and round.
And roll back,
Round and round.
Move your hips,
Side to side.
On the brink.
On the floor.
Lay your back,
Straight.
On the floor.
Straight.
Lift your hip out,
Stretch-release.
Cry.
Now.
Wow!
Breathe.
Out.
Lift your hip out,
Stretch-release.
Cry.
Now.
Wow!
Breathe.
Out.
Trauma
Out.
Listening to amaka.
“I won’t make it out.”
On repeat.
Trying to make it out.
Slowly and consciously,
Breathing.
Regulate,
Your Nerve,
System.
Oct 8, 2025
Oct 8, 2025 at 6:36 PM UTC
I can’t even say your name.
It withers on my tongue...
like a dying breath.
Like a prayer I never should’ve whispered.
A forbidden word,
a memory buried—
but not deep enough.
I held your secret—
tight,
like a corpse cradled in my ribs.
It pulsed there,
rotting slow,
whispering lies
in a voice that sounded too much like mine.
You told me this…
was healing.
You said:
This is what you need.
You said:
This is love.
And I—
I believed you.
Because I thought love could look like you.
I thought maybe
you saw the part of me
I kept hidden.
The holy part.
The waiting part.
I made a promise once.
To something higher.
Older.
Holier.
To wait.
To be whole.
To offer myself to someone
who could see the soul beneath the skin.
And you…
you made me think
you were that someone.
You said all the right things.
Held me like I was something sacred.
Looked at me
like I was light.
But you—
you didn’t come for the light.
You came for the heat.
The curve.
The body—
not the being.
And when I whispered no…
you didn’t flinch.
When I begged—
please stop…
your hands were deaf.
Your breath—
heavy.
Your need louder than my pain.
I cried.
I shook.
I begged.
You heard me.
You heard everything.
And still—
you stayed.
You stayed
and you took
what was never yours.
You were close—
so close
to the thing you wanted.
And nothing else mattered.
Not my voice.
Not my tears.
Not the sacred vow
I placed in your hands
like a fragile, flickering flame.
You crushed it.
Extinguished it.
And left me in the ash.
And when I came to you—
small,
shattered,
trying to understand how love
could feel like drowning—
I said:
You hurt me.
You took what I never gave.
And you looked at me,
so calm,
so sure,
and said:
Your body said yes.
Your mouth said no, but I knew what you needed.
As if my body was louder than my voice.
As if my begging meant nothing.
As if the pain you caused
was some kind of gift.
You knew.
Don’t pretend you didn’t.
You wore understanding like a mask—
but it slipped, didn’t it?
Right before you did
what can’t be undone.
Now I am silence.
Now I am ruin.
Now I am the echo
of a girl
who once believed in light.
I feel your hands even now—
ghost-hands,
burned into memory.
You forgot me.
I know.
I’m dust to you.
Mist in your rearview.
But you…
you are the grave I wake in.
The scream I cannot voice.
The shadow I drag
through every room,
through every prayer.
I want to forget.
I beg to forget.
I would burn my own name
to forget.
But you haunt me.
Still.
Still.
Still.
May 18, 2025
May 18, 2025 at 6:34 AM UTC
It hurts me
To know
She's crying because of me
I didn't mean to cause her distress
She's my sister at the end of the day.
She worries she says I wish I could of seen you struggle Insted of cutting
I cry because i don't want to be her reason behind her tears
She's my sister
My world
Sep 25, 2020
Sep 25, 2020 at 12:50 PM UTC
I don't exactly know who needed this today
But the trauma that you carry doesn't ever go away
In fact there's more, just wait
We're not all built the same
It's absolutely fascinating just how far that you have made it
Still too young to be enduring all this pain and scarring
Truly I am sorry & I do apologize for all the pictures in your head
I know the flashbacks make you mad
And nightmares seem real bad
Sometimes of sleeping you're still scared
But no, you're not better off dead
There's no getting over it, get through it instead
Start coping healthier, keep going forward
You're only still here cause you're strong enough
You're the survivor
Tell your stories with pride
Always keep your head held high
Aug 4, 2020
Aug 4, 2020 at 12:00 AM UTC
Tried to wash the scars embedded on me
Submerged the voices that left me haunted
Drowned the visions from the tall red oak tree
Remembering when you asked to “flaunt it”
I tried to scream, but choked on nonsense words
Your malevolent laughs replays in my mind
No evidence, but me and the blue birds
How hard is it for one to just be kind?
You left me with pain, you left me to cry
I can never get my innocence back
Yet, I still love you, but I don’t know why
I may not remember all that happened,
But my body does, my body remembers it all
May 5, 2020
May 5, 2020 at 3:09 PM UTC
The darkness behind our eyes
Malice within our souls
The rebellion our menace
The prison we locked ourselves in
A cage we built to trap our wild hearts
Treading the fine line between
Normalcy and psychopathy
Vengeance, violence and brutality
All that we've masked in our grace
Hiding beneath our placid demeanor
Gentle breaths tender caresses
Soft lips whispering sweet nothings
Our words carefully scripted
Depicting a picture of purity and perfection
False sincerity reaching out to others
Only to burn all that we lay our hands upon
Malingering through days
Sugar laced actions and innocent smiles
Life is but a masquerade
As we dance or days away
Mar 4, 2018
Mar 4, 2018 at 12:21 AM UTC
You can try to fix me,
I Dare you!
But there is nothing from the past
That you can undo,
There is nothing I can re-live
Or redo.
There is Nothing we can forget.
There are only the Flashbacks
Residual memories,
Fighting to get out despite
The torment.
Pain ... ...
[fear]
|| A || X || I || E || T || Y ||
Loneliness...
¶¶¶ Depression
Replaying like a broken track
A warped Melody.
Sep 17, 2017
Sep 17, 2017 at 11:40 PM UTC
Some may call me crazy, because often the majority do,
But I will never forget who you were,
Yes, I will never forget you.
Some will always see the evil, some will always pull out the bad,
But no one was born to be a cruel
person,
Nor an evil man.
You may never remember, you will probably deny it again,
But I remember the moment, when you begged to have a friend.
I remember when you spoke, you told me of your suffering and pain,
You told me you were once happy, when you were still, you quoted "sane."
You reminded me of your mother, and how you loved your sister so,
But how dark times came so sudden, how you had fallen so very low.
*"He took everything away from me, and gave me to the Devil,
Now I remain in power, so I shall not ever fall to his level.
I hate what I've become, but hell, you will never know,
What it's like to see your reflection and hate it with a passion,
Wanting to **** what it shows.
They have me captive just as they have you,
They do not want anyone to know any of their truths.
I want to die and have prayed for my death every single night,
In hopes whatever god is listening will end me of my plight.
Please help me, I am so sorry for what I have done,
I truly do mean it, I swear on my family's on blood.
You may not forgive me, because what is left to forgive?
If anyone, it is you, who deserves to fully live."*
Before I could try, before I could speak, you were gone again,
Your eyes turned dark and you had that smile, one that was ruthless and bleak.
As if a demon, silenced you, as if some darkness had won,
You were no longer your true self, no, you were gone.
You laughed at my tears, as I shed them that night,
Not in the name of my own suffering,
But because I saw a man lose his own fight.
Jul 30, 2017
Jul 30, 2017 at 5:14 AM UTC