I scream in pain and I hurt from things that haven’t taken place
I scream in pleasure and ***** thoughts of *** and *** 
coat the inside of my brain
Sobbing after the release, the water drips down my face from above
It hurts
A distraction for a second, a distraction, 
I am trying to hold on to what I have
It’s slow and fast and theres not enough time
I slam my head back against the shower wall
I want to sit here in the warmth and the despair and the nothing
I want to be pushed to release again
I want to be pushed a little more just all I need so I can finally end things for good
Final release