#traumahealing
I did not break.
I adapted.
The Watcher —
eyes sharp,
pulse wired,
reading danger before it breathed.
Paranoia, I called her.
Trauma, she was.
The Fire —
love fiercely or lose everything.
Cut first. Burn first. Strike first.
Too much, I said.
Fear of being left, she was.
The Pleaser —
soft voice, over-giving hands,
apologising before words formed.
Weak, I called her.
Survival, she was.
The Ghost —
blank eyes, drifting,
watching my own life
like it belonged elsewhere.
Broken, I called her.
Protection, she was.
The Shadow —
heavy, quiet, pressing in,
carrying pain that threatened to consume me.
Shame, I called her.
Survival, she was.
The Fighter —
back straight, pride stubborn,
homeless but unbowed,
fear in one hand, pride in the other.
Cold, I called her.
She was surviving.
Years passed —
doors closed.
Trust shattered.
Safety disappeared.
Mind split into extremes —
safe or unsafe,
love or loss,
forever or never.
Nervous system alarmed.
Every raised voice,
every pause,
every shadow
a threat.
I thought I was unstable.
Difficult.
Disordered.
But I was dysregulated.
Unhealed.
Running from fires that were already over.
Every mask had a job.
The Watcher prevented danger.
The Fire prevented abandonment.
The Pleaser prevented conflict.
The Ghost prevented collapse.
The Shadow prevented being consumed.
The Fighter prevented defeat.
They kept me breathing
when I did not know how to live.
Healing came slowly —
pausing when the chest tightened,
questioning what was real,
staying when survival screamed run.
I am still healing.
Some days the Watcher wakes first.
Some days the Fire flares.
Some days the Ghost drifts.
Some days the Shadow presses heavy.
But now I notice.
Now I breathe.
Now I choose.
I do not hate the masks.
They built me.
They carried me.
They survived for me.
I am not just survival now.
I am regulation in progress.
Attachment learning safety.
Nervous system slowly trusting
that not every shadow
is a threat.
I am softer —
but not weaker.
Aware —
but not ruled by fear.
I am not cured.
I am becoming.
Stronger than any mask
ever made me.
Feb 20
Feb 20, 2026 at 4:33 AM UTC
Misery is where distasteful love likes to hide— where she keeps
falling for showboats dressed like lifeboats, the world watches her
drown again. Funny how even the coldest kiss feels warm when
you’re tired of being alone.
Golden boys shine loud from a distance, but up close, their glow
goes too quiet. Their hearts aren’t real, their promises aren't heavy,
and the intentions lose their colour the moment she holds them too
close.
Their words hit like fireworks— bright, loud, gone fast. They aim
for her heart, _shoot a couple shots,_ but only the true ones stay after
the impact, to help cover the bruise. But most take what they want,
leaving the apology unfinished, and move on like she was a season.
Most of them live behind masks; clean edges, perfect smiles, their
lies rehearsed to look like devotion. And the real ones carry their
scars in plain sight, not competing for gold, silver, or bronze, just
hoping for an honourable mention in the story of someone they
hope to love.
At the funeral of her latest heartbreak, most of the gold walks away
untouched, leaving her misery as the only inheritance they know
how to leave behind. And the rest stand there again, the good
guy in the corner, loving her like a truth she refuses to learn:
_Some halos come with horns._
Nov 29, 2025
Nov 29, 2025 at 6:00 AM UTC
Just forgive him
He is too old now
She said
We do not know how many days he has left
I can forgive him, and so can you
She said
But momma—
We are not the same, don’t we?
You can forgive him for the sake of your late mother.
But I am not.
I am who I am.
I forgave him too many times.
I forgave him for my whole life—
For you sake
And your belief in karma.
But there is a limit to what I can forgive him.
Don’t you think?
That your righteousness killing me slowly?
Don’t you know I forgave him before?
Momma, I am not as forgiving and loving as you.
The man who was supposed to protect me, you, and your momma.
He was, is, and will still be the evil of the story I told.
Momma!
See!
Me—the only plant you ever grow
Grow with
The hatred that was nourished by your venom.
Ha! Ma!
You see it now?
This plant is never growing in ecstasy like you expected
But Momma, don’t you ever worry about it.
It will grow as it should be— bruised and broken.
The plant of forgiveness is what I am supposed to be.
But I cannot be what you want me to be
So I ended up being the plant of resentment.
Jun 9, 2025
Jun 9, 2025 at 6:35 AM UTC