#tongueincheek
Boredom on a Sunday is inescapable
I try to hide it behind playing my musical instrument
Trumpeting with my trumpet - blowing my own horn -
I'm praying no one interprets that last sentence as an innuendo
Anyway, I'm nodding off, signing out of reality
The world goes hazy in a second
And I'm ****** into the vortex of a dream
Weird how when a dream begins, we immediately understand the situation
For this scene, I'm spewing blood from my spleen like a bottle of sauce squeezed too hard
It stains the leather of my vehicle
My foot is pressing the pedal to the floor, and the speedometer is twinged in half from all the pressure
The monolith of a highway I'm speeding on shakes as though giants stomp upon it
And the wail of a siren drives me into a frenzy as I try to escape the inevitable
Their polychromatic lights dance at the edges of my eyes, spurring rhythm into action
Even though they must be aeons behind, my heart melodramatically pumps in my chest as though the police are in the backseat
Blood bursting through my temple, thoughts wheezing by like someone's let go of hundreds of balloons
Up ahead, the road twists itself into a knot of nothingness
My hands are wrapped around the steering wheel so tightly, I fear I might never be able to release them
It's a slight movement: right hand goes down, left goes up, but it kicks the vehicle sideways
My body slams into the car with a satisfying crunch and my mind spirals to spaghetti strands
Oddly enough, the world becomes rinsed with blue wash and I'm underwater
My train of thought becomes peaceful, melodic
I float about, running on the inverse of the waves
Here, even a scream is joyous as it sounds all bubbly and childish
Suddenly, a red streak runs across the ocean, chilling me to the bone and erasing all my bubbles
The sea becomes glittered with red and blue streaks, a warning
Bullets stab at my spleen, reminding me of the pain that was, and still is
And my body gears into a full 360, concluding my return to the real world
Or is it the dream world?
Oh well
Either way, I'm back in my car
Carelessly freefalling from nowhere
Weapons, glass, blood droplets, pocket change, pedestrians...all breeze around slowly
Pleading with me to wake up
Then
Everything crumbles, and I smack my ugly head against the window, splattering my brains everywhere
My car flew from the sudden turn and I crashed, I think
Now I lay, grasping onto consciousness while pedagogues staple me to the ground
The Lawman towers over me, grinning madly at my defeat
The most barbaric insult, however, comes from the radio, still magically working
"I fought the law and the law won," The Clash idly sing
One of my favourite songs turned into dark irony
The last I remember before blacking out is the scarlet and marine lights clashing forevermore
When I wake up, I'm face-down on the stony and icy floor
The cold burns me enough to wake me from la la land
The iron grip of the handcuffs feels very real
Words are forced into my head, not by my own design, but sort of like they've been placed there
An argument as to whether existence has a meaning is taking place in my head, and I can't stop it
Sort of like how in a dream, you can't control your thoughts or actions
Wait
This is still a dream, right?
Right?
May 30, 2018
May 30, 2018 at 5:57 AM UTC
Oh dear God! Is that the date? Please tell me it’s not true
I did not know it was that late, I’ve got so much to do.
I might be ready at a push, if I do not panic
But it will be an awful rush, possibly quite manic.
So much Christmas fare to make, I do not know where to start,
Three puddings and at least one cake, oh I must not fall apart.
Then there are the letters for Santa, cards for the relations,
And of course the Christmas tree, plus all the decorations.
And I must order the turkey, and not forget the ham
why do I bring this on me, I’m stupid so I am
and do not forget the stuffing, the veg and the gravy
brandy sauce for the pudding, oh this will be the death of me
I have to buy so many presents, but there will be no shocks
Last year I saw sense, after I received so many socks
I must not forget anyone, just in case they visit
I know I will forget someone, oh it’s not worth it, is it?
I am so busy I cannot think, and time is getting near
Oh I must not forget the drink, like I did last year
I need to get the kids new clothes and probably new shoes
Why I do it only God knows, because they hate everything I choose
Which parties will I attend, it is really hard to know
Because it drives people round the bend, when I accept and then don’t show
There is a list of people I must see, or should I disappear
I think they are still mad at me, for not visiting last year
Oh there is so much to organize for this Christmas Day
But after being up to my eyes I might just sleep the day away
But ‘tis the season of good cheer, a time to show goodwill
But as the day draws ever near I am sometimes fit to ****
I will do my best to get it done, I have my mind set
To make sure that everyone has their best Christmas yet
So I must get my finger out, that much I do know
Because there are only about…..fifty weeks to go!!
Nov 16, 2015
Nov 16, 2015 at 9:23 AM UTC
Just slept another
day away,
Forgot to see the
sun rise.
Thought it was
nightfall,
But I guess
I was mistaken
this time.
Got out the wrong
side of the bed,
Put on my
disguise, again.
No one likes
a sad man,
Otherwise,
What’s to say
I’m fine?
Time seems to
pass everyone by
And I wish it
would speed up
in this lifetime.
But the hands
on the clock,
Only moves so far,
just like the sands
in the hourglass
of time.
Just slept another
day away,
Watched the sun,
Come creeping up,
Wore the face of
grief, and regret
under forced
smiles and alibis.
No one likes a sad man.
Why even try?
Sep 11, 2023
Sep 11, 2023 at 1:44 AM UTC
I have noticed that during any argument
A woman’s language is completely different
What is said is not always what is meant
You should ignore this to your detriment!
If during a discussion she lets out a long sigh
You should know better than to even try
Looking for an explanation as to why
Unless of course you really want to die
The sigh should indicate she is quite exasperated,
does not appreciate you being quite so opinionated
That you could be so stupid is making her frustrated
and if you carry on this way you are going to be berated.
The sigh may also indicate she does not want to argue
That she could not be bothered fighting with you
Stopping right there would be the best thing to do
But most men keep on digging because they have not got a clue
The alarm bells should start to ring
If she should say “IT IS NOTHING”!
Know that it is indeed something
And not just any little thing!
You would be wise never to forget
though she may insist “I AM NOT UPSET”
She is actually seething, you can bet
and you will be paying for this for a long time yet.
You should know you have crossed the line,
You need to know that she is lyin’
If she tells you that she is “FINE”!
Because you have just stepped on a landmine!
Please be warned that she just may
Simply tell you that “IT’S OK”
This only means you are going to pay
For the error of your ways someday!
You would be completely off your head,
You would probably need to be brain dead
To take her literally if she said:
“THAT IS FINE, GO AHEAD”
Do not be fooled into thinking it is true
When she tells you “IT IS UP TO YOU”
She is just daring you to follow through
knowing she objects, it’s the worst thing you could do!
And if she should say “THANKS A LOT”
Do not think you have hit the Jackpot
Because you most certainly have not
You will pay for this, not a little but a lot!
If she should say “THAT IS JUST FANTASTIC”!
Do not start thinking you are right or anything so drastic
She is actually telling you that you make her sick
She may feel she is losing and is only being sarcastic.
The last word you want to hear is “WHATEVER”
Do not start thinking that you are oh so clever
It means she will remember this argument forever
And feel free to throw it back in your face, whenever
Do not feel you have won if she tells you “YOU ARE RIGHT”
It is extremely unlikely but you never know, she might
She is only telling you that she is fed up of this fight
But rest assured you will pay for this, for many a night.
If she is desperate she may just turn on the tears
A tactic employed by the fairer *** for years
very successfully too, because it appears
this is one of each and every mans greatest fears.
If she gives you the Silent Treatment, just let it be
Buying chocolates and flowers only tells her you feel guilty
You are admitting that you’re wrong is all that she will see
And that is the way things will continue for all eternity.
So you cannot say that you have not been warned
that Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
Though we come from different planets from one another
It seems we cannot live with, or without, each other
And it’s healthy to argue when alls said and done
When making up afterwards can be such great fun.
Despite our differences we should all thank the man above
For the fact that we’re loved and have someone to love.
Jun 17, 2015
Jun 17, 2015 at 7:50 AM UTC
Women use the “Silent Treatment” as a strategy
When men transgress, no matter how trivial it might be
The following is an example, a scenario
Typical of how these situations go.
What have I said?
What have I done!
Don’t wreck my head,
Tell me please hon.
Was it that bad?
How could it be?
You will drive me mad
If you don’t speak to me!!
Was I so wrong?
What did I say?
This is going on too long
Is this it for the day?
It’s like a bad dream
This cant be right
Why don’t you scream
If you want to fight?
Are you so sick?
Or are you insane?
Does it give you a kick
To see me in pain?
I’m losing my patience
I’m not getting through
Would you please see some sense
And tell me WHAT DID I DO???
This is getting us nowhere
Can you stop messing around
You are just not playing fair
With this picture without sound
Right I’ve had enough
I’m not taking this anymore
You’re not speaking? TOUGH
I’m walking out that door.
Well I really don’t know
I’m away on the beer
Unless you can show
That you want me here
God! Did you speak?
Blow me down dead
Your voice was so weak
What was it you said?
Why are you glaring?
Are you out of your tree?
Why are you staring
Like you could **** me?
Have you nothing to say?
Why do you shake?
Do you want me to stay
Or was it my mistake?
Right! I’m away out!
This is a joke.
You should spit it out
Before you choke
Did you say don’t go?
Speak again fast
Are you in there Hello!
Time is getting past.
Oh no! Not a tear!
Baby please don’t.
You don’t have to fear
I won’t go so I won’t!
Is that all it was?
Oh It’s ok honey
I’m only laughing because
You must see it’s funny.
You don’t have to cry
You don’t have to worry
Though I’m still not sure why
I am really sorry.
Jul 31, 2015
Jul 31, 2015 at 3:41 PM UTC
Ole ye fast & faithful fighters
Of well-planned strategy,
Thy weapon ready,
And not a moment to waste,
In many ways revolutionary,
A credit to rapid deployment
In the clutch,
Lauded by thy colonies,
Thy wives?
Not so much...
Nov 22, 2019
Nov 22, 2019 at 8:39 PM UTC
I wanted to be your hero
What you needed was a therapist
Jun 11, 2019
Jun 11, 2019 at 4:17 AM UTC