#thestruggleisreal
Journal Entry #7
I have a beautiful one year old, harlequin, Great Dane and she's huge.
I'm use to people staring but I was not prepared for today.
So they we were, walking in the snow.
I had my headphones on.
Music blasting.
Minding my own **** business and these two very attractive guys pull over and yell, "hey" loudly at me.
I stop and turn and they say to me,
"what's your baby's name?"
(Mind you, I am awkward as **** when it comes to interacting with men in anyway, and this entire interaction caught me completely off guard.)
So I smiled awkwardly and replied, "Sawyer."
They both smiled widely at me and the driver leaned forward and yelled "Hiiiiii Sawyer."
All I could do was laugh because to me this was just hilarious.
Still smiling at me, both the driver and the guy in the passenger seat finally wave and say bye and all I could come up with at the time was the words,
"ok."
Which brings me to the conclusion that if you're dog is getting more attention than you I should just assume the title forever alone.
Apr 1, 2018
Apr 1, 2018 at 3:50 PM UTC
Ugh! I need to workout
But this
Doughnut's tempting me!
Mar 10, 2016
Mar 10, 2016 at 5:51 PM UTC
Thoughtless phrasing for shallow trouble; you know nothing of the gravity of life.
Sarcasm, does not become you.
Jan 25, 2016
Jan 25, 2016 at 2:11 PM UTC
Hard to live with all of this weight, when it gets rough I begin to hate, follow me there is all that I hear, it's not so easy and that's what I fear, hold my strength with full grip, this path is wet so I can't slip, tear my face to endless pleasure, time right now is hard to measure, steal a cloud and take that walk, life is real and that's my shock, even ice is oh so brittle, take me there or shrink me little......
May 9, 2015
May 9, 2015 at 12:35 PM UTC
Hey guys,
I think this is more of a notice than a poem,
But I got let out of the hospital last night after three hours of being on a respiratory machine because I was seriously struggling to breathe without any aid.
All this because I had a severe throat infection that spreaded into my chest and effected my lungs.
All thus just to tell you guys that this could either cause one of two different things.
I could either:
A) be soon taken back into intensive care where the WiFi is horrendous and not be able to make it back on here for the next...while (I don't for sure how long it's going to take for recovery, to be perfectly honest x)
OR
B) I'm going to recover enough to stay at home with several antibiotics to keep the pain bearable and have a nebulizer by my side 24/7 whilst still having a good WiFi signal so I can keep in touch with you guys.
I'm really hoping that optionB will be the one that takes shape because you guys are part of my internet famalam and not being able to hear your lovely work day-to-day will tear me apart the most **
Have a blessed Sunday everyone, love you lots **
Feb 15, 2015
Feb 15, 2015 at 11:42 AM UTC
Don't know if I am a plant turning into a tree
Or a person, into a zombie.
Jan 30, 2015
Jan 30, 2015 at 9:44 AM UTC
I did it. All of it. I'm guilty of it.
I did it to forget.
I did it to become vacant.
I did it to make the constant neurosis, my own personal insanity justified.
I did it. All of it.
I did it because it seemed to be the only thing that could create the smallest ability in myself to smile.
I did it because it was easier,
I did it because it was the only "happy pill" that worked.
I did it to feel comfort, which quickly became survival.
I did it. All of it. I'm guilty.
I did it regardless of what I had to do to be able.
I did it impulsively, desperately, selfishly.
I did it to silence, or at least muffle those voices that only I could hear.
I did it to separate my soul from my body.
I did it in bathroom stalls, ally ways, in broken down and abandoned houses, in public.
I did it with people who did it too.
I did it isolated from the world and everyone in it.
I did it to slow me down, to speed me up, to function, to change the way I was without it.
I did it away from home so I could avoid the exact feelings I didn't want to feel that i saw in the ones I should have loved.
I did it. All of it.
I curled up on the floor, begging whatever may have been listening to rid me of this evil exploding out of my center. I filled my heart with a theoretical Novocaine that I'd concocted myself.
I pushed them all away.
I was alone.
Yes, I did it. All of it. I'm completely guilty of it.
Now when I speak, I hear no response.
Mar 29, 2014
Mar 29, 2014 at 4:24 PM UTC