#theofficialgew
my grandmother made a road map
printed it and tied it to the seat in front of mine
yarn a clip board and pen
i sat quietly- a six year old
tracing the milestones as we passed
toll roads
mcdonalds
rest stops
finally
gary
skyway bridge
navy pier
museum of science and industry
shed
buildings of metal and glass
i traced it all the way to-
chicago-
you will make it here one day
the city sang to me
a connection too intense
my childhood brain
decided- this
must be
love
wandering the city
my tiny hand in my grandmothers
my eyes memorizing every angle
hoping, fearlessly, that it's promise was true.
and someday
It will be the hand of freedom and opportunity
life and love and chaos
Chicago will reach out to me
and without any doubt
i will take it's hand
and follow
Jun 5, 2020
Jun 5, 2020 at 1:10 AM UTC
I dreamt
we left
to live
as hippies...
daisy chains
grass in my hair
I push a dandelion behind your ear
smiling- joyful as I watch how the sun
peeks through the spaces between your eyelashes
we drive to the sea
and sleep on the beach
because we can.
we listen to vinyl
because it sounds better.
morning coffee on a mountain top
rich droplets spilt on the sleeves of our sweaters
I picture us
through a nostalgic lens
a poloraid pasted
to the inside cover of a beat up notebook
wild and free
free
to be what we couldn't be here.
secure as we live our lives
guided by the stars
Jun 1, 2020
Jun 1, 2020 at 9:27 PM UTC
everyone wants to be
EXTRAORDINARY.
significant
glorified
and memorable
I would be lying to you
If I told you I was any different
though lately,
I've been thinking a lot about
SAFETY.
how swallowing your
electric individuality
and concealing your
perfect imperfections
hurts less.
because when you are
silent
submissive
and forgettable
you don't need to worry
about people taking
more of you
then you want to give.
they don't want it anymore.
Oct 19, 2018
Oct 19, 2018 at 9:11 PM UTC
time is always moving forward
and everything changes
but what is meant to remain consistent
is still unclear.
Oct 19, 2018
Oct 19, 2018 at 9:03 PM UTC
I’ve always seen the world
Through rose-colored glasses
Teal glitter
Sunflowers and Baby’s Breath-
Something happy
Unflawed
And beautiful
Then you died.
The rosy lens shattered
Piercing my eyes
Drawing blood and tears,
Scouring the oceanic glitter
Staining the flowers
Forcing them to wilt.
Killing them as you were killed.
Gutting me of every sense
Of security I possessed
Clogging my veins
And fraying my nerves
Until I was so devoid of sensation
And stripped down
I became empty and numb
except
the numbness wasn’t terrible
It was bearable-
Comfortable and safe
Sustainable and sustaining
I fell in and out of love,
pushed myself harder than usual,
Isolated myself
I didn’t care that was painful-
At least I could hurt
In a less tragic
And obvious way.
And to keep you with me?
I pulled all the photos of us
Out of the dusty album
That lives in our basement-
the pictures began to leave
The ghostly scent
of flowers on my skin
I re-read old letters, cards, and texts
Called your phone even though I knew
You wouldn’t answer-
I found specks of dusty blue glitter
Accumulating in the corners of my room
Between bed sheets
and at the bottom of my bathtub
Then I cried
When no one was there
When it hurt the most to miss you
When I wouldn’t cause a scene-
The tears washed my eyes raw
But that rosy hue
Never returned
through this shattering
through this torture
through this tragedy
I began to realize what it meant
To love someone
And not realize how centra
l they are to your life
Until they’re not here anymore
They can’t hug you
and tell you its going to be okay
You won’t ever see them smile
You will never be able to them you love them
And hear them say it back.
They are gone.
And you can’t do anything about it.
Mar 13, 2018
Mar 13, 2018 at 2:58 PM UTC
Philosophers, poets, and parents alike
Will advise you
to stay focused on the future
To not stand rooted
with one foot in the past
But how can I walk forward
When I am anchored to the ground
Drowning in my anxieties and doubts?
Guarding my heart and head
Like a snake slithering around it’s nest
One wrong step or misplaced sound
And the vicious bite
will take my life
So I bury my head in old photo albums,
re-read books that once made me feel free,
And wash my sheets every Sunday
So that the smell of lavender and linen
never leaves my skin
Then I wonder to myself
Why Christmas doesn’t warm my heart anymore
Or why the water at our lakes edge
for once in my life Feels cold
why I don’t
laugh as much as I used to
I trouble my mind so much
That I have to distract myself
Just to stop worrying about wasted time
And to rid the recurring realization
That at this moment I am oldest I have ever been
And the youngest I will ever be
When did getting older become so complicated?
When did it start to feel suffocating
Instead of liberating.
Feb 7, 2018
Feb 7, 2018 at 9:32 AM UTC