#theodicy
According to astrology,
The stars arrange themselves to bind
The destinies of humankind
Born under their hegemony.
What malice made those twinkling lights
****** my children, and yet spare
A father to forever bear
Grief that embitters, and ignites
A hatred for my very birth,
And the cursed womb that gave me life.
****** in this vale of loss and strife,
Pushed through that vile and ****** firth,
I live and suffer till I die.
Are the stars locked in crystal spheres
To trace their paths throughout the years,
Quite powerless to nullify,
The ruin and the doom they chart?
Or do they skip across the void,
Giddy, and cruel, and overjoyed
To wither a poor father’s heart?
If they’re condemned to blight
The fate of any mortal born
Under their aegis, they must mourn
The sentences their glint must write.
If merciful, those stars must share
The misery their shining brings,
And their own brittle glimmerings
Must lance their conscience with despair.
Extinguishing those stars that ****
Unwillingly is clemency.
Annihilation sets them free.
But if they’re vicious, it will thrill
My aching spirit to ***** out
Ill-omened and malignant stars,
Child-murderers, and the bêtes noires
Of fathers, even if devout.
Such wicked lights disgrace the night,
So, emptied, let that banner shut.
An expanse cleansed of glittery ****
Contracts so closely and so tight
No spirit banished from its rest
Can enter through that dismal gate,
Once happy, now disconsolate,
Dropped in a world they will detest.
Into that gap, the day before
And the day afterward will close.
So that cursed hour cannot expose
A naked child to famine, war,
Plague, and the agonies this world.
Inflicts upon the bad and good.
If in the womb, I’d understood
The pain awaiting, I’d have curled
Up tighter and would lock my knees.
Shutting the door, I would return
To a green glade and gurgling bourn,
A haven from atrocities.
Mar 13, 2022
Mar 13, 2022 at 3:12 PM UTC
yesterday
or was it today? i can't really tell
i saw God
more clearly than i've ever seen anything
she was
struggling to breath
unable to understand
why everything was pain
why she'd been so alone
away from all those she loved so much
her eyes bleary and fading
joy erased
but we were there with her
she could feel us again
her children and sisters huddled against her
equally at a loss
for one last image
but the last image she gave me
was when the sedative finally kicked in
and i sat face to face with her
gently stroking her beautiful head
she finally made sounds of joy again
or they could have been pain
but i think they were joy
i think i saw joy again in her eyes
i think the medicine had relieved the fear and pain
just enough for her to feel the joy of me loving her
but that moment was cut short
as they took her away
i cried “goodbye sweet baby”
sweet Angel, sweet Love
then i fell apart
completely
the next time I saw God
all the life had departed from her
all that remained for me
was her still, beautiful form
eyes open, but lifeless
and my eyes are open, but lifeless
until I see God again
Jul 11, 2021
Jul 11, 2021 at 2:34 PM UTC