#suicidaltendencies
Deep in the darkest corners of the mind,
through the corridors you will find,
the thoughts slowly skulking along,
and everything just feels so wrong,
the tricks it plays,
putting the host in a haze,
reality or not, who can tell
encompassed in an unpenetrable shell,
it blocks out the guiding light,
burying it far out of sight,
in the dark is when it does the most,
turning into your own personal ghost,
filling the brain with endless ideation,
begging you to bring it into fruition,
but if you work hard then you just might,
eradicate that suicidal parasite
Aug 14, 2024
Aug 14, 2024 at 3:53 PM UTC
Yesterday
Driving down
The road
Lizard brain said
Pull the steering wheel
Find the peace
You’re craving
Do it.
Yesterday
Monkey brain said
Climb under table
Table safe
No noise
Curl up
Safe
A week ago
Lizard brain said
Stab scissors
Into palm
Do it
A week ago
Monkey brain said
Blanket over head
Hides self
Safe
A month ago
Lizard brain said
Walk into traffic
Jump.
It’s time.
A month ago
Monkey brain said
Tell everybody
How you feel
They care
Safe
6 months ago
Lizard brain said
Those pills?
Take them all
No feelings.
Just bliss.
6 months ago
Monkey brain was quiet.
2 years ago
On the balcony
Five stories high
View of my whole world
Lizard brain said jump.
No one will miss you.
Do it.
Safe.
And the only thing
keeping me alive
Was the fact that
I didn’t want
To make
Anyone
Clean
It
Up.
Apr 10, 2021
Apr 10, 2021 at 2:41 PM UTC
Just breathe inhale
And then exhale
I tell myself that often
When I start feeling that bottle soften
When I feel like some emotion may leak
Pouring out flowing down my cheek
Leaving a long wet trail
So I'll start to feel like a fail
That nothing is worth living for
Nothing left in the world to adore
Sometimes those leaks are red
Maybe that is enough said
But I crave a blade on me
I like to just watch and see
How much does it take
For me to be numb, how much does it take
So until the day it takes too much
Bleeding out and such
I'll keep writing these
Until my life comes to a cease
-CC
Aug 22, 2017
Aug 22, 2017 at 10:56 PM UTC
Sit and think
Contemplate
The world as it is
What a difference
A year makes
Joy and love
Gives way to
Sadness and pain
Betrayal
The watchword of it all
Sit and think
What's the point?
Why is there this
Suffering
Torment and pain
Never-ending
Fades from time to time
But it waits
Watching like a jungle cat
Waiting
Just waiting
For a moment of weakness
For the prey to relax
Then it may strike
Contemplate the edge
As you thumb the blade
Wonder
What would it feel like
Is it true
That it's cowardly?
It's easier
To lay down and die
Than to keep fighting
Keep trying
And nothing changes
Forced to walk alone
For all the effort
To care so much
And nothing in return
The mind screams
That's the way it is
The heart weeps
Poor shattered thing
Wants to give
Can't make it happen
Shallow cut
On the pad of the thumb
Pulls the mind to reality
Softly swearing
The tool is cast aside
This time
As the wound
Is staunched
This time
The mind won
Survival
Over the pain
In the heart
We live to fight
Another day
May 4, 2015
May 4, 2015 at 6:42 PM UTC