#styles
I will take the imperfect you, my sweet
If you will take the imperfect me too
I can take the imperfect incomplete
If you can take all I can hand to you
Accepting all the imperfect in me
Accepting all the imperfect in you
Completing hearts, is it asking for we?
Completing two hearts, love could be our hue
Why did we choose this, how long will it last?
Chances are risky, accept the challenge
Creation before us, give it a chance
Know that we love each, we find our balance
Let's chance it together, may we not fall
But if we do fall, we gave it our all
Feb 16, 2025
Feb 16, 2025 at 1:59 AM UTC
It’s Harvard VS Yale this weekend, the vibes are just starting now. Everyone - and I mean everyone - has been asking about my game tickets, because guest tickets are $25 a pop. I’m more interested in the parties than the game, so I donated mine (Students get 1 free ticket and they can buy 2 for $15 each) to Lisa (one of my suitemates) for her family.
Lisa, Leong, Anna and I are getting ready to go down to the dining hall. Lisa asks the room, “Harry Styles’ new buzzcut - Yes, or No?”
“No,” Leong said, not looking up from her teen fashion magazine.
“Oh, no - God no,” I answered, “The worst decision of 2023.”
Anna blows a raspberry, “I think he’s trying to ditch his ‘pretty boy’ image and go hard rock.”
Lisa followed up, “And?..” “And NO, disaster NO, jump the shark NO,” Anna answered.
“I’m a NO also” Lisa admitted, and she’s a h-core Styles fan.
Later, Lisa was reclining on my bed, using every pillow I own to turn it into a chaise lounge that wouldn’t wrinkle her outfit. Her heels were on the floor and her bare feet were dangling in the air. Her toenails were a French tipped twinkly-pink.
She was slurping on a Coke-Zero - again - for a much-needed kick of caffeine before the night's events - which made me feel guilty, because she picked that up when I took her to Paris last summer. I’ve told her (a million times) how bad it is for her metabolism and endocrine system.
“How could you do this to me?” I asked, as if exasperated - which is currently our in-joke for everything.
“Now-now-now now-now,” she says, in self-defense, “what SHOULD I be drinking then?”
“H2-oh,” I say. “H20, as in water,” she sort of inquired, she then asked, “What’s the ‘2’ stand for?”
“Twenty,” I think, snarking back.
“Oh, you fancy, huh?” she laughed.
“I’m in college.” I shruggingly bragged.
I was shuffling through my closet, trying to pick out an outfit that would, at least, look ‘ok’ next to Lisa’s ‘in your face’ fun mix of pinks and purples sprinkled with neon greens.
Barbie herself could never.
I doubted I could keep with the theme.
My secret to dressing for these endless ‘theme’ parties, is to just tune out the noise and focus on your feels. If you give too much weight to how others will judge you, it’ll ruin the moment. I ended up wearing a vintage, deep blue, Betsey Johnson dress with matching tights and black ballet flats. Glittery, smokey-eye makeup and messy curls completed the 'très bien ensemble'.
I looked in the mirror, hoping for glam, and shrugged, “the scene’s going to be moody-lit anyway,” I said, as an excuse to the universe.
“You’re going to murder-der-der,” Lisa pronounced, as we gathered our bags to leave. “Murder-der-der?” I chuckled.
“Murder-der-der,” she confirmed, as if it were obvious.
h-core = hard core
Nov 14, 2023
Nov 14, 2023 at 8:09 AM UTC
Leong's watching TikTok on her laptop (as always) and she asks Lisa (a NYC girl) “Are you familiar with the the “downtown girl” aesthetic?”
Lisa’s dismissive, “Yeah, it just looks like Urban Outfitters grunge to me.”
Leong explains, “It includes headphones and it’s supposed to be a Lower Manhattan style.”
“Yeah,” Lisa snorts, “Because Greenwich Village and the Lower East Side are SO cohesive.”
Lisa considers herself an Uptown girl (like the song) even though 59th Street, where she lives, is the border between Uptown and Midtown Manhattan. I’m learning that these distinctions are culturally key to New Yorkers.
“And,” Lisa adds, “why would someone wear, and lug around, giant, clunky headphones when you can use AirPods??”
“Amen sister.” I proclaim and even Leong nods in agreement.
“Later, Sunny, Leong and I are on a study break, eating salads and talking about who we hope Yale invites to the next “Spring Fling” concert. We aren’t being realistic; we’re covering who we wish would come. I’d named Charlie Puth, “Kat-Tun!” Leong squealed (A Japanese boy band - apparently Chinese girls LOVE their boybands) and Sunny countered with Ed Sheeran.
“I don’t like Ed Sheeran,” I mumbled, making a yuck-face.
“Why no Ed?” Sunny gasps with shock (She’s a big Ed fangirl).
“I don’t know,” I shrugged, “he’s a star by all measurable metrics,” I admit, “but,” I fade out.
“You want my theory on Ed hate?” Sunny offered, “He’s beyond talented vocally - whoever your favorite artist is, Ed’s probably not that far behind. He’s a stellar song writer and he’s making hit after hit; do you want my theory?”
“Too basic, too popular?” I guess.
“No, he’s not appealing to the gaze,” Sunny states.
“The gays?” Leong questions, stepping back into the conversation.
“No,” Sunny corrects, “the gaze - G-A-Z-E, he doesn’t try to look pretty all the time.”
“Ha!” I snort, “Gaze, I thought you meant gays too,” as Leong and I chuckle together.
“No,” Sunny laughs, “nothing like THAT. Ed’s just not trying to be a heartthrob, he knows that’s not his core strong point - and that’s why he’s discounted.”
“Like lesbians don’t comb their hair or wear makeup and wear pajamas to class” Leong observes, “they don’t want to attract the male gaze?”
“No, we’re not imbued by the male gaze.” Sunny states, “Ed just wants to lowkey.”
Dec 14, 2022
Dec 14, 2022 at 10:51 AM UTC
I write by closing my eyes and scribbling on a napkin. Then I flip it upside down and whatever it initially looks like becomes the subject of my thoughts...
I dream in doodles
Now it all makes sense
Oct 20, 2022
Oct 20, 2022 at 12:50 PM UTC
Soft footsteps echo through a starlit night
Leaves rustle underfoot, where a lone rabbit watches
Is the dark freedom born or chances few?
A cricket considers the melancholy.
Or neither? Something new?
An engine rumbles on a road a distance away,
Brittle twigs crunch under four slow wheels.
Waving goodbye, or merry greetings,
or something else, in between?
There! The golden arm of beech leaves dance in a breeze
an appreciation of the moment,
as moments, come to be.
a collection of seconds and fragments
from so many eyes
strung together, as priceless as pearls
or an unknown prize.
will you see what the world offers in true solitude?
when it thinks you won't see what it can offer to you?
or will you pause, like the deer
to truly observe?
quiet nights, moonbeams, and lone beech trees.
all that the universe believes we deserve.
Nov 7, 2020
Nov 7, 2020 at 5:06 PM UTC
I did my best and you barely saw me
I did my worst and you disappeared
I noticed your best and worst
You noticed the random in betweens
With unspoken words being your specialty
That deceived me into staying
And I see where I overstayed but comfort drove me in again and again
Aug 23, 2020
Aug 23, 2020 at 11:52 AM UTC
The one go to outfit
Style of stylus
The closet full of combos
Style of stylus
The fashion show
Style of stylus
Mix and match
Stay true to you
There are no rules
The fashion police have been
Fired
Apr 10, 2020
Apr 10, 2020 at 11:40 AM UTC
A river trickles seamlessly in an
eternal stream
It flows
A flower reaches for the light
life of it's being
It grows
The wind chasing the dreams of
dreamless clouds
It blows
Your fire flied smile illuminate
my darkened soul
You glow
The past taking a step to the
future, out of site
It goes
This is a poem which leaves me with a bewildered understanding
It knows
Sep 5, 2019
Sep 5, 2019 at 1:16 PM UTC
knowing there is no way
i can meet you
being aware of
the distance between us
makes me think
about
how i have put you
in a shelf
where you might not
belong
dreaming about
your perfection
and wishing to meet
someone
like you
like you
there is no you
“you”
is not real
we both know
i made “you” up
Mar 13, 2019
Mar 13, 2019 at 5:09 PM UTC
I wish I can plant you like a crop
‘wish I can love you more like am not
Lookin’ for a way you could step on my toes’
So I could say you don’t need to.
My love for you is not here but from above
Dec 16, 2018
Dec 16, 2018 at 7:38 AM UTC
My policy
is typically
tied up
in a pony tail
easy
efficient
out of my eyes
But sometimes...
it gets monotonous
and tied
to my more
introverted me
academic me
I've tried braids
brings me back to elementary
school
Several people called me
cute
Certainly,
I embody a twelve year old
I tried a headband
not bad
yet,
the fluffy strands
continue
to get in the water fountain
when I'm drinking
Hair out?
The first one I tried
free
but messy
Everywhere
in my eyes
The me,
that will roll down a grassy hill
just cause
So, which one is it
or something...more?
Is it
just hair?
Is it
linked to my identity?
I dunno
But maybe I'll
find
out
...
What is it to you?
Oct 9, 2018
Oct 9, 2018 at 3:51 PM UTC
Luminosity is the partner of obscurity.
As I watch each sunset
its as though tears are sinking
beneath a heart beat of existence.
But then the evanescence gives ways to
wonders of the penetrate
a void less canvass painting
eternity with random brushes.
Each has its beauty to bestow on the sights
of particles drifting coalescing
momentarily to envision the
changing styles of eternity.
May 18, 2018
May 18, 2018 at 9:09 AM UTC
<>
Major Haiku (7-9-7)
The dance of lovers in heat
mysterious communication
Pandora's box of feelings
<>
Standard Haiku (5-7-5)
Green leaves on the tree
pretty in the summer sun
light accenting hues
<>
Minor Haiku (3-5-3)
Time is here
fleeting passing gone
temporal
<>
Mini Haiku (1-3-1)
Bird
on the wing
fly
<>
© Pagan Paul (2016/2017)
Aug 5, 2017
Aug 5, 2017 at 1:38 PM UTC
We’re hiding in the dark.
Trying hard to survive this.
Waiting to see the light.
I can feel us breaking.
He’s close to the edge.
I’m constantly worrying about him.
Wondering what will break him.
Will it be the fans?
Will it be the paparazzi?
Will it be the lying?
Will it be the hiding?
I despise having to hide.
I want to be free.
I want to love him.
But they say I can’t.
They say that it’s wrong.
They say it’ll ruin everything.
They make us hide instead.
Lying to our loved ones.
Lying to our loyal fans.
We give them hints daily.
The tattoo’s should be enough.
The compass guiding the ship.
The arrow through the heart.
The rope holding my anchor.
The “Oops” to my “Hi”
The bird to my cage.
But apparently it’s not enough.
They still don’t see us.
Our shared stares on stage.
The wanted and needed touches.
The playful banter that disappeared.
Ones who believe gets blamed.
The tweets should be enough.
“I miss you too sweetcheeks”
“I’ll meet you poolside pumpkin”
“And don’t forget my armbands”
“Always in my heart @Harry_Styles.”
“Yours sincerely Louis.” Not enough.
I wonder what it’ll take.
Trying hard to be ourselves.
It’s hard when we’re watched.
It’s hard following their orders.
Our dreams have faded.
The flashes have dulled them.
They’re still there but barely.’
He looks up at me.
Eyes are kept wide open.
“Please don’t let me go .”
“I’m tired of feeling alone.”
“I’m tired of sleeping alone.”
My arms are wide open.
I’ll hold him close tonight
We make promises for forever.
We remember the easy times.
When we loved not hid.
We laugh at old movies.
We slept closer than ever.
He sleeps while I think.
I’ll make us okay again.
The day will come soon.
Where we can love openly.
When we won’t hide away.
When they’ll finally realize.
We’ll always love each other.
No matter what they do.
But until that day comes.
I’ll bring him the stars.
I’ll watch him from afar.
Trying to make them understand.
Because I know we’re fireproof.
And I know we can survive.
Because he makes me strong.
And he’s all I need.
May 8, 2015
May 8, 2015 at 1:16 PM UTC
Never forget that you have many wonderful and golden days ahead, something great to look forward to.
Never lose hope for a brighter tomorrow.
Raise your sails high, and continue to journey toward your dreams.
You'll receive everything you've hoped for if you stay on course.
And should trouble come your way,
Just relax and let the tempest rage around you;
The hope you harbor safely within will keep the storms at bay.
Just continue to dream as you navigate your ship like a master mariner. Let your heart be the chart, and you'll reach the paradise that you've always yearned for.
Jan 8, 2015
Jan 8, 2015 at 6:11 AM UTC
You're there right in front of me
Beautiful
That is what you are just so beautiful
I see my world
My sunshine
My love on that stage
But when you look at me
You see another girl
Another screaming crying fan
Just another one of those
But you to me is so much more
I see my savior
Nov 5, 2014
Nov 5, 2014 at 9:52 AM UTC
Beautiful brown, curly hair.
Beautiful large, green eyes.
A Beautiful dimple,placed on his right cheek,
There will never be any goodbyes.
In this world,
people will hate.
Hate on those who are kind.
I dont know why,
but they tell him to die,
though his hard work shows he should do otherwise.
His heart is kind,
so leave him be,
for he makes me smile.
I will never leave this fantastic boy behind,
because he makes me happy,
for i will keep him awhile.
A beautiful heart,
for a beautiful boy,
that belongs with his beautiful mind.
a hateful world,
which he doesnt mind,
in which he brang himself to me,
Now i call him mine.
May 3, 2014
May 3, 2014 at 11:27 PM UTC