#streamofconciousness
Casually, let us strange things meander,
Back and forth slyly with frivolous banter,
Chatter to flatter with patter that matters.
And soon to rest,
Abreast,
On the rocks that line the shores of these early morning hours,
Akin to the way in which kind children gather curious flowers,
Parallel but not intentioned,
A mystery uncontended,
Just happy to experience the thrill of casually lying down.
These words that reckon themselves to be,
Without form, fruitless casualties,
To the art of the conversation,
A thought lost to the untranslated,
Conversion of ideas to memories.
Apr 12
Apr 12, 2026 at 3:01 AM UTC
summer? i love summer.
summer for me, is not the scorching heat,
it's the light that makes things shine.
it's the time when my inner gloominess is overshadowed by summer's joy,
and the time when the stoic leaves start to giggle because of summer's charm.
not even the dark nights of summer will leave you feeling lonely,
because its loo envelops you in its warmth.
but writing this when just yesterday I was about to faint from the heat of summer, feels symbolic.
like the light of summer hypnotizes you into believing everything's going to be alright,
but hold that thought too long, and you risk losing sight.
and maybe that's why summer ends, to make way for winter.
which leads me to the conclusion that I love summer, because winter exists.
that is nature's way, it's beauty is in its harmony.
and that is why I love winters, as much as I love summers.
Jun 9, 2025
Jun 9, 2025 at 10:00 AM UTC
i feel it hit me again
as if ive swallowed mercury
as if there are bees dying in my lungs
as if suddenly nothing has ever been right with this god awful world and i cant ******* stand to sit in the same room any more.
im so sick of this im so sick of this im so sick of this
ill destroy my hearing for the next few hours
or however long it takes for the music to overtake the intensity of emotion im feeling.
i cant describe it
i dont want to see or hear or think
i need a filter in my brain to catch all the ******* thats cluttering up my mind
i cant think straight
for now at least the music can brush up all the crap
i need to rest
i need it to be quiet
seemingly i can only find silence in noise loud enough to drown out everything else.
i cant even hear the music
its just... quiet
Nov 25, 2020
Nov 25, 2020 at 5:39 PM UTC
i'm telling myself,
"he doesn't want to talk."
i'm telling myself,
"he's feeling put off."
i'm telling myself,
"you're being suffocating."
i'm telling myself,
"he regrets we started dating."
i'm telling myself,
"he wants you to take blame."
i'm telling myself,
"don't start with this game..."
of self-sabotage
that you use to isolate
because it's easier
and because you're afraid.
of "what will happen?"
if none of this works out
and you don't feel capable
or like you'll stick around.
when things get tough
and you have to speak up
explaining all the ways
your body turns itself off.
it's learned to survive
through things that have hurt it
and it's gone neglected
because its owner's felt undeserving.
you asked if i felt this is moving too fast and now it's made me nervous that you think it has.
Nov 3, 2019
Nov 3, 2019 at 9:45 PM UTC
Step 1:
Realize that winning at life does not mean that you beat others, but rather that you beat life itself. Realize that the only thing holding you back is life's grip on you that convinces you that you can't beat it. Break free of it. You're not seized by death, but by life.
Step 2:
Take care of yourself. Self-care is the most important, specifically the hard stuff. Clean your house, one room at a time. Shower, brush your hair and teeth, go for a walk outside, exercise, cook proper meals. You're not helping yourself at all by doing things you already do and enjoy. If you don't change yourself then the world won't change around you. Better yourself and everything else will follow closely in your wake.
Step 3:
Accept that happiness is a reward and not a gift. Accept that happiness is fleeting and you will have to continue to work for it if you want to keep getting it.
Step 4:
Listen to music you enjoy. Listen to music that matches your mood. Listen to music that inspires you. Trust me, it's important and you'll even enjoy it.
Step 5:
Be mature, but never grow up. Remember how to be a kid, but keep in mind that you have to be an adult sometimes. If you can decipher when each are appropriate then life will be significantly easier.
Step 6:
Get over it. It's harsh, but it's true. If you keep dwelling on things that happened in the past and are irreversible then how will you find the time to make sure the future turns out better?
Step 7:
Remember that you have plenty of time left, but that you have much control over how plenty. Remember you were born with enough time to do everything you want, but if you waste it then you'll lose it and can never get it back. Remember that if you enjoyed wasting the time then the time wasn't wasted and that you will die eventually.
Step 8:
Acknowledge that forgiveness is not a requirement. You do not have to forgive anyone who has hurt you, but people say it's nice.
Step 9:
Remind yourself that your health is more important than others' comfort. If someone feels better at your expense then they need to stop. Take care of yourself first, other people have their own coping mechanisms and they will get over it. You are your priority, no matter what.
Step 10:
Never forget that all problems have solutions. If you feel stuck, think. You'll eventually realize you know how to solve all of your problems. Never forget that solutions might not solve every problem at once, and you need to pick what's most important and what can be saved for later.
Step 11:
Accept that the future might be worse. Especially if you're in an environment you don't have full control over, things out of your hands could change for the worse. Accept that you can change most things however, and you can decide when things get better.
Step 12:
Know that there will come a time when you'll be forgotten forever and that will be so freeing. After you die, someone will think about you for the very last time and you'll be truly free. Nothing you do in life will last forever and soon everyone will have forgotten you ever existed, and it will be good.
Step 13:
Don't be superstitious. You'll worry more than you already do.
Step 14:
Realize that you won't ever get a positive answer unless you ask. No one will tell you yes unless you express that that's what you want to hear.
Step 15:
Listen to your doctors. Take your medications. Do your exercises. They studies for many years to tell you how to not die, listen to them. I promise they know more about how to help you than a random article online with no sources of sustenance.
Step 16:
Trust your gut. If you even stop to seriously consider something, it's probably at least a little bit true. If something is wrong, you will know it. You also know when that opinion is yours, or the one you've been tricked into believing is yours.
Step 17:
Think about the past. In moderation. Realize that the past is only as good as you remember it, and if you think it's better than the present then you will grow to despise the present. Realize that even if the past was better, you cannot go back and it passed for a reason.
Step 18:
Don't get back together with an ex. You broke up for a reason. Unless everything was a misunderstanding, in which case maybe. Even if you look back on your break up and think the reasons were foolish, remember that they hurt someone enough for you to break up. That will permanently damage your relationship, even if you try your hardest to fix everything.
Step 19:
Realize that you don't need to take advise from a random sixteen year old over the internet. Realize you can and should disregard any previous steps if you disagree.
Step 20:
Die knowing you lived.
Sep 17, 2018
Sep 17, 2018 at 7:38 PM UTC
I thought I would never see you again
I convinced myself I didn't want to
I knew it was a lie
Every time I breathed those thoughts
And then I saw you again
I knew you would remember me
Of course you would
After all the time we spent together
You knew who I was
But had very little memory of what happened
Especially after the first month
I tried to put the pain away
But it burned in my lungs to talk to you
It felt like knives along my skin to touch you
I couldn't breathe
But I pushed through
I thought I'd be mad at you
After what you did
And how you hurt me
I was so sure I'd hate you
But it was as if nothing had happened
As if no time had passed since it was good
I'd consider you my best friend
Sometimes it still hurts
I try to ignore it
Because being your friend
Is worth the pain
At least that's what I tell myself
Sometimes I think I might have fallen for you
Most times I think that's a terrible thing
But I really like you
And you don't like me
And it *****
But I know you can't change your feelings
I think I should try to forget you
I try to not text you ever again
I always fail in under a day
Missing you is so easy
Forgetting you is so hard
I know I should distance myself
I know I need space
I know you need space
I'm aware of what I've done
I've tried
I'm sorry
I'm not strong enough
Sep 12, 2018
Sep 12, 2018 at 12:54 AM UTC
Step 1:
Realize that winning at life does not mean that you beat others, but rather that you beat life itself. Realize that the only thing holding you back is life's grip on you that convinces you that you can't beat it. Break free of it. You're not seized by death, but by life.
Step 2:
Take care of yourself. Self-care is the most important, specifically the hard stuff. Clean your house, one room at a time. Shower, brush your hair and teeth, go for a walk outside, exercise, cook proper meals. You're not helping yourself at all by doing things you already do and enjoy. If you don't change yourself then the world won't change around you. Better yourself and everything else will follow closely in your wake.
Step 3:
Accept that happiness is a reward and not a gift. Accept that happiness is fleeting and you will have to continue to work for it if you want to keep getting it.
Step 4:
Listen to music you enjoy. Listen to music that matches your mood. Listen to music that inspires you. Trust me, it's important and you'll even enjoy it.
Step 5:
Be mature, but never grow up. Remember how to be a kid, but keep in mind that you have to be an adult sometimes. If you can decipher when each are appropriate then life will be significantly easier.
Step 6:
Get over it. It's harsh, but it's true. If you keep dwelling on things that happened in the past and are irreversible then how will you find the time to make sure the future turns out better?
Step 7:
Remember that you have plenty of time left, but that you have much control over how plenty. Remember you were born with enough time to do everything you want, but if you waste it then you'll lose it and can never get it back. Remember that if you enjoyed wasting the time then the time wasn't wasted and that you will die eventually.
Step 8:
Acknowledge that forgiveness is not a requirement. You do not have to forgive anyone who has hurt you, but people say it's nice.
Step 9:
Remind yourself that your health is more important than others' comfort. If someone feels better at your expense then they need to stop. Take care of yourself first, other people have their own coping mechanisms and they will get over it. You are your priority, no matter what.
Step 10:
Never forget that all problems have solutions. If you feel stuck, think. You'll eventually realize you know how to solve all of your problems. Never forget that solutions might not solve every problem at once, and you need to pick what's most important and what can be saved for later.
Step 11:
Accept that the future might be worse. Especially if you're in an environment you don't have full control over, things out of your hands could change for the worse. Accept that you can change most things however, and you can decide when things get better.
Step 12:
Know that there will come a time when you'll be forgotten forever and that will be so freeing. After you die, someone will think about you for the very last time and you'll be truly free. Nothing you do in life will last forever and soon everyone will have forgotten you ever existed, and it will be good.
Step 13:
Don't be superstitious. You'll worry more than you already do.
Step 14:
Realize that you won't ever get a positive answer unless you ask. No one will tell you yes unless you express that that's what you want to hear.
Step 15:
Listen to your doctors. Take your medications. Do your exercises. They studies for many years to tell you how to not die, listen to them. I promise they know more about how to help you than a random article online with no sources of sustenance.
Step 16:
Trust your gut. If you even stop to seriously consider something, it's probably at least a little bit true. If something is wrong, you will know it. You also know when that opinion is yours, or the one you've been tricked into believing is yours.
Step 17:
Think about the past. In moderation. Realize that the past is only as good as you remember it, and if you think it's better than the present then you will grow to despise the present. Realize that even if the past was better, you cannot go back and it passed for a reason.
Step 18:
Don't get back together with an ex. You broke up for a reason. Unless everything was a misunderstanding, in which case maybe. Even if you look back on your break up and think the reasons were foolish, remember that they hurt someone enough for you to break up. That will permanently damage your relationship, even if you try your hardest to fix everything.
Step 19:
Realize that you don't need to take advise from a random sixteen year old over the internet. Realize you can and should disregard any previous steps if you disagree.
Step 20:
Die knowing you lived.
Sep 12, 2018
Sep 12, 2018 at 12:32 AM UTC
Single file line
Stand up straight
Sit cross legged
Don’t talk
Single file line
Stand up straight
Sit cross legged
Don’t talk
Take a buddy
Stand up straight
Sit cross legged
Don’t talk
Take a buddy
Stand up straight
Sit at your desk
Don’t talk
Take a buddy
Don’t leave your seat
Sit at your desk
No talking
Hurry back
Don’t leave your seat
Sit at your desk
No talking
If everything
Was to prepare me
For real life
Or the next grade
Why do you
Keep changing
The instructions
And why did no one
Ever teach me
How to talk
Sep 9, 2018
Sep 9, 2018 at 3:15 PM UTC
Mum doesn’t like my shoes
she says they look *****
she’s right
my shoes are very *****
Mum doesn’t like my shoes
she says the writing on them is dramatic
she’s right
the writing on my shoes is very dramatic
Mum doesn’t like my shoes
she says the holes are annoying
she’s right
the holes in my shoes are very annoying
I like my shoes
they’re ***** with the Earth I celebrate living on
they’re covered in writings from songs that define me
I could probably do without the holes
Sep 9, 2018
Sep 9, 2018 at 3:00 PM UTC
I like to be in my room with the lights off
I like the way darkness feels as it wraps it’s cold hand around me
I like how quiet the lack of light can appear to be
And how loud it is when you learn to listen
I like when there are no street lights on outside my window
When I’m not the only one covered in the blackness of the night
It is so hard to feel alone when everyone is the same
Stuck in the timeless embrace of shadows
But
Again and again the sun will rise
And it will cover the earth as if it had never left
Leaving the opposite to feel what i had felt
Warming my face with the daily schedule
When the sun is up I have to do everything
When the sun is down I get to do anything
The biggest difference imaginable by just two words
Could be the reason anyone ever truly lives
Sep 9, 2018
Sep 9, 2018 at 2:57 PM UTC
There once was a hamster who was not there,
He was not really anywhere.
He scurried and burrowed and chattered and crawled,
I swear I could hear him inside of my walls.
He crept all around and even whispered to me,
"I know your dark secrets, but they're safe as can be".
The hamster was growing, bigger, unkind,
Using as food, the thoughts in my mind.
I started to hate his vicious demeanour,
As he grew fatter, my soul grew leaner.
I devised a great plan to end his existence,
A quite dark plan, that needed persistence.
I cleaned my handgun and put one in the chamber,
Raising it to my head, my breathing was laboured.
A tear stained note, was pinned to my chest,
Just one final thing before I could rest.
With one last, great push, I pulled the stiff trigger,
Safe in the knowledge he would grow no bigger.
Jun 11, 2018
Jun 11, 2018 at 3:09 PM UTC
sometimes I feel like my brain is melting and likely to ooze out my ears at any second but sometimes I feel like my brain is swelling and the pressure is too much for my fragile skull and my head will explode and it will be hell to clean up.
sometimes I feel like my skin is too tight and one wrong move will cause it to split open and reveal bones and blood and gore but sometimes I feel like my skin isn't really /my skin/ like I'm slapping €10 moisturizer on some strange mask that looks like skin and feels almost like skin but just doesn't feel quite right on my body.
sometimes I feel like drinking ***** like its water or swallowing xanax like they're tic tacs and washing everything down with cookies and maybe a bottle of €4 wine but sometimes I feel like drinking peppermint tea and eating sweet red apples and the only constant is that I never feel like nourishing myself properly whether because I don't deserve it or because I'm too exhausted all the time I'm not sure.
sometimes I feel like I haven't earned the love and trust and intimacy I crave and that's why I don't ******* have it and sometimes I feel like **** for thinking that because I know realistically I have family and friends and blah blah blah but the idea of speaking completely openly to anyone terrifies me to the point of xanax ***** rinse repeat and I think maybe that's what I want
that being someone who definitely will not leave or want to or be disappointed no matter what I do and maybe that's another reason why I can't talk to the people I have because I can't bear the guilt
my shoulders are so knotted and tired they can't carry the disappointed faces too.
sometimes I feel like the biggest hypocrite alive because I tell myself one thing and my brain fights me on it and I can never tell who's winning only that there's a mess now because I didn't listen to the facts and sometimes I feel like this mess is exactly what I need because I don't know who I am without it.
sometimes I feel so much my toes buzz and my eyes black over and I can't breathe or stop sobbing but sometimes I feel nothing at all and I think I know which one I prefer and I think I know it's the wrong one.
what is it like to feel steady.
Jan 21, 2017
Jan 21, 2017 at 4:54 PM UTC
Isn't there a better way?
O'er this snakeskin shedding,
Than this slow emotional death
Looking for cartharsis
Never to be?
Please, make me, me.
Release me from the birdcage,
And tell me where to dream.
Ah, I look for a tool of my own,
Somewhere buried in the dirt,
Because I am a plow without purpose,
A sword in peacetime.
Sheathed, but mostly lost.
Meaningless, but not wandering,
and so there is no journey,
no art.
Stagnation. Ah.
And a slow morose breath.
Just one long, inhale
For no greater cosmic purpose,
Than the exhale, fleeting.
What a beauty, she said in my agonizing reverie.
Smiling, turning, leaning,
Oyasumi, Good morning.
And the sun's lights ne'er did beam.
The morning stayed dark.
I died, there
heart still beating.
Jul 22, 2016
Jul 22, 2016 at 3:52 AM UTC
Cursed by technology
Born to be a prodigy
Roamed the earth to become well versed in ecology.
Broke the dirt with the farm hand’s anthology
Made a stony hearth from the girth of this broken land’s economy.
Pitched my yurt where the man can’t bother me.
On top of luscious greens,
In the field of dreams,
No more do I pull the weeds of society.
All my proceeds grow seeds
I don’t need deeds just look at these feats
Grab an ear of corn if you haven’t heard of me.
Burn what you don’t need,
An idea of greed, the illusion of necessity.
Brought to you by bold thieves
Who trade lives but don’t sleep
Hold banquets but don’t eat
Grow food but don’t feed.
Ripped from your roots.
Dropped on the streets
in the sweltering heat.
Drying like souls of the ******
every last one of us lost lambs.
What they want for me, it’s not a part of me
I won’t take place in the injustice that’s been bought for me.
But what I brought for me is a hypothesis,
Tranquility so deep a Buddhist monk couldn’t offer me
More than what my coffers could proffer me.
I’m not crazy but I have started the uncoupling
That’s got me to this mental brink,
Out of this poisonous sink,
No longer do I drink- from this sea of doubt
Where the irradiated mind has its teeth pulled out.
I put my knowledge of “earthology” into this horse and plow
I raise sow in the north for truffles of course
Sell them for hundreds of dollars an ounce to chefs in New York
I make herbal oils richer than kings from thorny things and rosy beings
Contemplating the meaning of life while looking at my fig-leaves
And I will pick the fruit and share it with you
Confuse me not with a more treacherous youth
Whom only seeks to toxify you with some new indoctrinated truth
Give you some of their lead paint proof, glyphosate too.
Their cell phone hooks filling your time with
Facebook looks,
And a MySpace laze
With honeycomb glaze
There in your man-made maze
Where you don’t speak for days.
I have seen the ways good people choose bad things to happen due the deceit
Of the industry they’re tapping’
Where is the Chaplain?
He’s got this book , and his grubby hands are in the pocket of the fat man
Who takes the holy waters and turns them to black sand.
Tossing grains in the air it’s unclear “whether” we can breathe it in
With no name and no face one rigged rat race,
We look for those Rebels M.I.A.
Mar 18, 2016
Mar 18, 2016 at 11:44 PM UTC
Hello beautiful
Do you feel it?
The dreams you had
Coming true
You are beautiful
Are you beautiful?
At least I think you are
It is my truth
That what you feel
Is what is real
Do you feel beautiful?
Do you feel love?
Just a throwaway poem
For someone that I'll never know
Someone who is beautiful
Its my way to say hello
So hello beautiful
There are fires in hell
And storms on the seas
And darkness in between the points of light
There is loss in life
And pain in love
And hope in the bitterness of sorrow
And then there is you
Hello beautiful
Nov 10, 2015
Nov 10, 2015 at 8:27 PM UTC
The gardeners are too noisy in the morning
I can't stay asleep
I hear the chainsaw's screams
I feel the rose's pain
My head throbs from not sleeping
Long nights buried in books
Cold nights wrapped in blankets
The cats fight and the babies cry while
I let the shower run hot
Chest burning
Suffocating breaths in thick steam
I went to bed early
My hair still wet
I closed my heavy eyes
Searched my pill box
nothing
Sep 6, 2015
Sep 6, 2015 at 2:17 AM UTC
Cell phone shield in hand,
the mirror-me peers
into a shoddy, cracked up
dream reflector-slash-protector
as I make amends with
my agitated mitochondria and
attempt to drill miniscule holes into
paper dolls without ripping them.
So screams the wall hanging!
Banshees dance, falling
into cyclical romances as
cream colored microphones peek
out around one-way windows wondering
whether or not the smiles will hold.
Eyes still,
eyes wrinkles crinkling,
spit spray sprinkling.
Connect to the dreamers.
Push your plug into
my cracking wall sockets,
pull me apart at the seams.
So cries the doorstopper!
Knees bleed from
street corner séances
and eyes green grass
that's afraid to ask
where its clover went
but heavens, it's bent for hell.
Pray tell me, burping chickadee,
when did your teeth glass over
with a film of cerulean and
your bones start sailing
through tepid reminders that
you may end this life a failure,
swallowing Uncle Ben's rice packet trash
at the dark black bottom of the Pacific?
So sighs the statue!
Broken walkie talkies
feed red back to nothing
and knick knack hoarders note
the familiar festering of deadly bacteria
in the lungs and on the
tippy top of the tongue.
Space cadets rocket
through concrete jungles containing
apartment after
apartment after
apartment filled with
mannequins filled with
sand filled with
unevenly severed hands.
So speaks the ornament!
So declares the dashboard decal!
Sensual scholarly seekers
seem so totally hip
and read feminist poetry
to dispel the myths
and spit on the irony.
I won't dare to flatter you
with the focused attention of stone
or allow the personable picture frame
to make the secrets of
the microscopic universe known.
So suggests the ship siren!
So recites the repository!
Empty yourself into me,
adopt a new philosophy,
abandon in within two weeks
so I can see and you can seep,
your fluttering robin heart to keep
and glaciers to arrive upon
a salty brown eternal sleep.
Deliver me to the melting shopping mall!
The centennial fire alarm goes off
at the tip of the cliff,
at the end of the hall.
Aug 24, 2014
Aug 24, 2014 at 3:28 PM UTC