#stomped
elephants stomping on my head
laugh as they draw blood
fragmented ideals scatter in the wind
as trampled dreams mix with dust
cemented in 'supposed to'
hiding behind other people's 'shoulds'
jackhammer disappointment
crushes bones with broken boundaries
play me a song
to make it look pretty
and I'll pretend to dance
with you in foggy yesterday's
karaoke soundtracks
to a stranger's tears
that leave the heart blind
tripping acid just to see in forgotten colors
breathing bacteria
from the soles of shoes
wiped on my forehead
as they said, 'hello'
a mosaic of skull puzzles
grouted in the remnants of the ****
left behind as everyone
just walks away
shadows smell clean in dark corners
where colors are left to die
in clouds of expectation
leaving truth buried in the ruble
...of who they thought I was
Feb 23, 2018
Feb 23, 2018 at 6:30 PM UTC
hello bellvadear
are you still bald
we seen
an
picture
of
you
this letter may seem to read
rather weird
you see
we think
you gots
man
am
i
hands
listen to my head
you are in here
with
us
we have stripped you naked
just look
at
yourself
now
i
am
naked to
don't try to touch me
you don't know me
like this
i
am
not
an
child
but
i
am
tell your husband you layrd with me naked
tell him you thought about me while putting on your *******
yes
you
tell him
all these things
see our pressure relief valve
might need to be checked
as well as your
reference
to
people guide
we seen you hiding in corners
we felt your hate behind screens
all the names you have taken
the names we have taken
draw me closer to me
what are you
being drawn
into
our user names never tried to catch any one
tell me beyond your version of learning to read
what are branded glaciers in your mind
if all in love was obvious would you still be in it
see we know your after our thoughts
is your husband an writer to
does he wash his own vehicle
has he ever got you stranded in the snow
have you eaten by candle light
does he zip your dress just right
does he write you love letters
tell me all
of
these things
tell me nothing at all
doesn't matter if your screaming
ive been past
the
point
of
catching an fall
just pretend your image wont smear
please write me an letter
titled
letter for
bellvadear
?
...
..
.
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 8:59 AM UTC
He asked the professional, the mature, & the kind-hearted for consult
All of them told him "it's not your fault"
But he could not get that through his head
He thought that something was wrong with him, so many articles he read
Sadly, he was psychologically affected by the psychologically conflicted
Although their effort to demean him went in vain
Although their goal was to make him go insane
It wasn't accomplished because he ran away from his problems
They thought this game was funny
That the prejudice would not consume him in endless depth
Everyone thought his last words before he left were "help"
But all he screamed to the sky was "I want to understand, why me?
He never got his answer from the bullies
& he left behind a lot of things when he ran away
Could you blame them? For no matter how hard he tried, he was criticized
Was the decision he made correct?
Why him?
For he was one of the kind-hearted
Mercy was all he deserved & mercy only did he see when he was broken
He lost all faith in God for he was broken
& this developed a new kind of prejudice in his long list
Judge not what you have not lived
I am tired of all the injustice, the prejudice
But I will not be like you
I will do something...
Dec 4, 2016
Dec 4, 2016 at 4:17 PM UTC
I get the crust and the gristle of a thistle once a missile shooting out into the sky and I cry, wonder why. Never sure what I feel for the meal of a deal and then words more like air slip the breeze in my hair, butterflies in the skies killing what kept my alive. Oh too bad, well how sad, if the songs last lines din't matter it'd harm, it'd make the soul so very mad. Here I fall, there I stand like a robot dancing to the tunes. It's demand. Hear I laugh, hear I cry. I hear the screams and feel the burn, so why? Why unsure, of what's telling me my life is so impure. Threatened heart, from the strings that wrap it, tearing it apart. Feel the clench of a bundle of what you yourself have drench and so benched. And you threw to me the horror show, I never so have thought would reckon me to be. I, to be, it's master and it's longing family, here I cry. Hear "I" cry. For I exist in heart, but never, not in mind. There I stand once again as a memory of all that I pretend. If I tried, to be real, the pieces fall apart inside. So I hide, then I quiver and I shake as 'me' is inside. I can touch to the shelter covered in the unbelieving, underachieving to be who I know I am to be. Or at least what you see. I crush the old me and start anew, though I grew. I, immortal to myself have stomped the true. And I become something greater than simple little shrew. Do not lie! For I see with one eye, the look through me. What you see is a host, not the ghost, that lives on. "Awh, look at me. I'm so strong!" Laugh along. Child there. Where? Oops, forgot to care. Now I stare, towards the end that's never ending like this script. Never ending. Twist and bending. Don't kid me, I'm no kid. I'm the body of a youth, but I am dead. I've destroyed myself, if others didn't do a perfect job. Hold up stop! I'm letting go, a bubble that will pop. It will burst, destroying me, if it doesn't **** me first. Here I stand. Hear I cry. There I go. I have died.
May 6, 2014
May 6, 2014 at 1:09 PM UTC