#spencer
Your time has come
we wonder why
and just like that
it's a goodbye.
It was such a pleasure
to have virtually met you
and I am sure
you, too, enjoyed the tour.
Now memories is all we have
of laughter and pleasure you gave.
Be blessed in heaven,
dear Spencer,
you gave us a treasure,
for ever.
Nov 8, 2017
Nov 8, 2017 at 8:44 AM UTC
I had a dream we were stuck in the desert
A beautiful oasis forming at the basis of our feet
When a group of soldiers came right out of the mirage
Shot you down
And left me to die
Right by your side
Then I realized that I would join you there soon
Either under the eyes of the Saharan Sun
Or by the gift given from the trigger of my gun
I had to make a choice, one I could no longer live with
I'm tired of staring down
This barrel
Waiting for
The bullet to make its move
You came to me like an astronaut
Unafraid while others ran away
From my ship hidden among
All the forgotten and unwanted
You talked to me like you understood me
Like you knew me or saw right through me
You made me feel like I could be apart of
What I always wanted
You made me feel like a human being
It felt so real when I had to close your eyes
Couldn't keep pretending that you were still alive
With shaky hands, I pointed the barrel at my mind
And just sat there
Thinking twice
All about taking my life
Just sat there
Unable to move
Pulled real hard
Only to
Wake up in my own bed
It still felt like you were dead
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/saharan-sun
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 9:55 PM UTC
What is the color blue?
Is it a human emotion?
Or is it just another
Meaningless color?
My entire life
Could be reduced
To an empty color
That never met much to you
And what is a word?
Is it a creature?
Or is it an icon
Left to interpretation?
Oblingattoh-tay
What the hell did I just say?
When you said you loved me
What the hell did that even mean?
Everyone
Is singing the same song
And I can't sing along anymore
I can't join in
This perfect unison
Of broken voices
In monotone
Yeah, I need more
Than your empty, practiced words
That we all have heard
Before and Again
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/blue
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 9:49 PM UTC
Stuck on the side of the road
Confused with no where to go
People can see me,
Yet they keep on walking
Away, with nothing to say
Fear and anger holding me down
Just trying to reach out
Try and say hello
But I don't really know
How to make a sound
In a world full of opinions
I'm lost between what's fact and fiction
The universe is screaming
Yet no one is changing
As the world remains idle
Brain filled with haunting words
As my heart desire burns
Bottling down this riot
Just to keep quiet
For you what can I do?
Don't tell me how to be a man
Cuz I wont ever understand
How living in this binary
That tries to define me
Can be good for me
In a world full of opinions
I'm lost between what’s fact and fiction
The universe is screaming
Yet we keep on fighting
Arguments that don't go anywhere
All of your words and
All of your opinions
Cast it down a deep well
That no one dare drinks from
No one wants to listen
To what you have to sell
All of your words and
All of your hatred
Can only harden your heart
If one tried to love you, you
Wouldn't know what to do
How can you open your heart?
If you don't know where to start?
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/the-universe-is-screaming
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 9:45 PM UTC
I don't want to listen to your ******** today
'Cos you never really have anything good to say
Empathy is dying away
Free to judge and to abdicate
You’re just hiding behind cruel words
That wont ever get you anywhere
Every one is walking around at night
Trying to find their own piece of sunlight
Shady figures roaming the alley way
Just trying to survive the day
Always under constant judgment
By people who don't know them
All the agreements you've made
To everything that they've said
Have seem to found a way
Deep inside
To brake the pride you once held on to
Don't include me in your bitter battle
Of Politic, gender, religion and orientation
‘Cos I’m getting a headache
Just trying to fix my mistakes
It really is a shame
When humans act inhumane
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/bitter-battles
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 9:40 PM UTC
Woke up to a nightmare
Where gravity disappeared
Scrambling around mid-air
Just to find no one's there
Bright florescent light
Hiding away midnight
It's just not the same
It doesn't feel right
All this pretending
Is bringing me nothing
All this anger
Is making me more empty
Scrambling around in mid-air
Just to find no one's there
Spending everyday
Breaking under pressure
Over digging countless holes
For some kind of treasure
Just to have someone
Fill them back up
Send me out again
And tell me I'm worthless
All this pretending
Is bringing me nothing
All this anger
Is making me more empty
Scrambling around mid-air
Just to find no one's there
And I don’t know where I’ll go
If this light bulb should break
Falling down into a deep darkness
That I’ve tried so hard to escape
The same darkness I have made
There are plenty of fish in the sea
But none like you
As the bottom feeders sank so low
We swam way up high
But we fell into a whirlpool
And I didn't take it right
Don't want any drugs
Don't want any alcohol
Just want you to know
I'm still here after all
Scrambling around mid-air
Just to find no one's there
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/mid-air
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 9:37 PM UTC
Sitting here skipping church
Trying to write you a song
It’s taking all day long
But I like you
Sat here once before
Playing the guitar
Along with me
Made the song complete
But I had this feeling that you would never need me
I let the pain sink so low
To the point where I’d push you away just to save your day
You don’t need to know
That now I will learn how
To play by myself in this town
I’ll play ‘til my fingers bleed
I miss your melody
This insecurity is getting the best of me
But if you choose that you miss me too
You could always join me in the youth room
You could play the keys
Or you could play the strings
Or you could even sing along with me
‘Cos when you sing the stars burn bright
As they all fall into line
You are adding beauty to life
One lullaby at a time
And when you speak
Wisdom leaks
From your lips, leaves me hanging
On every word that you say
Gets louder the further you are away
But you keep saying how we barely even know each other
Well, this ain’t a love song, it’s a proposal
That we get to know each other
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/church
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 9:30 PM UTC
Everyday feels just the same
When no one can see you anymore
Words slowly lose their meaning
When nobody listens anymore
What you’ve got ain't what you need
When nobody needs you anymore
All your opinions become pointless
When nobody cares anymore
And so you hide and deny
All of the pain you hold inside
Love is just a game that slowly died away
That nobody’s playing anymore
All of your feelings become empty
When nobody feels you anymore
All your longings make you feel guilty
When no one wants to know anymore
And so you hide and deny
All of the pain you hold inside
Love is just a game that slowly died away
That nobody’s playing anymore
Everyone says
What they think is best
But you don't wanna listen anymore
You made your move, bet you wont think twice
When no one can see you anymore
Time turns away, and days slowly fade
When no one can save you anymore
She was waiting for the perfect moment
But she won’t know you anymore
All the love that she had to give
You wont know anymore
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 9:28 PM UTC
Slow my heart sweet singing girl
Fill it up with every word
And all they hear is when you're near
Like some kind of ghost
And when you leave, you take everything
And you never let it go
You never let it go
Look right into my eyes
And please take off that disguise
The worst thing of being invisible
Is that no one ever knows
All they say is to wait a day
And the pain will pass away
Yeah, you'll pass away
Share your songs with me
Let go of everything
Who have lied to you, who have hurt you
They don't mean a thing
And when you’re alone you can be sure
That I'll join in and sing
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/sweet-singing-ghost
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 9:27 PM UTC
The sun burns bright all day and night
The moon comes to steal it's light
I was sitting by myself
I couldn't help to notice your shine
I was sitting by my chalk outline on the floor
You came like the sun to destroy the night that held me before
You don't have to dress up like a
Barbie doll to look so beautiful
I'll make sure you shine like you're supposed to
You don't deserve to feel like you're being used
I was sitting by my chalk outline on the floor
You came like the sun to destroy the night that held me before
And they’re just want to remind you
That there's nothing you can do
But I'm here to tell you
I’m in love with everything that you do
I don't mind your cold fingertips
That means my body is warm for you
Sitting, waiting for you to decide
If you want to go out or stay by my side
I was sitting by my chalk outline on the floor
And you came like the sun to destroy the night that held me before
So come sit by my side and set me on fire with your love
Who needs the world when I’ve got the girl that burns like the sun
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/chalk-outline
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 9:21 PM UTC
He just wanted a one-night stand
That carried one month too long
Bloomed into a full relationship
That felt completely wrong
And don’t you dare ask why
‘Cos he wont wanna explain
How he loved you for just
One day
Yet you’re constantly telling me you don’t need a man
To break your heart again
Your north star died a long time ago
That would’ve led you to a place you’ll never know
Scream at the Earth the mother of
All this confusion
But she just told you to be quiet
And quit your ********
If you complain than you’re crazy
But don’t hide in your shell
‘Cos I would love you more than you could ever
Hate yourself
Yet you’re constantly telling me you don’t need a man
To break your heart again
Your north star died a long time ago
That would’ve led you to a place you’ll never know
And all you’ve got are all your
Fears and insecurities
And all **** that people put
In your head
And all I’ve got are all my
Fears and insecurities
But when I’m with you I am
So captivated
When I saw in your eyes it was like
Looking into space infinite
All the emotional planets orbiting around
What’s looking back at me
And the laugh that brought me back to
When I was a child and everything was fine
It was like a soft song to let my
Heart unwind
Yet you’re constantly telling me you don’t need a man
To break your heart again
Your north star died a long time ago
That would’ve led you to a place you’ll never know
Constantly telling me you don’t need a man
To break your heart again
So, I will be that close friend
Who will be there until the end
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/northern-star
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 9:19 PM UTC
Hi my name is Spencer Carlson
And I swear to god that I'm an alien
And all my attempts to be human
Have only left me more isolated.
As the boy waits
To get drunk at the party scene
A nomadic nowhere man
Dreams of what life really could have been
And I'm
Sitting here listening
To silence waiting
For it to finally
Change it's key
And I would give anything
To hold you through the night and
Tell you that everything
Is gonna be alright but
My arms are tentacles
And my teeth are razor sharp
And every time I reached out to you
You always pushed me back into the dark
And I'm
Sitting here listening
To silence waiting
For it to finally
Change it's key
And I wish that I never knew
I wish that I never knew
What it takes for you
To forget the pain that's haunting
That’s haunting you
I dream to be the one
To save you from this hell but
Everybody else shows you
Ways to save yourself so
What does that make me?
I don't know I'll
Never be as good as a drug
So I will just go where
I'm
Sitting and Listening
To Silence waiting
For it to Finally
Change it's key
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/alien
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 9:18 PM UTC
If you complain than they'll just hold you back
If you go crazy than they'll just laugh
It's empathy that they lack
A normal need that holds you back
It's easy for them to call you selfish
If you wont bend to their will
They'll imprison you in pointless arguments
That gives them some kind of sick thrill
But you've got your future fixed
That no one can bend or break
A small metal ticket
That will rapture you from this place
So you'll forget this cruel
And you'll just slip away
Unwanted and unneeded
Just like it's always felt
You looked me into the eye and I just looked away
I didn't have the time or strength to save you from your pain
So you've made your agreements
That you are a disappointment
That you are worthless
And that you should just end it
But I love you
I love you
And they labeled you a *****
But I can see a whole lot more
I can see your broken heart
Every time you open up your arms
He just wanted some cheap fun
But you needed someone
To come and save the day
And make everything seem okay
This is the only place you can go
'Cause this is all that you know
Suicidal Cyclone
Media influenced drone
But I love you
I love you
And you think you're clinically depressed
But I think you're romantically suppressed
You don't have to get undressed to impress me
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/no-name
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 9:56 PM UTC
I used to be myself, I used to be complete
But people thought I was trying to hard to be something
So I changed myself into what I'd thought they'd want
Now I live my life pretending I belong
I have searched high and low for some kind of validation
But all I ever found are people with more expectations
So I will love with all I can
And hope that some day I'll finally feel like a man
I don't want to waste your time for you to figure out who I am
And I don't want you to waste mine just to leave me for who I am
My head might be my home but I am willing to leave
And if you show that you want it I'll give you the key
The only thing I learned in this world is to shut my filthy mouth
'Cause no one really cares about what comes out
I'm done trying just to be heard
So that I will have to rely on little birds
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/little-birds
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 9:55 PM UTC
Everyday is like an earthquake in my head
Just another reminder that I'm not dead
And everyday I see you is the day I wish I stayed at home
And every time I run away is the time I see my weakness
'Cause it's so much easier to burn down these bridges
Sorry for walking out on you
Sorry for walking out on you
'Cause you promised you would never do it to me
And I'm tired of trying to forget about every girl that doesn't like me
'Cause the weight of my bitterness is tearing a bigger hole in my heart
And pain is strong and it too moves on until it gets what it wants
That no one can tell that this empty shell once held a person
Sorry for walking out on you
Sorry for walking out on you
'Cause you promised you would never do it to me
Sorry for walking out on you
Sorry for walking out on you
'Cause you promised you would never do it to me
And I've been trying to make this life work all on my own
I push myself so hard and yet feel so alone
I've been moving forward chasing every love that I see
Until I realize true love has been behind me the whole time
Sorry for walking out on you
Sorry for walking out on you
'Cause you promised you would never do it to me
Sorry for walking out on you
Sorry for walking out on you
'Cause you promised you would never do it to me
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/amberson
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 9:40 PM UTC
My best friend has met the love of his life
And I'm still trying to figure out mine
I got three friends and a hundred acquaintances
And this feeling my life will never change
Walking around town with my iPod
I look in every girls eyes hoping they'll see mine
I listen to their pain hoping they'll take mine
And it's in there stories I find
That we are waiting to be rescued
Every last person waiting for time to reverse
We are waiting to be rescued
And it'll only stop for us when our hearts finally burst
All my love ends in the bedroom
'Cause that's the only place it ever was
It's fun but I'd rather have
A relationship instead of a heart full of regret
I listen to her story and begin to think
That her pain and sorrow sounds familiar
I wonder how can she complete my life
When she's just as broken as me
Oh yeah, only a human being
My arms feel so empty
My arms feel so empty
My arms feel so empty
But my heart is full
And I can see that you're alone
So I'll wait, until I can rescue you
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/until-i-rescue-you
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 9:34 PM UTC
This girl doesn't know who to be
She feels like Cinderella
Locked in a castle with a dragon
She's waiting for her hero
Her mother says she has to be strong
But the weight of the world is bringing her down
Her mother says she can be like the men
But what kind of girl wants to be one
She just wants to be loved
So what are you doing to her
She just wants to be loved
So what are you doing to her
She used to go to her dad
And ask if she was beautiful
But now that power line is dead
Waiting for someone to pick it up
She's given her love in desperate attempt
To boys who pose as men
They'll tell her she's beautiful
And leave her broken again
She just wants to feel beautiful
So what are you doing to her
She just wants to feel beautiful
So what are you doing to her
Where you gonna go
With all that love
That no one knows
Where you gonna go
With all that love
What about the girl who's worth was stolen by lust
One man's deceit has broken all her trust now
She hides in the bedroom
Waiting for the pain to go
She feels completely worthless
And no one will ever know
She just wants to feel worthy
So what are you doing to her
She just wants to feel worthy
So what are you doing to her
What about the girl who's life is covered by shame
Who's heart is held back by a wound that opens everyday
Some girls run away, some girls have to hide
They think they'll never be loved with all the pain they have inside
She doesn't need a pervert
She needs someone strong
To tell her that he loves her
As he holds her in his arms
And Satan was the angel of morning
Covered in shining glory
He thought he should be king
So his beauty was taken in defeat
Now he goes around destroying anything beautiful
Like a selfish pre-teen girl in middle school
Satan attacked eve
'Cause he was raged in jealousy
So don't worry, It's not because you deserve it
It's only because someone's jealous
Don't worry, it's not because you're worthless
It's only because you're glorious
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/for-all-the-ladies
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 9:31 PM UTC
I hate my life is written on the pavement again
Like a chalk outline of his hope that died long ago
All the appointments and disappointments are a battle for his joy
All the loss and resignation have stained his soul
The warmth hugs him on his way to work
And the stars sing to him at night
Yet all he sees is his home empty and dark
And he's waiting for something to change his life
And his confidence goes where his confidence comes from
And his confidence goes where his confidence comes from
You've been trying to be big in the eyes of the world
But this world leaves you to do life all on your own
Just because you've been abandoned doesn't mean you are alone
Unbelief has driven your soul but you still got a home
And you confidence goes where your confidence comes from
And you confidence goes where your confidence comes from
And you happiness goes where your happiness comes from
And you confidence goes where your confidence comes from
You don't have to be right
Wouldn't it be nice to put your guard down
You don't have to be busy
Wouldn't it be nice to slow down
You don't have to be perfect
Wouldn't it be nice to know
You don't have to be anything this world wants you to be
You don't have to do it on your own
You don't have to do it on your own
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/abyss-of-unbelief
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 9:26 PM UTC
Here am I with my foot in the door
I'm sorry it couldn't be anything more
I'm either too much or not enough
I'm sorry I couldn't get in your head
And understand
Understand what you want from me
What you want from me
I asked a friend
What he finds
And he told me that girls
Will ruin my life
But I didn't accept it
I didn't accept it
'Cause I got hope
That he don't know
But you wont see it
You wont see it
When you leave me alone
When you leave me alone
I've got enough problems on my own
Yes, I've got enough problems on my own
But I would love you enough to let them go
So I'm letting go
So I'm letting go
And if you love me
Yeah, if you love me
Wont you let me know?
Wont you let me know?
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/oh-youre-that-kind-of-boy
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 9:24 PM UTC
What about the girl who hides behind her faces
Bitterness is the only thing she has to keep
She wants someone to sweep her off of her feet
And keep her held there in perfect ecstasy
What about the girl who wastes all of her beauty
Her absent father didn't tell her she's worth more
She tries to find a boy to fill in her heart's void
She'll feel her life's complete as he slips out the door
Don't you want someone to love
Don't you want someone who'll never give up
Don't you want someone who'll make you feel enough
Don't you want someone to love
What about the boy who keeps messing up
No one to forgive him he doesn't know where to hold his heart
He gives it to girls who don't even know him
How can they when he doesn't even know himself
What about the boy who spends his love on pictures
Doesn't know how to fight for a real girl anymore
He calls her a mystery and gets caught up in his prison
Until beauty is as numb his heart
Why deny him of someone who can take mistakes
The only one who can pick him off the ground
Why deny him of the best beauty around
Someone who'll never deny him of the man he can be
What about the quiet kid in the corner
Never had a father to show him how to be strong
His happiness goes as far as his voice goes
He'll never know his own role in changing the world
What about the kid who acts like a fool
He desperate for any kind of acknowledgment
He's given himself away so many times before
He'll soon be gone with no place to go
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/aura
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 9:20 PM UTC
I walk around hoping
Someone will stop what they're doing
Walk beside me
But the only time they ever stop
Is to just stare
And wonder what the hell I'm doing there
They have all their plans
They have all their friends
And everything they need to make them
Happy
I wish I could be more
Than just a door
That just a window
I dream to be a house
To hold you inside
Keep you dry and safe from the world
But you never saw me that way
Would never let me be
The one to make you
Happy
And you had your back up boyfriends
And every time I questioned them
You asked me why I don't trust you
But trust is just a prison
That you hold me in
This isn't love
So I'm down on my knees
Begging you please
To set me free
So I can be
Happy
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/happy
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 9:13 PM UTC
I showed a girl a picture
Of a dying man she said it would scar forever
And I told her that was the purpose
That I was only returning a favor
She walked out of the place
Thought she'd be gone forever
She came back the next day
And started to say that she was better
Than all the others
Said we'd be forever, said we'd be forever
But my walls keep falling down
Keep breaking down
And I put in my all just to keep them up but
I am growing so tired of being stretched so thin
Of trying to pretend that this ain't bothering me
I used to know what I was doing
But I got lost in all the fake promises and paranoia
I am trying to hard again
I'd sell myself to win
I'd sell myself to make her smile
And sometimes I feel so alone I'm forced into my own world
Where I waste my time building my own kingdom
But my walls keep falling down
Keep breaking down
And I put in my all just to keep them up but
I am growing so tired of being stretched so thin
Of trying to pretend that this ain't bothering me
I showed a girl a picture of a dying man
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/my-stupid-kingdom
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 9:10 PM UTC
The world is this, the world is that
The world is a lie, the world is truth
All I know is I'm leaving it soon
And I am loved, so I'll try to love everybody else
And hope that they'll love me too
Everyone knows, that the birds fly away when it's cold
And they come back when they're good and ready
And we are the same, we play the same game
Just by a different name and we
Wont stop, til we're good and ready
And I'm pretty sure that the world has cancer
I'm pretty sure it's true
I'm pretty sure that the world has cancer
I'm pretty sure it's me and you
Self righteous son of a *****
Cast your judgment on everyone else
And say it's the word of God
But if God loves you, why do you hate us so much?
I'm beginning to think you're just a fraud
You turned your god into a trophy around your neck
And words in some book
But there will come a day when the pain is too much for you to handle
And no sense of pride will be able to save you
And I'm pretty sure that the world has cancer
I'm pretty sure it's true
I'm pretty sure that the world has cancer
I'm pretty sure it's me and you
And everyday is the same thing
Just another victim of some sort of tragedy
And I guess that is all that's coming my way
I could easily end it today
I remember when I was young and grateful for
The few people I knew
But now I got my cellphone, Myspace and Facebook
And I got crazy trying to keep up with all the people I know
You've got your bumper sticker on the back of your car
Telling me to free Tibet and save mother earth
But I suggest you get off your lazy *** and do some actual work
We are destroying just to build bigger cities
And towers to scrape the sky
We are dead consumers living in our dead societies
And our bodies pile up so high
And I'm pretty sure that the world has cancer
I'm pretty sure it's true
I'm pretty sure that the world has cancer
I'm pretty sure it's me and you
https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/im-pretty-sure-this-world-has-cancer
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 8:59 PM UTC