#sob
The moment a poet falls in love
Is the moment you will never die
For your words are sealed in ink
The moment an artist falls in love
Its the moment you are encapsulated
In a pile of sketchbooks and graphite
The moment I fall in love
Is the moment you are already dead
The moment I prepare to leave you
The moment I start to mourn you
Dec 16, 2025
Dec 16, 2025 at 9:57 AM UTC
My soul is quiet
I hide in the corners of books
let my silence mask the corner of my desk
as i get shouted at for a lack of homework
my personality is loud
it likes to echo around the room
like a rabid beast searching for freinds
it preys of the playground
and attacks my soul
they fight
one has to win
but this war is unending
and no white flag
is in sight
Nov 18, 2025
Nov 18, 2025 at 6:27 AM UTC
My therapist told me the other day that i was ‘sad’
It was so simple
She said I made her sad
Because my childhood was so bad
She felt sad hearing it
I could see the pain in her eyes
All I did was make a timeline
A timeline of my life
Of my trauma
Of my pain
And she felt it
So when you say im not damaged
Talk to my therapist
And hear the pain spill from her eyes
For once
Instead of mine
Oct 20, 2025
Oct 20, 2025 at 5:59 PM UTC
Finally I had found my purpose,
for the first time in my life I knew what I wanted:
I wanted to be dead,
and I had got my wish.
This is the night I died.
My veins rushing crystals,
my dream of release so close
yet I still feel the numb ache of life stalking me.
I was nearly free-
free from you,
from my sins.
Given over like a gift to the devil.
I never thought it would end like this but it feels weirdly right.
Almost like I was meant to die.
Like my only purpose is to die.
My life was built up so I can give others relief.
I'm dying.
Death is inevitable.
I was hurt but many will be glad,
I can't hurt them now.
‘My last wish’.
Words everyone has heard at least once whether it's in a game of what would you do
or talking about your grandmother's dying wish
but one way or another everyone has heard these 3 simple words.
But until you're dying you don't know what that would actually be.
Mine?
I wish for my story to be heard
and for my soul to be encapsulated in poems.
Oct 15, 2025
Oct 15, 2025 at 9:53 AM UTC
Can I be selfish for once?
Can i leave my friends because i cannot deal with fighting for them
When i am already fighting to survive
I want to be selfish
I want to cry in front of my girlfriend and have her hug me
I want to curl in a ball and go quiet
wishing for touch
But i cant
If im selfish i will loose my best friend
So i will run myself into the ground
If im selfish i will lose you
i want you
So i will breathe another day, for you
But one day it will get too much
And i wont fight for you
Because i didnt fight for myself
Oct 6, 2025
Oct 6, 2025 at 10:36 AM UTC
You chose her
You had me but you chose her
Oct 1, 2025
Oct 1, 2025 at 9:37 AM UTC
a bloom not I sniff on its wax
yet soap in its name.
Is chime an echo
shuttling between shores clenched and surfs wrinkled?
Forthcoming. Impending. Violating.
Could thou help me to say this?
that I was in out of my depth.
Over-night granola, Mixed-berry fizz, Planet-Traveler hues.
Could thou let me shelve vacancy?
that I’d be sobbing for its mess.
Signature Choco cake named here sole with latte all around globe
some taste brewed here sole.
How hot and heavy and hazy
this existence savors.
But—
there is Thank you, the simple words that turns us into lamplighters
who walk each other home, through the night never seems to end
fluxing, always, always. after all.
before all.
A beam of apathy.
Hithernay I lapse in the liquid fear
of drifting afar from all flowed through me, a terrifying truth
that strikes, falters, and aches.
On shaft of daylight I look fine
but look behind my eyes, everything
is new until it’s old.
An osmosis of remembrance wafts across the lake frozen
I gazed tears streaming down its face
and was told: every metamorphosis a co-passenger brought you
continues the voyage with you on behalf of him.
Would I get over it?
Anon I find the galactic city model of the mind
too cold to defy
as I expend three minutes hesitating shall I do it or not
that could be done within the three minutes
so it’s left undone, with an ongoing groan.
I yearn for rationality is too spiny and messy and illusory
like a broadcast of self-deed that never ever pitch a well guess.
But—
nothing come decipherable until I seek
to return with hands empty of dictions indecipherable.
I love the debris of word that I don’t understand, that
I build brick by brick.
Euphoria stumbles in what is
and what isn’t here.
Chimeric.
This time, at ease I walk into the place scrawled by unfamiliarity
of all kinds, giddy, amorphous, variegated,
not without my muse.
Hovering, the Wayfinder exhales
an attuning overture,
an astringent taste of cacophony.
“Free is the feeling they can’t take from thee.”
a rustle not I shivered in
yet took a leap towards.
Through the bullet-spiked walls of unseen wars
analogy hums a thousand suns
as warriors bury a thousand letters.
Sep 25, 2025
Sep 25, 2025 at 2:11 PM UTC
Narcissistic Deception
Us against the world, I can't believe I was so naive.
Even when I knew better, you still led me to believe.
While I thought about not having to say goodbye,
You were only thinking about “Me, myself, and I”.
You left me when I needed you most.
You said you loved me in all the pictures you did post.
I thought you would always be there for me.
I’ve always been struggling more than you can see.
Even after everything you did, I love you more than ever.
I could never leave or betray you, no, never.
You thought buying presents for me would make me forgive you?
Being there for me is a better thing you could do.
I rarely even had one real friend,
All I could do was pretend
Aug 30, 2025
Aug 30, 2025 at 1:26 PM UTC
I feel like i am the worst daughter,
The first time I smiled in years was after my dad went to prison…
I feel terrible, because I didn’t cry for months.
I still remember the look on his face when the police took him from me..
His beard wasn’t short but wasn’t long, and it was red with some gray..
His eyes had this look in them like he was upset I had to see him like that.
They just gave me the silent apology that his voice couldn’t.
His eyebrows were slightly raised like he didn’t know how I would react.
He seemed like he was surprised and hurt.
Surprised I didn’t react or cry,
Hurt I didn’t try to stop them from taking him.
I walked away without even looking back.
What kind of child does that?
Just walks away from the person they loved the most?
The person who was their whole world.
It made me feel so horrible, I stopped eating.
I wouldn’t eat much for months until I met my new parents,
I still felt like a terrible daughter and thought nobody would ever love me again.
All the people I met just kept proving that to me,
Everyone but them
Aug 30, 2025
Aug 30, 2025 at 1:23 PM UTC
I want to say thank you.
If you didn’t leave me, I wouldn’t be here now.
But I don't know if I can mean it.
Some said you did your best, but did you really?
You could’ve stopped the drugs, gone to rehab
But did you? No you did not.
I try not to be angry with you, but you made it difficult
I know you say you changed, but you’ve said that before.
I can’t help but be angry
You left me and I thought I forgave you, but maybe I truly can't.
I do love you but i dont know if I can call you my father…
Chris has been more of a dad to me in these 4 years than you were for most of my life.
I know, we had good years, but we had more bad.
You were my best friend, but I wasn’t yours.
I know you loved me but you had a horrible way of showing it.
You made me feel undervalued and unappreciated.
Even when you get out, I might have to say bye for a while.
I thought I could see you again, but I’ve worked so hard for myself.
Seeing you will make me go backwards again.
It’ll bring back all the memories
I know the effect it’ll have on me
The effect it will have on those around me.
If I see you again, I’ll start being angry at home.
I can't explain it but I know it’ll happen.
I might get depressed, and I can’t afford to do that again.
Every time you left me, it got easier to say goodbye.
I couldn’t physically cry after a while.
I was left to comfort your ex while she balled her eyes out and used your drugs.
I wish I could forgive you
I wish I could thank you,
But I can’t mean it.
Aug 30, 2025
Aug 30, 2025 at 1:20 PM UTC
Nestled in your bones,
Ravens cloaked in black;
Murmurs, whispers, cackles—
soaring into the good night
by the Grey mist.
Clothes all torn; Worn;
tightened with spider webs.
Holding my grip by
my wrinkled bare hands—
Your gnarled roots all wet!
Soaked; Below my slippers
in the midst of silence,
as my shadow trips
on to your solemn face.
Did you know?
Did you know that
I held you in my
soft, young palms
seventy years ago?
I thank you,
my precious dear ally,
for keeping my wilted
dead red rose warm,
as my heart broke apart.
Now it's time.
For you shall engulf
my stone dome grave
with your gentle heart.
For I shall close my eyes
with my final breath.
Before I ask you;
Entomb it for me,
will you?
Jun 25, 2025
Jun 25, 2025 at 10:28 AM UTC
I think this time I’m crying,
Not for the many people I have lost,
but for those I have never had to begin with.
My mother is somehow on both lists,
though I’m sure she doesn’t think so.
My father’s name sits next to hers on the list,
As he always sits next to her. By her side,
And on her side every time, every day.
My grandmother was on the first list
until the day she revealed her soul to me.
Her heart had wrinkles and scars more
gruesome than her youthful smile could hide.
I think this time I’m crying,
Not for the mistakes I’ve made,
But for the memories I didn’t.
My childhood sits at the top of the list,
A foggy blur of grey and white.
My mother’s genuine smile is beside it,
A beautiful sight I think I’ll never see.
My birthdays are each lined up neatly,
Each one a day set aside just for me.
The last thing on the list is scratched out.
Someone I swear I knew once, but don’t
Remember even the song of their name.
Mar 7, 2025
Mar 7, 2025 at 9:38 PM UTC
The night that she died, she was in my arms. We were in the hospital bed. We both knew this was the end—all the months of pain, the endless treatments, the medication. Every hour I spent taking care of her was for the smallest chance that she might get to see another day.
That whole night, we stayed intertwined in that small, stiff hospital bed. She caressed my hair and whispered memories from when I was a child. She talked about how happy she was with the life she lived. In that moment, it felt like things were fine—like maybe, somehow, she could miraculously heal. But we both knew the truth.
I spent my part apologizing, begging, loving. I spent my part regretting. I kept looking at her, then the clock, back and forth, praying for just one more day. I begged her not to sleep, knowing that once she did, it would happen. She HAD to die, and I couldn’t understand why.
She held me as I cried against her chest, like a child, sobbing and pleading with the universe to trade our places. Then she went cold.
I looked at her. And I realized—this was it. She had left.
I was sixteen, lying in that cold, cramped hospital bed, holding my mother’s lifeless body, wishing for a different world.
The day of the funeral, I was surrounded by people offering their condolences. As sweet as they tried to be, I was bitter. I rejected their help. I wanted to be alone. The worst part was the strangers—people who didn’t even know her—standing up and speaking for her. Speaking about who she was, like they could ever understand.
I ran out of the church and kicked over a trash can. I fell to my knees, sobbing, screaming silently to the sky: “Mom, I wish things were different.” “Mom, I wish I’d shown you how much I loved you.” “Mom… you were everything.”
When they buried her, it felt like a seal. This was final. No countdowns, no approximations, no hovering uncertainty—just an undeniable fact. She was gone.
After everyone left, I stayed behind. I knelt in front of her grave, pressing my head against the cold tombstone, hugging it like I could somehow feel her warmth again. I clawed at the dirt, burying my hands in the grass like I could dig her out. I knew she wasn’t there, but I couldn’t accept that she was really gone.
She would never see me walk down the aisle to the song I’d told her about since I was a kid. She would never meet the people I promised to introduce her to in college. She would never see me graduate high school.
And I hated her for that.
Even though it wasn’t her fault, I hated it.
It was easier to point fingers, to be bitter, to blame the universe, God, or fate. Even if, deep down, I knew there was no one to blame.
Feb 20, 2025
Feb 20, 2025 at 11:40 PM UTC
I had cookies after lunch
I had it, to tell myself
I could do it
I could eat cookies
and not think about the numbers
I could eat cookies
and not stare into the toilet bowl
I couldn’t do it
I looked into the toilet bowl
Reached into my mouth
And pulled it out
With slow and painful shoves
Though slow,
The way it happens
Is expedited
But it’s not enough
It’s never enough
The inside of the toilet bowl is stained with regret
The inside of my guts are still full of regret
But I cant get it out
It stays
I couldn’t do it
I don’t know when my food
Started tasting like regret
And looking like numbers
I miss how it made me feel
When my parents got me a donut
The smell of the warm bread
The feel of the chocolate between my fingers
I could eat 2 at once
And not give it a second thought
All 2 donuts are now
Is 500
500 too many
500 more of regret
I don’t want to think about the numbers
On the scale
Of my food
The number of scars I’ve painted on my thigh
I’ve never preferred math
Nov 1, 2024
Nov 1, 2024 at 1:19 PM UTC
pain comes in waves
washing over you
crashing onto you
pounding onto you
the cuts in your heart
bleed
as they burn
and
sting
as the salt sinks into
the cuts
rejection comes so often that
it seems almost
natural
it keeps on
repeating
repeating
repeat
ing.
Sep 28, 2024
Sep 28, 2024 at 12:17 PM UTC
when did the butterflies in my stomach
transform
into a nauseating pit of anxiety?
Jan 30, 2022
Jan 30, 2022 at 12:45 PM UTC
Once again the sobbing of my heart,
drowns out thoughts of laughter.
And still the ache of loneliness tells,
there is no sign of what I am after.
Through ache of the soul and a pain,
deep in my damaged spirits broken core.
Everything I am and all of my being,
just longing for someone to adore.
There is someone for everyone,
I have heard people often say.
So why this dark lonely space,
my head cant make go away?
When you have love to give,
and there is no one there.
Until all your body can feel,
is darkness and empty despair.
How can you hang onto dreams,
or even make effort to cope.
Abandoned by love and alone,
knowing each day there is no hope.
A pain so deep and this endless ache,
so much love to give it cant be wrong.
Through hearts cry and souls pain,
Somehow I am meant to stay strong.
I can't
Apr 8, 2021
Apr 8, 2021 at 8:10 PM UTC
Red drop
One drop,
Then another,
Red...
"It's raining"
I thought
You sobbed with each drop!
Jul 7, 2020
Jul 7, 2020 at 10:03 PM UTC
Yes, it was a nightmare
But I haven't
Left it behind
A few days after
My mom reached the stars
And shone down on me
No more by my side
Yet her presence felt
All through the day
Returning to
A semblance of normality
Somehow able to
Reach across the void
Her absence has left
The dark patch
Over our souls
But pretence
Is something that is
As natural
As forgettance.
And I converse
With my dad
Of trivial things
Like they actually
Matter
And I say,
"Appa, I can still
Hear her
In my head”
An alive phantom.
And I sob
Uncontrollably
Waking up
Drenched with salty tears
Detached
From what's real
And what's not.
Jun 12, 2020
Jun 12, 2020 at 10:21 AM UTC
you would not be able to forget someone after weaving strings of memories with them, that starts from your eyes and connects to your heart...
Jun 3, 2020
Jun 3, 2020 at 10:05 AM UTC
Tears fall heavier than ever
Each seems to be made of lead
Dense weights holding immense amounts of agony kept in my soul
So I release one by one so I can be light again
May 6, 2020
May 6, 2020 at 11:22 PM UTC
A smile is on my lips,
While a hole is in my soul;
I'll laugh for the moment,
But cry when I'm alone.
My mask is perfect,
Deceiving all who see.
They think I am content,
Cannot hear my silent plea.
If I am hurting,
You will never know.
My mask is unwavering,
Blow after blow.
Apr 24, 2020
Apr 24, 2020 at 8:21 PM UTC
i choke on these words
that have fled from containment
i sob and i take
gulps of air like hydration
i starve to maintain
this excess of hate
that sits loud and patient
across my whole navel
i blame these sharp words
that sneak out through my teeth
they lash out at you
as you stare wide at me
my headlights alarming your doe eyes
(no malice apparent but it breeds behind light)
as i speak in these slices of sentencing spite
(then i silently lie and regret in the night)
thought i grew this act out,
but i caved it all in
let it push its way up
let it surface my skin
just to see myself lose
what i thought was a win
Feb 18, 2020
Feb 18, 2020 at 3:46 PM UTC