#slampoems
Research shows that children and teens have the possibility to conquer their OCD tendencies
But here I am, age 16, and I still haven’t broken free.
My therapist argued that it was possible that I didn’t even have OCD at all, just small habits that fall under the OCD stereotype–
Yet here I am
Pencil in hand, ready to write
But not until I find the perfect line, perfect rhyme.
Now here I am wondering if this is even the right time to share about my so-called “habits”
Because “it’s all my call” but if I don’t tap the wall 30 times I won’t sleep well at all.
Or you can choose not to, but turn down the fan or your family won’t get a good number in the immigration queue.
But don’t forget to walk down the stairs with your left foot first, and on the larger step make sure it’s left then right, because we’ve been doing this for four years now, Karis.
But at school it’s right, then left, so you’ll end with the right foot on the ground, which is your left.
All these “habits” with the hope that I’ll someday cut the rope which binds me to the demons who control my “habits.”
Someday I will make them bow but that time is not now
Because I’ve lost the rhythm and rhyme that I started with
Every morning I pray to God to free me from this cycle and yet–
I’ve been through trial and flame and the only person left to blame is myself.
And the pills in my kitchen drawer that add to the bills as my parents refill my pill dispenser.
Yet I take them
Over and over and over.
Research shows that children and teens have the possibility to conquer their OCD tendencies
But here I am, age 16, and I still haven’t broken free
Down my family’s stairs
Left, right, left, right
Down the school’s stairs
Right, left, right, left.
The idea of breaking free from my “habits” once gave me hope
But these tendencies have become the best way to cope
Research shows that children and teens have the possibility to conquer their OCD tendencies
But who am I if these tendencies are not a part of me?
Apr 25
Apr 25, 2026 at 5:52 AM UTC
please dont ask me if i miss it when you know that i do,
please dont ask me how it felt to sit in the passenger seat of your car every day for four months straight.
because i will tell you.
how it felt like yellow lights in a dimly lit café on monday nights,
like ***** snow underneath your tires,
like a resurrection of fresh air after feeling trapped since september.
every now and then i come back to this.
now that it's february and i cant remember what your house smelt like.
i often wonder what your parents think happened to me. and your sister.
i've started to wonder if i would have gone to her wedding with you.
i hope she's happy, and i hope you are too.
don't get me wrong, i needed you to leave i know i did.
sometimes it doesn't feel like you did much for me although i know you did.
sometimes it doesn't feel like you were ever part of me although i know you were.
now that it's the end of february the weather has started to become lighter and i keep finding myself rolling the window down, making the music louder and wanting to sing, wanting to smile, wanting to feel what it's like to be euphoric again and i just, can't.
not right now.
i don't know if a year later can be considered "too soon" but i do know
that i hate you, and the way you made the snow feel like you so now i dont even feel at home when i look out my bedroom window.
i hate you, and the way you made the car feel like our safe space so now i don't feel safe when i'm driving with my mother.
i hate you, and the way you made me think that you would stay,
the way you made me feel like you were going to be a part of my family
the way you threw me away as if it was easy for you.
i hate you for everything that reminds me of you like guitars and troye sivan and sleepovers and driving down the ******* highway and being someone that cares about you so much i'd miss saying goodbye to my dad to spend another night with you.
so don't,
do not
ask me if i miss it
when you think you know that i do.
because i don't miss any of it.
not anymore.
Feb 24, 2017
Feb 24, 2017 at 1:51 AM UTC
If i ruled the world id have hockey games settle evry dispute now that may not seem cute but if all that passion by politicians is displayed on the ice then we might not be in needless disputes
If you're rude to me if i was emperor you see id not be cruel and force you to eat nothing but bread and gruel id simply have you put out of your misery because you're clearly a loon
Now you may not like every whim and policy but i promise id try to come off as endearing I'll kiss babies and give to charity and explain my thoughts with the utmost clarity and maybe go on Larry King
But all punchlines aside if i ruled the world and everything in it id make it so we treated addicts like humans not vermin and remain sane to help the insane and truamatized because so many people suffer behind their eyes and
I'd decide to abolish money so greed wouldn't decide the fates of those out here in these streets
Id make it so we gave back to the earth so much that weve taken from it and actually do things that benefit the environment not **** wildlife
Oct 21, 2016
Oct 21, 2016 at 10:49 PM UTC
Society wasn't meant to handle us
be able to understand us;
and so we cannot understand ourselves.
They don't know what it is like to feel and see everything so deeply and vibrantly
that you begin to feel and see no more.
Instead they diagnose us and they “treat” us.
Say it with me:
“I AM THE MEDICATED YOUTH.”
But I will not be ashamed. I stand proud
Because while the drugs may dull and fix the pain on the surface,
I remain an anomaly, something so rare and unique ––
Something so misunderstood they're afraid and don't know what to do.
uncontrollable, unrestrainable,
free.
Nov 10, 2014
Nov 10, 2014 at 10:32 PM UTC