#silaswrites
people have always said
the world you see
is the world you know
i see
my hands,
clouds of gray
made of ragged static edges
i see
the horizon,
a mosaic
dripping with vibrant reds and oranges
i see
the world,
crumbling
disintegrating into dust
heavy breaths and quivering hands,
i want to shut out the world.
Apr 15, 2019
Apr 15, 2019 at 10:01 AM UTC
a heart so full, so vibrant
it takes the breath away before it ever reaches my lips
arms so wide, so warm
i feel like a caterpillar wrapped in its cocoon
a mind so beautiful, so bright
i wonder if he is made of the stars
every single day
i can’t help but think
*i am so lucky
to be able to love you.*
it has taken me months
but i have finally realised;
he is the garden
and i am just a bee
Apr 15, 2019
Apr 15, 2019 at 10:00 AM UTC
just the thought of you feeling alone in this world
keeps me up at night
you say
you fear you will never find someone like you
and although you and i
are not the same
i will be here to listen to you
and grip your hands tightly through this storm
that never seems to end
i want to hear your thoughts
and all of your joys and desires
what you hate and fear in this world
what evokes envy or anger
i want to have a piece of your heart in my hands
and you
are a beautifully perfect individual
einstein would envy your knowledge
and aphrodite would envy your beauty
but i can never find the right words
loving you is exhilarating
and everytime you speak you leave me breathless
and wanting to hear more
there are few people who make the sun shine
so gloriously in the sky
as if it were just for me
i hope you stay in my life forever.
Sep 18, 2018
Sep 18, 2018 at 8:29 PM UTC
you can run
and hide
from every ray of the sun
that greets the trees from the horizon
you can scream
in the night
and disturb the sleep of the birds
who awaken early to sing their songs
you can play the cards
and turn the tables of ‘victim’
any way you like
to match your game
and you can blame me
for every tear you’ve cried
or every time your fist has clenched
out of spite
but the truth is
you
are the reason
you’re unhappy.
Sep 18, 2018
Sep 18, 2018 at 8:22 PM UTC
i'm sorry
that i don't fit
your definition of male.
i'm sorry
i don't have testosterone
running rampant in my veins
i'm sorry
i don't have a bulge
like the mound on a hill
i'm sorry
i don't have a flat chest
acceptable enough to expose in the summer
i'm sorry
you can't begin to understand my heart
before judging my body.
i'm sorry
you were raised to define a man
by what's in his pants.
i'm sorry
you would rather spend your life
invalidating me
and so many others
than open the doors
that beg for a chance
but i
am just as much of a man
as the next guy.
Apr 13, 2018
Apr 13, 2018 at 2:22 PM UTC
fire engulfing the combustibles
the soft flickering of red and orange sparks
gentle, but powerful
the smell of charred oak filling my nose
a wave of light, one after the other
lingering warmth on my skin
as if i could ever replicate
what it felt like to be beside you
fire provides us warmth, light,
perhaps a vague sense of security in the hardest nights
but come too close,
and the fire
will burn
you.
Sep 14, 2017
Sep 14, 2017 at 12:00 AM UTC
these days,
i feel i have become unlovable
they come and go and wouldn't even spit at my feet
they throw me away like a once-bitten apple
once they see a shinier, crisper one
on a branch only a little higher than where i hung
i feel i am a ghost
often it seems like i can never find a place to call "home"
especially not in my own body
i feel i am filled with fiery unrest
i will never watch the sun set peacefully
i will never "leave it be"
i feel i will never be happy
especially not where i am now
Nov 21, 2016
Nov 21, 2016 at 10:10 PM UTC
you have such a gift
to entice people with your words
and bestow upon them an aching sense of hope
was i foolish to have hoped to love you?
Jan 13, 2017
Jan 13, 2017 at 6:46 PM UTC
"i love you" should not be a phrase
thrown around by insincere folk
to describe fake feeling,
to justify an ill-thought decision,
or as a bandage for every problem
when did "i love you" lose its purpose,
its innocence?
i wish "i love you" meant a beginning
i wish it could be independent of artificiality
i wish it still represented a sacred bond between open hearts
so unlike it does these days
i can only dream of hearing someone say it
with passion, with sweetness, with authenticity
as if someone like that even exists
Aug 1, 2016
Aug 1, 2016 at 6:28 PM UTC
in theory,
summer vacation seems like the perfect getaway
especially while i'm suffering through my classes in school
so seemingly serene, a needed moment of rest
like i could escape every problem in my life
if i could just hold the hands of summer
in reality,
it just reminds me of my loneliness
the heat beating me down into oblivion
leading me to thoughts i wouldn't have time for in school
my future, a muddy slope
my love life, a trainwreck stuck on loop
my friends, a distant memory, a fright of ghosts
the only thing i've learned this summer is
"be careful what you wish for"
Aug 1, 2016
Aug 1, 2016 at 6:24 PM UTC
i fell in love with a boy with dark blonde hair and the most beautiful blue green eyes ive ever seen in my life
his smile is so bright that i swear he is a star
he is the sun in my galaxy
his laugh is as warm homemade chicken noodle soup;
so comforting, so nice you could cry
maybe it's a stretch to say that i'm in love
with the way he cheers up the people around him,
taking their hands and leading them into a world
where you can feel safe and finally be yourself
instead of wearing fake masks of happiness in order to protect those around you
from the hurricane you house inside
but even years of depression later,
a simple five minutes with him makes me feel immeasurable happiness
what's his secret?
if only jealousy didn't get the best of me
i wonder why i lie in bed,
daydreaming about a boy i wish i could have
but may never have
i wonder why i can never collect the courage
to just grab his hands
or hold his face and kiss him softly
i wonder why i'm so afraid of ruining our friendship and telling him how i really feel
when i so deeply just want to be his love
i wonder what he would say
if i asked him to stay in my life forever?
May 17, 2016
May 17, 2016 at 11:53 PM UTC
i can't even seem to write
without my hands shaking
and feeling like i'm rocking back into oblivion
i can't seem to remember
all the good times i thought we had
but twas not until we went our separate ways
did i realise
you were a flower, shining brightly
soaking up the affection others gave to you
taking it within your cells
manipulating such an innocent love into empowering bloodlust
laced with your unforgiving poison,
you ****** purity and joy out of every person
who showed vulnerability
you were different.
the moment i confronted you,
you hissed at me for my "selfishness and arrogance"
and our love story ends there.
only months later did it hit me
what you'd really intended and done
at one time, you came back, crying to me
and i tried to explain what you'd done,
but you disregarded my attempts and blamed me for your actions.
deceptive little plant,
when will you learn?
Feb 16, 2016
Feb 16, 2016 at 7:38 PM UTC
here's to 2016.
here's to less heartbreak, less tears
to happy moments, the laughter
to the comfort we've been longing for.
here's to growth and learning
to rebirth and second chances
to change and peace wherever we can get it.
here's to acceptance
to gentleness and strength in the worst times
to embracing romance and sexuality, if that's your cup of tea
here's to the best time of our lives
and if not, to keep believing;
maybe it'll be the year.
here's to 2016.
Dec 31, 2015
Dec 31, 2015 at 10:03 PM UTC
"maybe it'll feel like christmas this year,"
i say, time and time again
it's been a year and i still feel the emptiness
the chills up my spine when i hear your name
the coldness of my heart that dropped ten degrees more than it is outside
a present, a kiss, a simple greeting
what does it take to make a holiday happy?
i don't want your ******* pity
i want to be remembered
as something more than just nothing to you
what a tragic love story, a depressing tale
especially on christmas day
what gift could be any worse
than a broken heart?
Dec 31, 2015
Dec 31, 2015 at 9:52 PM UTC
it's been a year since you last wrote;
and the ***** still burns in the back of my throat
i told myself i wouldn't make the same mistake again
but here i am, laying on the cold bathroom floor,
gasping for the breath i lost when you gave up on me.
a second chance never tasted so sweet;
i swear i felt my soul ache inside
i wanted to make things right
but these heavy hands waste more ink on skin than any paper
i told you i loved you.
you threw my words back into my face and shouted "lies"
so loudly it knocked my teeth out
i swore i'd make things right again
but you don't love me anymore
and honestly, no one counts past two these days
i will never understand
why the pain returns in waves
as merciless as the sea
Nov 3, 2015
Nov 3, 2015 at 10:49 PM UTC
salt and flowers,
to the musky smell of ***** on her lips.
who was she without her drinks?
what light her glowing eyes once held
was miserably replaced with emptiness
and the subtle dread of return to reality.
her sobriety was virtually nonexistent,
that wretched glass bottle the barrier
between her conscience and the problems truly inescapable.
she drank her heart out,
as if alcohol could fill her heart
any better than love or hope,
emotions she grew numb to ages ago.
what a sad life it must be,
drinking, the only thing left to hang onto.
but the worst? –
she never admitted her addiction.
the shaking, the blackouts, the dependence
overwhelmed every beautiful thing she used to be.
yet the words,
“i need help,”
never passed her lips once.
days on end,
the world seemed to gray out,
all things sluggish, gloomy,
but only through her eyes.
i held her shaking hands,
numbness and the cold controlling,
anxiety and depression, circulating.
she craved her drinks,
no, needed them,
and fell in love with the lack of feeling.
she felt no guilt for what she did,
“just an escape,”
and she paid a heavy price
for who she chose to be.
alas –
tomorrow is another day.
Nov 2, 2015
Nov 2, 2015 at 8:45 PM UTC
"tiaras and teacups"
reminds me of the innocence we all held at one point
"broken hearts and bitterness"
shows you how misery can change a lot about someone
you thought you knew
Sep 22, 2015
Sep 22, 2015 at 10:13 PM UTC
how silly of me to believe you'd change your atrocious ways
how awful it is to know you only 'loved' me
when you wanted something
how stupid i was to think you'd miss me at all
i continue to float on this nauseating cloud of despair
waiting, waiting, waiting
for who knows what anymore
the clock still continues on, and waits for no one
teach me to fall in love again, with someone new
or tell me you ******* love me again
because i really am nothing without you
Sep 22, 2015
Sep 22, 2015 at 10:00 PM UTC
"give it time, let it rest"
when'll it be enough?
Sep 14, 2015
Sep 14, 2015 at 8:27 PM UTC
i hope the next time you eat chocolate covered strawberries
you think of me
the way we'd share the taste of the bittersweet chocolate and the almost saccharine taste of fresh fruit between our lips
on those cold october nights
i hope the next time you listen to the crickets chirp at night
you think of how we used to snuggle up in bed late at night
attentive to nothing but the other's heartbeat and the insects outside play their songs for hours
i hope the next time you see those plaid patterns
you think of how i'd wrap myself all up in your flannels just to keep warm- the soft, woven fabrics brushing against my face
i just hope you don't forget about me the next time you kiss her
Sep 14, 2015
Sep 14, 2015 at 8:23 PM UTC
i wasted my first kiss on a girl i did not truly love,
only done in the heat of the moment and the almost desperate feeling that i would never be anything without it
her lips did not taste like what they say in the books and movies
i felt no heat or passion, regardless of how hard i tried
if anything, it felt wrong
afterwards, she told me she loved me
but i could not return her feelings;
i will never say i love someone if i truly do not,
because people do not deserve to be hurt that way,
the way i've been hurt, time and time again
the stories you hear people tell about their first kiss
always has a feel of magic to it, and the joy they spread, a good memory,
one that most would want to relive
but mine will always be about a girl i will never love
and i often find myself wishing it never ******* happened in the first place
Sep 14, 2015
Sep 14, 2015 at 8:28 PM UTC
i gathered the courage to send you a message today
and luckily enough, you replied,
as if nothing had happened to us
prior to the seemingly never-ending silence
we put each other through
i don't want to remember.
you asked me how i was
i said i was doing okay
and i swear i felt your smile through the screen
you told me you've missed me
and i felt the plaguing sadness creep into me again
but quite honestly, maybe for a second or two,
i didnt know if you were lying or not
i knew better than to believe.
somewhere along the lines
we fell apart again
and now
all i hear is static.
Aug 30, 2015
Aug 30, 2015 at 7:22 PM UTC
nothing makes me happy anymore and i think about dying every day
i look in the mirror and see my own misery reflected back at me
stop scaring me into someone i will never be
i miss you
please come home
Aug 28, 2015
Aug 28, 2015 at 8:53 PM UTC
the thunder in the distance echoes throughout the house
the trees dance in the wind
the raindrops pitter, patter quietly outside
while i lie in bed, curled up in the blankets,
staring out the window, unsure of what i was hoping to see
you always loved the rain
you always told me you'd dreamed of kissing someone in it
how unfortunate it is that i will never be that person
Aug 18, 2015
Aug 18, 2015 at 4:20 PM UTC