#showgirl
I leave a light on in my bedroom
like a stage no one ever comes back to
just a lonely spotlight humming your name
soft as dust in the curtains
they say heartbreak is a knife
but fading is the slow dim of a bulb
No scream, no blood
just the quiet realization
Oh, I am caring less today
and that is how you really leave
My heart dragging in your shadow
I carry you the way showgirls carry glitter
in their hair long after the curtain falls
It gets in everything
even when the music is gone
You are still shining somewhere in me
Love does not explode
It evaporates
it lifts off my skin
in invisible little ghosts
Until one morning I wake up
and there is more air, than you
I do not want that kind of freedom
I do not want a clean empty sky
I want your weight on my chest
your shadow in my doorway
your voice telling me to stay
I am losing faith in your return
Like a prayer that keeps forgetting it's words
but I am not turning out my light
Even if it flickers,
even if it hurts my eyes
Fading means the colors going soft
your brown eyes becoming a memory
your laugh turning into a hum
Fading means you slipping
through my fingers like smoke
But I would rather be faded
i would rather be high on the idea of you
time thick and slow like honey
Me stuck inside the thought of your mouth
sayin my name
I would rather be faded thinking of you
than sober in a world where you are gone
let me blur the edges
let me smear the days together
so I can keep you a little longer
I am not brave enough for forgetting
I am only brave enough for longing
so I stay in this half light
This almost love
This almost you
Even when the feeling gets thinner
even when it starts to slip
I hold it like a dying star
warm and burning and beautiful
in the middle of my chest
Love fading is the cruelest magic
It makes you disappear
While you are still alive
And I am left loving
the echo of your heartbeat
Even as you fade I hold you closer
like smoke in my lungs
like a song that will not end
I stay faded in the doorway of your memory
Half dreaming, half praying
Maybe fading doesn't mean you're gone
Maybe it just means the light is softer
and I sit inside that glow
I will wear you like a beautiful silk dress
fraying, but still beautiful
So you never have to fully leave
Jan 27
Jan 27, 2026 at 2:18 PM UTC
On the telephone you found me at the right time
been thinking maybe that I might want you for keeps
and this time it doesn’t feel like mythology
No golden haze, no tragic ending in sight
No ghost of the girl, always the first to leave
Just the cadence of your voice, a low, steady hum
like the tide promising it’ll come back to me
I was glitter and exit wounds
A dazzling showgirl with mascara constellations
Spinning through the ache of almost
Love used to feel like costume jewelry
Pretty, but it never stayed gold
And then there was you
no audience, not a decibel of applause,
just a quiet room
and the sound of being admired
and the scarlett letter I once wore pinned to my heart
Became sizzling ashes
You made forever sound casual
Like a secret we both already knew
the lights dimmed, the script fell away
Credits have rolled
I didn’t need to perform to be seen
Maybe it’s fate
or maybe it’s just what happens
when you decide to quit looking
and all hope is lost
The curtain closes
But this time
It’s not a fable I’m spinning to survive,
not a love I’m chasing through fog
it’s real
And it shimmers on my skin like a million tiny opals
Each placed by you
And for the first time,
I don’t want to run when the curtain opens
Nov 1, 2025
Nov 1, 2025 at 2:14 AM UTC
He says, show me
and I do
unraveling in the blue light
a ghost draped in satin
half-girl, half-performance
But I don’t think he wants to see me
Not the girl who flinches at her own reflection
not the one who writes love like an elegy
He wants the illusion
the one who knows where to place her hands
and how to make her voice sound like velvet
He says, bare
I wish he meant his soul
Instead I offer skin
pretend it’s enough
pretend I don’t crave the slow confession of his heart
stripped down to its bones
I touch myself to the thought of him
miles away
a mirage stitched into my pulse
Every moan feels like prayer and punishment
Every breath, a plea for reality
He glitters in my mind,
clear as a million gemstones
every one of them sharp
They cut me open
and spell his name in the wounds
Sometimes I think I’m both the stage and the act
He gets the sequined girl who knows her lines
the one who keeps the lights burning
so he doesn’t see the cracks
But I know the truth
underneath the costume
I’m just a girl asking
would you still want my chest
if my heart was cut out of it?
Would you love me
if there was no show to see?
When the call ends
the applause never comes
Just the soft hum of distance
and me
still performing
alone in the dark
wondering if I’ve ever been real
to anyone at all
Oct 30, 2025
Oct 30, 2025 at 12:49 AM UTC
I’ve spent my whole life rehearsing how to be wanted
Tilt the chin, part the lips
laugh like I don’t mean it
Men say “She’s magnetic,”
but it feels more like being caught in a storm
that only ever moves one way
I tell myself this is power
to be chosen
to be stared at until I dissolve into light
But under the sequins and the bathroom lighting
I know it’s hunger
I know it’s loneliness in lingerie
I’ve searched for love in the filthiest places
bare skin and bad perfume
hands that hold me like a secret they’ll forget by morning
Letting depraved creatures corrupt me
just to remember I’m alive
Just to trick my body into thinking
I’ve been adored
And after, the quiet always finds me
I lie there
feeling like the most beautiful girl in the world
and the ugliest one God ever made
My mascara smudged like fading bruises
my heart, persistence that doesn’t learn
I touch myself sometimes like it’s penance
like maybe I can turn want into worth
But my stomach twists when I finish
It’s not pleasure, it’s punishment
a small, private crucifixion
What’s a girl gotta do
to be seen and still feel clean
to be touched and not scar
to want love and not rot from it
I tell myself I don’t care anymore
but I still scan every room for him
the one who’ll look at me
like I’m not made of glass or sin
The one who won’t flinch at the truth of me
or worse-
make it poetic
Because I’ve been both the wound and the warning
I’ve been the show and the silence after
And I’m still here
painted in red
whispering into the mirror
Tell me I’m worth it
Tell me I’m wanted
Tell me this isn’t all there is
Oct 30, 2025
Oct 30, 2025 at 12:43 AM UTC