#shittyeverything
I know I am not allowed to love you anymore
You're not mine and I'm not yours
But the distance is killing me
I haven't been eating much recently,
It's showing in my face.
I look as empty as you left me.
I love you still,
I probably always will
But we aren't eachothers anymore.
Sep 8, 2015
Sep 8, 2015 at 2:11 AM UTC
I'll never forget the night we were sprawled on your bed,
Hand in hand and legs intertwined.
I asked you if you loved me and you said
"Like nothing else in the world"
You asked the same and I said
"More than myself."
Its been almost two years since then and now we lay close but never quite touching.
Never quite enough.
I asked you if you loved me and all you said was
"Yeah."
But you never asked me back,
And I've always wondered why that was.
I guess it was because we both already knew the answer, we were just so afraid to hear it out loud.
Sep 4, 2015
Sep 4, 2015 at 3:48 AM UTC
Are you tired of holding the weight of the world on your fragile shoulders?
Somewhere along the way I saw the smile fade from your heart shaped face and soon be replaced with grimace.
You aren't happy, but you're not sure when it got on the next train and fled.
You know you're broken but you're convinced bandaids will hold your shattered bones together.
Sep 2, 2015
Sep 2, 2015 at 2:24 AM UTC
Let's pretend to be alive
We'll dance in the streets until three in the morning and kiss in the rain
They never look empty inside in the movies
So we'll reenact your favorite love stories and pretend we'd die for eachother
We don't have to admit we're already dead on our own
We can fake this love if we are anyone but ourselves
Aug 21, 2015
Aug 21, 2015 at 3:35 PM UTC
"Do you love me?"
His face lit up by the blinking lights on his alarm clock, he answers yes.
"Are you in love with me?" I ask, counting as every second goes by in the reflection in his eye.
15 seconds. "Aren't they the same thing?"
Aug 21, 2015
Aug 21, 2015 at 7:03 AM UTC
The emptiness I feel inside is nothing but a crater I stumbled upon one afternoon
I had been waltzing my way through the wild
Suddenly I was so deep I could barely see out and I watched as all the dancers gracefully moved around the brim.
I wasn't jealous of the way they moved right above me, still breathing.
I wasn't scared that I wasnt,
I was simply a crater.
Aug 11, 2015
Aug 11, 2015 at 8:03 AM UTC
You were as yellow as the sun
So bright it hurt to stare directly at you
Full of flowers and the smell of spring
I was as blue as the sea
Strong enough to bring you down with a single motion
But unable to stop myself
We didn't mix and make green
Instead I turned darker and so did you
I was waging wars on myself
And I can't thank you enough for trying to dull the pain
But I liked you better when you were yellow
I know it makes me a terrible person to wish you gone but you shined so much brighter in the sun.
Aug 10, 2015
Aug 10, 2015 at 10:58 PM UTC
Spilled tea and shaky hands
The silent chill spread throughout your body like lightning
The static feeling in your arms while you watch your partner fall asleep on you
Binge watching bad tv shows on a Sunday
The gut feeling that tells you to run
The friend that tells you to go for it
Mental breakdowns on the kitchen floor
An almost lover
Aug 3, 2015
Aug 3, 2015 at 5:03 AM UTC
They say "to live is to love" but if you've ever carried the weight of another broken soul, you already know that.
I remember so vividly the night you held me in your arms as I cried about everything and nothing,
I swear I can still hear you promise me you weren't going anywhere, you'll always be right here.
I can still see the look on your face only six months later when you told me that you didn't love me anymore, twisted and sad and so exhausted. I could feel my heart breaking as you added "I'm not sure I ever really did" but all I could do was stare at the dark circles that created a crater under each of your soft blue eyes. I wanted to dive into them and hide in you.
You told me you couldn't breathe anymore, that it was hard enough to carry yourself, that you weren't strong enough to save me, too.
I suppose the only difference between loving someone and living for someone is just one letter.
Jul 31, 2015
Jul 31, 2015 at 7:12 AM UTC
I told you about all the times I moved growing up,
counted on fingers that held so many hands,
I danced around with the idea of moving into you,
building my walls around our hearts and putting a roof over our souls.
I guess it didn't matter to me that our foundation was a little wobbly or that I knew an eviction was coming,
I wanted to believe that we would build a house that would last.
but you were a trap not a home,
and I was packing my bags but I couldn't get out in time
so I watched as the walls I built around you and I came crashing down on me.
Jul 20, 2015
Jul 20, 2015 at 11:32 PM UTC
Do I love you or am I lonely?
Perhaps a little of both?
I think I was a little lonely when I decided to love you and then when I loved you I felt more alone than I'd ever been.
Why don't I just leave? Oh I don't know.
I don't think I could survive another fall.
Jun 24, 2015
Jun 24, 2015 at 4:05 AM UTC
What a bitter end it is to sit across from your lover and feel nothing but rage, knowing the feeling is mutual. You still mutter "I love you" and make out under city lights and hold hands as you walk but someone always squeezes a little too hard or bites a little aggressively or is a little too snappy to believe there's anything left. It's all a game and neither of us want to lose. Going down in flames is so much more satisfying than fading away.
Jun 16, 2015
Jun 16, 2015 at 4:31 AM UTC
I knew from the very first moment that you would break my heart. It was part of your charm, I thought I was ready to be broken again, mostly because I thought you would put me back together after. I should have known that people like you come in like a hurricane, leaving everything in ditty ruins.
May 24, 2015
May 24, 2015 at 2:43 AM UTC
I cant keep loving you because you tell me that you couldn't live without me and for a while I thought it was cute and romantic and flattering but now I realize that you have been asking me to carry us both and to save you from yourself but we both know I'm weak and tired and I could barely breathe on my own let alone for the both of us but I think you also know that I'd use my dying breath to give you CPR
May 3, 2015
May 3, 2015 at 3:40 AM UTC
we're okay
if you don't count the tears we cry that put us to sleep
or the scars our hearts are now harboring
or the empty promises of yesterday
and we're okay
if you don't look too closely into our eyes
or watch our lips quiver between words
or listen to our heavy breathes fill the spaces you should have been
and we're okay
if you don't ask us how we've been
or if we've been sleeping enough
or if we're still caught up on the little things you said to us in the middle of the night
Apr 23, 2015
Apr 23, 2015 at 2:28 AM UTC
I will not hear what you have to say
because what you have to say will never be as important as the way you made me feel
Weak
Weak
Weak
I will not hear what you have to say
because you are only allowed so many chances before your apologies wear out
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I will not hear what you have to say
because I am only one person but I carry the weight of a million broken promises
I love you
I love you
I love you
I will not hear what you have to say
because there is a fine line between clever and abusive and you've crossed it so many times
Don't do this
Don't do this
Don't do this
I will not hear what you have to say
because I've realized that you're setting me on fire so you can be warm
I'm not yours
I'm not yours
I'm not yours
Apr 18, 2015
Apr 18, 2015 at 1:07 AM UTC
You used to love me
with such passion and intensity
and I thought it'd never end
but like summer turns to fall
we faded out and fell apart
I used to love you
so strongly and so boldly
and you thought it'd never end
but you didn't even notice
when the leaves fell from our trees
Apr 6, 2015
Apr 6, 2015 at 3:09 AM UTC
I loved you consistently
never failing to let you know
like the sun always knows to rise in the morning
I loved you recklessly
always putting you before myself
like your love was a drug and I was an addict
I loved you entirely
with every fiber of my being I loved you
like the ocean waves love the shore
I loved you
until I didn't
Mar 20, 2015
Mar 20, 2015 at 1:08 AM UTC
She's not there anymore
The girl who used to run up and down the streets in a yellow sundress on the hot days of summer
But shes not there anymore
She grew up to be a wild teenager who met boys at the town carnival on the fourth of July and would leave them with nothing but red lipstick smears
She's not there anymore,
she grew up to be a mother of five little boys and girls who adored her more than anything, who depended on her and learned from her
but she's not there anymore
the woman who laughed so loud and spoke so sweet, who cared more than you could ever imagine, whose smile lit up the room
She's not there anymore
She doesn't remember her grandchilds face or her home address
she doesn't remember her first daughters birthday or what she wore only a day before.
She's not there anymore
she cared so much but now she's just so scared
She lives in the body of that girl, but her mind is somewhere else.
Mar 19, 2015
Mar 19, 2015 at 2:40 AM UTC
It's Saturday night and you're not here,
do you remember the way we would listen to your favorite songs and talk about the moon?
it's Saturday night and you're not here,
do you remember all of the things we used to do?
It's Saturday night and you've been gone a while, but I can still feel your hand in mine.
it's Saturday night and you've been gone a while, and missing you is starting to feel like a crime.
It's Saturday night and I'm with a boy, and he's kissing my lips and he's had a few,
it's Saturday night and I wish he was you.
Mar 8, 2015
Mar 8, 2015 at 4:03 AM UTC
They never told me
that it would be a battle to get out of bed every morning
or that breathing can feel so forced
They never told me
that when the life is ****** out of you
people will notice but they'll never ask
They never told me
that you can feel yourself drowning
but that the water is ******* you farther
They never told me
that you don't have to be buried six feet under to feel so complete dead.
They never told me
that you can learn to stop, drop, and roll,
but the fire will destroy you before you get the chance.
Feb 14, 2015
Feb 14, 2015 at 1:11 AM UTC
Don't let yourself go numb
or let yourself cry in empty parking lots
When you forget what its like when he used to hold your hand.
His hands are rough and strong, and it when you let yourself numb it's not poetic, it's letting him wrap his hands around your throat.
Don't find new ways to poison yourself
when the weight of the missing "I love you's" feels like it's going to crush you.
They were lies and they're going to crack your ribcage in half so they can puncture your heart, and it's only going to feel heavy a little longer so hang in there, it'll be okay.
Don't text him long unreadable messages when you're crying in your room at 1 in the morning because you remember the way he used to hold you and wipe your tears away with his thumb.
He is not that person anymore.
You shouldn't be either.
Jan 19, 2015
Jan 19, 2015 at 12:29 AM UTC
Do you think of me when you wake up at three in the morning and you can't fall back asleep? Do you wonder how I spent my day or if I'm wide awake, too? Do I ever cross your mind as you're drifting off, just like you always used to do? Am I your first thought in the morning, the image of me curled up next to you? Do I still haunt you in your dreams, do you still wake and whisper "I love you"?
I guess what I'm trying to ask is,
do you still love me like I love you?
Jan 12, 2015
Jan 12, 2015 at 4:27 AM UTC
Monday 2:38 pm
I know you're sitting five feet away but I miss you so much.
Tuesday 4:56
At least pretend like you love me when my mom is here. You're breaking both of our hearts today.
Wednesday 9:03 am
I'm mad about what you said to me last night but for the sake of the holidays I'll pretend like I believe your broken apology.
Thursday 8:16 pm
Merry Christmas. This year my wish was for us to remember what the point of all of this was. Maybe next year.
Friday 12:39 am
You're laying right next to me and I can hear you breathing but I don't think either of us are really alive.
Dec 26, 2014
Dec 26, 2014 at 5:42 AM UTC