#sendhelp
I watch my breath dance through the air.
It swirls and glides beautifully until it dissipates in the wind. I take in a deep breath letting the icy air fill my stale lungs. I instantly regret it as they reject the cold in the wonderful way my lungs do. I find myself gasping for air in between the coughs. This time it knocks me to my knees. I note how striking crimson is in the snow. Slowly I drag myself to my feet. How many was that today? Five? Six? I’ve lost track ever since I’ve gotten sick there doesn’t even need to be a trigger for an attack to happen and they’ve been growing more violent by the day. I can’t say I’m not scared. In fact I’m terrified because no one knows exactly why I’m getting worse. But even that would be more bearable if I wasn’t doing it alone.
Dec 26, 2018
Dec 26, 2018 at 6:39 PM UTC
it's just temporary, but the feeling
is sticking with me through day
and night.
it's just temporary, but drowning
for days on end makes me feel
like i'm slowly fading.
it's just temporary, but i want to
feel alive, i want to crave life,
i want to live.
Sep 7, 2018
Sep 7, 2018 at 10:57 AM UTC
I see shadowy images
Of which I cannot count
Passing day in and out
Leaving no trails behind.
They keep staring at me
Like I had many sins
But I cannot blame them
For they see me within.
I want to hide
But they always find me
I want to sleep
Yet they haunt me even there.
Sep 6, 2018
Sep 6, 2018 at 12:39 AM UTC
Mouth over mind;
I could have said that better.
I’m sick and I don’t know how to be helped.
I am lonely in a crowded room.
Grasping for something that
simply isn’t there.
The silence is laced with disrespect,
and the disregard leaches my hope.
Articulation like strangulation,
each sentence a new meal
shoved down my throat.
Perhaps that’s where my appetite fled,
full of past statements
out of context.
I need a break that’s not from a bat.
I need compassion that isn’t laced with guilt.
Above all else I need honesty.
Without that all I have is chaos.
I’d ask you to keep me in your mind,
among all the impulsive desires
to self-indulge.
Jul 16, 2018
Jul 16, 2018 at 9:02 AM UTC
One last ink
And this semester will end
One last ink
Pass or fail will be gone
One last ink
And I will be free from this cage
They set me in
One. Last. Ink
One step forward
To the real world—
Of another papers
Of uneven failures
Of money—
Am I ready for this?
I need another bottle of ink.
Mar 13, 2018
Mar 13, 2018 at 10:50 AM UTC
nostalgia sticks as i try to stop thinking
listening to the intros to my favourite
animes that were more than just a
comfort for so many years.
i want to stop thinking, but i can't.
make it stop. i want to be okay.
make it stop. i'm tired of feeling
exhausted, tired of being depressed,
tired of being nothing more than a
robot to my anxiety and society.
now's my favourite intro. i'm listening,
trying to force myself to remember the
times i watched bleach with my sister,
trying to remember what the happiness
felt like.
make it stop.
please.
Jul 27, 2017
Jul 27, 2017 at 6:40 AM UTC
my demons whisper to me
as i lie awake at night.
they tell me to put them
into words, immortalize
them between the pages
of a book.
but i am afraid that someone
will find them, that someone
will end up with them
in their own head, and i can't
imagine putting someone else
through that.
May 26, 2017
May 26, 2017 at 6:50 AM UTC