#selfpreservation
Not fighting back, just
parry and keep eating when-
ever there is food.
Dec 13, 2025
Dec 13, 2025 at 3:52 AM UTC
You want to be a family, I admire that- I really do
I think too much has happened, in the past, between me and you.
See I learned what soft love feels like,
That I don't think you can give
I don't look at you with stars in my eyes,
Why couldn't you change when I did?
Once you were my universe, and like women before me I held you down
But I don't want my daughter to be generationally cursed to be a man's clown.
They say we're from a line of strong women, and yes I do believe that's true, but I don't want to be strong for sticking it out, I want the strength to forever leave you.
Maybe this is the fork in the road, where my mother chose to stick it out,
I can't raise a daughter on fake love of that I have no doubt.
Really it's up to me, I can't blame great grandma for this gift,
I always thought narcissists move on to a new supply but this man tirelessly tightens his grip.
I can't ask the moon for answers, no- this has to come deep from within, will I have the courage to keep the **** away? Or will I keep our matronly traditional trend?
May 15, 2025
May 15, 2025 at 1:47 PM UTC
this is me
screaming into
the void
a whisper
i am deserving and worthy of love
this is me
constructing pieces
of boundaries
i can't put up yet
this is me
speaking words
that are not lies
this is me
preparing for the worst
this is self-preservation
Nov 30, 2020
Nov 30, 2020 at 8:16 PM UTC
The thorny rose that no one liked;
It lacked a petal and had a thousand spikes.
The thorns that grew from its roots to leaves
Kept the people from touching it.
But, this thorny rose once had no thorns at all;
It just lacked a single petal, tho,
This was enough for it be alone
And cursed by all, oh, so much woe.
So, she cried a million tears
Which soon grew as thorns and nasty leaves.
Now no one gives it a second glance,
But it doesn't really need anyone's touch.
Jul 26, 2020
Jul 26, 2020 at 6:03 AM UTC
I'm comfortable
In the dimness of
My room
I'm warm
Under layers smooth
I'm relaxed
In the silence
Of solitude.
My room small and yet
Large enough
Slightly cramped and yet
Spacious enough
Almost a world away
Nothing urgent
And yet
It all comes crashing down as
I open the door
Let it all in
I don't want to
I know I'll have to
I'll want to
And yet
I don't.
Jun 21, 2020
Jun 21, 2020 at 12:27 AM UTC
since December, the world has turned--
turned into a skeleton place
first far away,
now commonplace
society became a bare-skinned animal
whose bones rattle in the breeze,
the infectious air diffusing
entwining inside us with ease
this animal's labored breathing--
poison emanates from every exhale--
is creeping, swirling, choking, whirling
without a visible trail
this animal roams about freely
without a stay-at-home order,
wraps its tendrils inside each painful breath,
knows not of race, religion, or border
so tell me why we've not tried to tame it,
most wonderful governor dear, oh yes!
your disregard for us, proclaim it!
instead you'd rather have fear, and death!
any call to action now
will have us all still writhing
the lame beast will conquer us,
thanks, to the lack of timing
the bare ***** beast hunts night and day
its being can't be cast away;
arm yourself against its wrath
society must pave its own path
Apr 8, 2020
Apr 8, 2020 at 12:39 PM UTC
I held your hand as you disentangled from her
you did not move closer to me
I assuaged your worst fears
you fueled mine
I was fully present and attentive
you took calls that came in . . . and didn’t call back
I asked questions
you answered different ones
I made you a playlist
you never acknowledged
I made plans and reservations
you did not show
I gave you the benefit of every doubt
you did not reassure me
I made myself vulnerable
you remained ensconced
I created space in my life
you did not explore
I dared to dream about us
you dreamed about . . . I don’t know
I gave you my body
you reached for your phone
I gave you my heart
you did not reciprocate
I get it now
you are just not that into me
Only wish I knew sooner.
Goodbye.
Feb 7, 2019
Feb 7, 2019 at 10:58 AM UTC
My thorns grow
meaner by the day, to
protect my
withering heart from the
rose I cannot claim.
Feb 4, 2019
Feb 4, 2019 at 2:19 PM UTC
And the truth flows free,
And the numbness fades,
And you're left in a daze,
And the pain hits again,
And the feelings you felt...
Well they remain the same.
And you hate yourself,
For feeling anything at all,
For a person who let you fall.
And the hearbeat falters,
And the tears glide freely,
And the fear comes back again.
And the brain goes crazy,
With the self doubting ways,
And ya feel like ya might implode.
Well those are the days...
Those are the moments,
To remember who you are.
Those feelings don't define you,
Nor should they confine you.
And the feelings subside,
And ya pick yourself up...
One broken piece at a time.
And you are now smiling,
And you truly laugh again...
And you find yourself once more,
Well those are the days...
Those are the moments...
That I truly adore.
Dec 26, 2016
Dec 26, 2016 at 12:22 AM UTC
The world tells their young
That abstinence is old fashion, that innocence is over and done.
That to make something of themselves
They must give this much
to someone else
That *** paves the road to success.
What standards should I view best?
Am I a woman now?
Look at me.
trying to understand my insecurity
Wallowing in pathetic purity
They tell me I'll never find love for more than a day
If I can't even let him get to second base.
That I should give my innocence to him,
I should join him in a ****** rhythm.
That I should have fun and forget what the bible has to say,
To find temporary bliss for a night and misery the following day.
Maybe I should fall into the mainstream,
Because popularity should fix my self esteem..
Am I a woman now?
I've tried so hard to lock myself away,
To keep myself pure in the light of day,
But night comes around and leads my thoughts astray,
Maybe *** is just a game we play.
Perhaps I'll test the waters but on the ground my feet with stay
I'll try things out but not go "all the way"
Am I a woman now?
God, I need you here right now.
I went too far and broke every single vow
Of innocence that I pledged to you.
And asking for forgiveness is all I know to do.
Am I a woman now?
Being broken by the worlds expectation,
Being deceived in my contemplation.
Don't ever lose yourself,
Not to birth control or the ****** on the shelf.
Not to boys or to loneliness in the middle of the week,
Be strong, be as much of yourself that you can possibly bear to be.
Because the negativity and hatred of the earth,
Will try to **** your spirit and tell you what your worth.
We're no better than the world and *** is a natural inclination,
But if we are the body of Christ we have a God-given obligation
I'm scared, have I done what I'm supposed to do?
Did I do what's right according to God or you?
Am I a woman now?
That's all I wanted, to be beautiful or gorgeous in someone else's eyes,
But I think I've only accomplished that by the words that humans make into deadly lies.
They looked so appealing and delicious,
But I'd advise you to avoid something so malicious,
Because there's remorse and expensive emotional debt,
When we conform to the world and allow ourselves to forget,
That God made *** a spiritual experience to share as a couple,
Only with each other,
It's a passionate emotion that should be known solely by a significant other,
The two bound by marriage, in spirit, and with rings
So that the world can see they
Can show the world what each spirit brings
To a relationship in Christ alone
In whom my unwavering worth is known.
Am I a woman now?
--Emily Rutledge
Nov 18, 2014
Nov 18, 2014 at 12:42 AM UTC