#selfmothering
Oh, mother
when did I start mothering myself
because you couldn’t?
When did I learn
to wipe my own tears,
to soften my own voice,
to hold myself the way
I begged you to hold me?
Am I healing,
or am I only becoming
my own replacement?
Why do I hear your tone
in my anger,
your silence in my pauses,
your sharpness
when I speak without thinking?
Why do I hate myself
every time I sound like you?
Why am I terrified
that I am slowly turning
into the thing that broke me?
Did I believe I could change you
just by loving harder,
by being quieter,
by being better?
Did I think if I survived enough,
you would soften?
Why did no one tell me
that daughters are not meant
to save their mothers?
Why did I carry hope
like it was my responsibility?
Why does it still hurt
to admit
that love was not enough?
Oh, mother
if I am learning to mother myself,
is that healing
or proof
that no one came?
And if no one could save you,
why did it have to be me
who learned the cost?
Jan 22
Jan 22, 2026 at 12:59 AM UTC