#selfdefeating
It's right there
In a perfect little bow tie but my own desperate, clambering need to be the first to get there leaves me with nothing
All that's left now is the shredded remains..
Scraps -- from which no nourishment can be salvaged.
No morsel contained.
(It is in this moment I realise the terror that resides within myself)
Haunting my endeavours, creeping up and into my personal life...
Weaving it's sickness as a woven quilt to my very skin!
Exposed for all to see
Somehow mortally wounding.
My need for absolution is blinding in a frantic and overwhelming kind of way... I try to fight it but this weakness is unyielding in it's quiet persistent insistence
Like subliminal messages at times it stems seemingly from nowhere-- Polluting the hopes and dreams of those who love me
I feel that I am always improving. (Or at least trying to...)
Striving for a better life
But I feel faulted inside...
A mistake or flaw now too deeply buried to bring to cessation...
It's unresolved conflicts still taking toll on my personal affairs
Still feeding it's sickness back into me...
I feel weak but somehow complete
Lost but not yet alone...
And I think for just a moment before it passes that maybe things are not so fleeting?
But come the end of the day
I know
It must just be me...
Why wouldn't it be?
I ruin it for myself...
Jan 7, 2015
Jan 7, 2015 at 8:32 PM UTC