#selfconcious
The two brothers wait for me arrive home,
They call themselves Anxiety and Fear,
Fear with his grimace smile,
Welcomes me in with his rigid glare,
He takes one look at me,
Reminds me I am vulnerable and fragile,
Anxiety plays along,
With his insolent tone,
Tells me I am an ignorant fool,
Mocking me of my wisdom,
Fear reminds me I am blind,
I know deep down they are right,
Fear is talking with a big smile to Anxiety,
The two brothers begin to laugh as I sit and calculate,
My heart begins to ache,
Anxiety points out the truth,
I can’t deny how I went wrong,
Fear places his hands on my shoulders,
I start to cry as I am unable to conceal these thoughts,
He whispers in my ear he will always be there,
Anxiety places his hands in mine
He always said one day I will suffer
No one to save you,
Like vultures they begin to circulate,
I must stay calm,
I rise firm to my feet,
So you want to mess with me?
Fear retreats to the corner and hisses,
It doesn’t matter what you have to say,
How long you keep these thoughts at bay,
Anxiety continues to linger around,
Analysing every inch and sound,
I was naïve and innocent to follow to your dark psyche,
Fear attempts to shut me up,
Yelling nonsense in my ear,
Anxiety joins in playfully,
Twisting and turning my stomach,
I take a deep breathe,
I will not follow blindly to the devil in disguise,
I will not tolerate these fears and let them ride me,
I will not let anxiety take over my strive,
My devotion will be dedicated to creativity and insanity,
You are just made believed.
The two brothers wince at my capability to be brave,
Anxiety recoils and hallows a piercing shriek,
Fear grimaces and spits venom at me,
I catch the venom and throw it back at Fear,
I owe you nothing
Oct 9, 2018
Oct 9, 2018 at 8:19 AM UTC
_scrub scrub_
_brush brush_
you’ll never be perfect
you’re not good enough
no use in wearing makeup
it can’t work miracles
besides
you can barely get out of bed anyway
slip on that sweatshirt
baggy to cover your fat
look at those fat thighs
the flab on those arms
no wonder everyone who loved you has left
fat
ugly
cover yourself up
shorts are a battle
bikinis an impossibility
might as well just give up
body positivity only works for pretty girls
and trust me
you’re not one of them
Feb 7, 2018
Feb 7, 2018 at 11:23 PM UTC
I live in a mirror and prey on the weak,
My flaws are fixated and clear.
I stutter an mumble whenever I speak,
My voice always trembles with fear.
A blemish or twelve can be seen on my face,
and they sure as hell won't go away.
These problems and faults just consume all the space,
Where my positive aspects should stay.
But what would I know, I'm as dull as a spoon,
Any edges are certainly downsides,
My laugh is obnoxious, my smile appears hewn,
and to think that I dare go outside.
When I talk I assume that they think I'm a freak,
When they probably liked what they heard,
So it gets to the point where I don't want to speak
and that silence says more than my words.
I don't keep in contact or give them a call,
Might as well just cut short the demise.
They're far above me, yeah they stand far to tall,
I won't ever hang out with those guys.
So now I've no lovers, no contacts or friends,
My head now has never been clearer.
A moment of solitude spent never ends
When I'm sat staring back at the mirror.
But when I'm alone I exist less and less,
Until I am merely me.
I realize that I'm far more than a mess,
I am only who I want to be.
I speak what I think and my smile can uplift,
and I am actually quite a good person,
My looks are the wrapper that come with the gift
Things are better, they don't need to worsen.
A moment to love me is all that it took,
To disregard all imperfections.
I would rather have seven years of bad luck
Than live in a fear of reflections.
Nov 12, 2017
Nov 12, 2017 at 6:27 PM UTC
The water is clear
Unlike my mind.
It's murky, foggy, and
as my hand touches the surface,
It ripples.
Breaking the perfection
And I sigh as my face
reflected back to me
How I wish I could be lovely
Like the setting sun
Or the endless oceans
And I feel my face plunge
Forward into the water.
Struggling to breath underwater
The liquid fills my nostrils
And I've drowned
Like Narcissus
But out of self loathing
Rather than unconditional
self-admiration
Aug 31, 2017
Aug 31, 2017 at 7:37 PM UTC
Being as self conscious and
Insecure as I
Means fixing your hair before
Climbing into an empty
Bed
And sleeping alone,
Discontent with myself
In the dark.
Apr 9, 2017
Apr 9, 2017 at 4:06 AM UTC
She stuffed up her bra, puckered her lips,
massaging the ache that came from her new hips.
Her stomach had been tucked, her ***** uplifted,
her calves replaced with something unfitted.
Hey eyebrows drawn on, her contacts unblinking,
"This is my new face", she thought without thinking.
Dec 2, 2015
Dec 2, 2015 at 8:22 PM UTC
Imperfection intertwined deeply within my roots
But with a smile like this, ah
Who's to say what perfection is anyway?
Jun 26, 2015
Jun 26, 2015 at 10:15 PM UTC
What has gone wrong with my mind?
I can’t even interpret every sound
My mind now works like a sinusoidal wave
Trapped in a suicidal cave.
Can someone please turn the next page?
Because even my heart is trapped in this deadly rib cage
I have no love,
That’s why I can’t even go above
God has closed the gate,
Because my heart is filled with hate.
My mind can only think of evil,
Because behind my ear is the devil
My heart and mind are hollow
With drifting blood from my sorrow
I’m too evil to get in the Garden of Eden
I’m too holy to get through the gateway of Hell…
Where should I go?
I don’t even know myself anymore…
May 31, 2015
May 31, 2015 at 8:57 AM UTC