#selfabandonment
you want a steak of me meat and so you tell me to make
enough to feed a family of eight, my heart break
your fast and i hope it’ll last for your sake
i take it back and apologize for your wait
carve me up like lamb but that was my choice
cut, with these too-dull scissors and hope it’s enough
stuffed, but i’m all too empty yet tempting
to taste, and i take pride in my succulent flank
rank, i just want you to like what you see
and if i’m still not worth it, i promise it’s free
and i set this table and i poured the drinks
and i took your orders and i smiled with teeth
and you bared yours and i took it as compliment
preened my feathers and offered you condiments
you cleaned your plate and i guess i thought it meant
that i finally made it the way you like but then
you swept the china to the floor, porcelain poured
all the way to the door, i only wanted you to adore
me, but this here is the cost of want, i pluck up
shards with bare hands and for once my blood runs hot.
Mar 30
Mar 30, 2026 at 8:53 PM UTC
I keep watering a dead grave, hoping something will grow.
Nothing ever does.
And still, I keep trying.
I keep trying, day and night.
Weeks on end.
Because deep down,
I know that if I stop,
Someone else will water the grave.
And something will grow.
Maybe flowers will bloom.
Maybe weeds will sprout.
It could be something wild, untamed.
Something exciting.
Something that grows without needing to be loved.
But it won’t be from me.
It wasn’t my love that helped the grave grow.
It wasn’t mine.
And that kills me.
I wonder to myself.
Why won’t the grave give me something exciting?
Why won’t it grow beautiful plants for me?
Why do all my efforts of trying to make something memorable always go unnoticed?
Maybe I’m not watering a grave anymore.
Maybe I’m burying myself.
And maybe I won’t ever get out.
I know it’s time to let go.
But I can’t.
So instead,
I wait everyday.
Hoping.
Believing something will grow.
Jul 26, 2025
Jul 26, 2025 at 4:46 PM UTC