#sadgirl
I hate giving you the satisfaction
of seeing me like this.
I called you at 3 in the morning
thinking maybe, for once,
I could still be something good to you.
Something useful.
But it was all ********
You used to call those girls stupid.
Now I’m one of them too.
Was I ever different to you?
Or did you just know the right words
for every girl who wanted to feel chosen?
You made me feel special
like it meant something permanent.
Like I wasn’t replaceable.
But where were you
when everything became real?
You said it was true love.
I think true love would’ve stayed.
Now I keep thinking
beauty is just another way to be consumed.
All beautiful girls think they’re loved.
The truth is
people love looking at them.
Not knowing them.
Not keeping them.
You become a body first.
A person later.
Maybe never.
I wish I were smarter than this.
Smarter than waiting.
Smarter than believing you.
My head is full of paranoia and doubt.
Every memory feels poisoned now.
I wish I had never met you again.
Some things don’t heal.
They just learn how to stay quiet.
May 26
May 26, 2026 at 5:17 PM UTC
I was destined to be nothing more than my mother’s mistakes.
I was expected to wear the designs of my father’s pride.
And so, I ran away
and spit in the face of every good christian
who has turned me away.
These southern pines embraced my wounds.
Sitting in their softness,
I understand freedom;
I finally feel release.
Apr 2
Apr 2, 2026 at 11:02 AM UTC
It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen the snow.
I have gotten used to the warmth;
but this place still doesn’t feel like home.
As I walk these streets I’ve learned,
I’m not sure if my feet are even my own.
If I only went back once,
to that beans and bread town,
I could still walk those streets
to my first friend’s house.
And I would still hear condemnation
from the preacher man’s mouth.
But the skies here are kinder
and the winds don’t hurt my ears
I could walk these paths in silence,
let myself be softened by the years.
My mother’s anger can’t reach me here
I can’t feel the absence of my father
when I’m lying on my back
in the sun by the water.
Apr 2
Apr 2, 2026 at 11:00 AM UTC
you feel like a storm
hiding the night
because no star
shall outshine your life
you're too bright baby
never call it a night
never let the light find its way out
be my knight
never let me out
blaze me with your light
never let me match my own heart
you fly,i write
to shove my mind
to the right spot
and type it out
till i remember
the fire i called our love
i'm way too behind
i remember it tonight "we aren't alike hon'"
because you have a spot
where the road has pink stars
and i have a life way to black and white
Mar 29
Mar 29, 2026 at 12:42 PM UTC
No it actually doesn’t get better
I really used to think it did
But my days now are darker than they were 10 years ago
When I tried to end my life
Once
Twice
Three times
And I still think about it
Just now I feel more selfish
Yeah I am loved
Good god I am so ******* loved
That’s why I can’t
But if I were to tell you that ******** about every day “being a blessing!!”
I’d be lying through my teeth
I hate it here
I hate me here
I hate here
I have everything that could make me happy
And I’m not
So no it actually doesn’t get better
And I still think about it
Just now I’m too tired.
May 20, 2025
May 20, 2025 at 4:54 PM UTC
I could thank you for raising me,
For making me who I was meant to be,
But you hated that task.
It showed in your actions, your face—I didn’t have to ask.
Yet you did make me who I am today.
I will never know trust or love in a fatherly way.
Abandoned by my own, scorned by you,
You held my mother’s hands steady as she stabbed me through.
You are the wound I was never meant to have.
Feb 28, 2025
Feb 28, 2025 at 10:51 AM UTC
She’s carried me for far too long. My weight lingers on her shoulders; my barbs leave welts on her back. I lower my head behind hers to give her a moment with her reflection. I keep her awake some nights; her silent tears are a private performance. I’d have moved on long ago, but she can’t let me go. She keeps me close, next to her fear of the unknown. We create shadows on her walls each night when we dance. She’s sewn me into her skin; she can’t wash me away.
But one day, her threads will break.
From her, I’ll separate, and she will be free. And I will move on to the next, hoping I never see her again.
Jan 8, 2025
Jan 8, 2025 at 10:15 AM UTC
You broke my heart with no consequences
where are the cops?
You belong in jail ,
Heartbreak like this should be criminal ,
Jan 23, 2024
Jan 23, 2024 at 9:59 PM UTC
the loneliness doesn't bother me quite as much
as being alone w i t h you does.
Jan 15, 2021
Jan 15, 2021 at 4:16 PM UTC
why should i wake?
only to make my bed.
cleanse my body.
eat without taste.
work myself to the bone.
be overlooked day in and day out.
grieving the loss of what was never there?
where are my answers?
no.
where is my will to live?
Sep 24, 2020
Sep 24, 2020 at 7:42 PM UTC
8/24/20
I apologize to you without knowing my fault
Without the sense of you not wanting me to respond
I’m careless, persistent & overbearing
Because I decided to act impulsively on my feelings
It hurts
It hurts to know I’m not what you want
I’m not
You are everything I want
I didn’t know you weren’t ready to talk
I know too well what that means
You’re moving on without me
I won’t disturb you
Or try to touch your happiness anymore
I’ll vanish beautifully as you wish
Aug 24, 2020
Aug 24, 2020 at 6:01 PM UTC
5/9/20
7:54 am
And nothing else quite mattered
The universe around me didn’t exist
Not that it cared to know that I existed
And I realize I put my heart into treasures of the world
And that is what I could describe what love is to me
Because it’s hard to let go of words written so beautifully, I suppose
The scent of my hair filled the air as I took deep breaths to avoid the tears
With each rip of the brittle, old letter, I ripped matter apart, and ripped at the atoms of my heart
It fluttered symphonically below and returned back to dust just like us
There...
The earth still rotated in an universe that never knew we exist
May 12, 2020
May 12, 2020 at 1:09 PM UTC
3:08 a.m.
4/25/20
I’ve painted you in colors of the rainbow
It reflected every mood that you had put me in
I loved it
I was spiraling downwards on the color orange
It was getting too hot before it even started
That’s a hazard
And here I am again...
Coloring you in black and shades of grey
Because everything you have shown was in a haze
A void that’s refusing to give
You soaked up my white
There is bad intentions in your meanings behind your words
Not everyone’s intentions are pure
Yet, I thought you were different
But, I could count how many times I’ve etched that into a poem
So, they say the sky is blue and it cries sometimes
So, where do I go with this water color blue?
Who do I give it too?
Not you.
I know better now
Painting a picture mixed with red, blue and yellow turns out to be unappealing
It was never serious
This was never serious
You were never serious
But I was
All my shades of blues never counted
Thoroughly disappointed
I smeared the color red with my fingers
I bleed from the color of love
Of what I think love is
Oh how I give
Yellow was always suppose to be mines
It was the most beautiful like the sunshine
That is what I thought I meant in your life
Yet, when the colors of the rainbow mold into one
How did black come and tainted my work of art
May 9, 2020
May 9, 2020 at 11:24 AM UTC
its christmas and the only gift i want is to lose weight
Dec 23, 2019
Dec 23, 2019 at 6:32 PM UTC
loneliness is a place i am terrified
of getting used to but have been
living in it for as long as i can
remember.
it is a house that doesn’t feel like
home; the only lit streetlight in
an abandoned city; the twinkling
star in the vast night sky; the last
note of a song but one that’s fading
away; the room with a bed that
hasn’t been slept in ever since
a lover was lost in the war.
the echoes of laughter of what once;
the lingering touch of our fingers
after our hands had let go;
the wallflower sitting quietly
in the corner of a party.
it is all of these things at once;
but i think, most of all, loneliness
is a friend who i so desperately
want to get rid of—and i do,
at times—yet she’s always there;
waiting for me to take her back.
Dec 21, 2019
Dec 21, 2019 at 9:00 AM UTC
Small movements of the chest
in and out
She's trying her best
Small rolling of the tear
down her face
No one wants to hear
Small shiver of the hand
up and down
So cold she can't stand
Small tap of the feet
as she cries
all 'cause of a tweet
Dec 10, 2019
Dec 10, 2019 at 2:22 PM UTC
Some days, the emptiness isn't even obvious. You're brushing your teeth or putting on your favorite denim jacket or adjusting your wristwatch and it's there, lurking and you don't mind at all. It almost feels normal. Right, even.
But there are days and nights — mostly nights, when it feels colossal, you can't ignore it. There are times when it stares back, it's impossible to pretend it's not there. There are times when it feels out of place and you just sort of wanna dig for what's dead inside, or claw through your ribcages, or crack your chest open — anything, just to get it out of you.
Sep 11, 2019
Sep 11, 2019 at 12:08 AM UTC
she liked vibrant colors.
how could she not?
i mean,
see how striking
red looked
against the paleness
of her wrists
Jul 8, 2019
Jul 8, 2019 at 10:32 AM UTC
It hurts the most,
You were never mine.
I constantly think of you,
But you were never mine,
I wished I'd be the Apple of your eye,
But you've had all the girls,
And you were never mine.
I feel the pain of a million lifetimes,
Of me loving you and you dropping me like a dime.
I've cried ponds, into rivers,
Deep and blue like oceans and seas is how deeply I feel for you.
Knowing you were never mine and pretending to be yours.
Sadly hanging on your words like naive girls for boys.
I release you into the eternity to find the love of which you speak.
I release you into eternity, where you can love everyone but me.
It hurts the most when you were never mind.
I spent lifetimes blindly trying to open your eyes.
C.T. Wordz
Jan 28, 2019
Jan 28, 2019 at 10:18 AM UTC
I like to pretend I'm in love
So I can feel like myself again
Feb 23, 2018
Feb 23, 2018 at 5:02 PM UTC
I trusted you,
by your good advice.
But now I know,
how you feel beside me.
I trusted you,
but you stab my back,
one by one.
Not just once,
but more than twice.
I trusted you,
but now your words
mean nothing to me,
because your action
spoke the truth.
I trusted you,
but this going to end.
Because I know,
I can't trust you anymore.
Feb 14, 2018
Feb 14, 2018 at 4:59 PM UTC
To my brain: "It's sad when the person who mean a lot to you is now becoming a stranger in you life."
Friends and heart: "Try to talk to him, try to fix your mistake, try to tell him what you feel for them, try everything to not let them go."
Me: " I did try, but nothing works. Everything it goes wrong."
Nov 2, 2017
Nov 2, 2017 at 6:19 PM UTC