#saday
The boy that she would never admit that she loved standing in front of her never knew how much she hated herself but now he did.
She's the reason this boy
whose smile could light up the world
was staring at her with tears in his eyes.
The same eyes that resembled the loving hues of blue that laid on the seas and if you stared into them for too long their soft currents could lull you to sleep.
But his eyes looking down at her right now
were nothing like the peaceful currents of the sea.
His black pupils were surrounded by the darkest blues
from the angriest parts of the ocean.
The waves crashing and churning,
threatening to spill over his lashes
and down his beautifully porcelain cheeks.
And for that, she could never forgive her self.
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018 at 11:44 AM UTC
To my room I feel confined.
Trapped.
A prisoner of my own mind.
Ceilings are getting taller
Sweat soaking my collar
My throat is getting smaller
I am barely able to call out her name.
I am getting smaller but my vices and flaws are not reacting the...
same.
The shame becomes too much and suddenly these made up floors turn into made up dust
and the hate I can feel it
in the back of this room.
my mind.
its calling...
these made up floors turn into dust and suddenly
I'm falling.
The pain I feel it in my ears
my mouth,
these locked doors.
I'm falling.
Suddenly there is dust all around me and I'm no longer standing on made up floors.
Suddenly.
The hurt I feel it in the boarded windows,
or...
my eyes?
The hurt I feel it like a shooting pain from wall to wall it stings my thighs.
Suddenly?
suddenly...
the floors,
the dust,
it's all lies.
and suddenly
I'm
falling.
I have been falling.
I am still falling.
How long have I been falling.
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018 at 11:17 AM UTC
Sitting in front of TV screens at 5 years old.
Watching them dance. Watching them sing. Watching them act.
I just want to be famous.
Extra days at the bar only 10 years old.
Turn faster.
Jump higher.
Split bigger.
I just want to be famous.
Dances. Birthdays. Family dinners.
I can't I have practice. I can't I have practice. I can't I have practice.
I just want to be famous.
All nighters in the studio 15 years old.
Write faster.
Sing higher.
Perform bigger.
I just want to be famous.
Parties, tests, sports.
I can't I have to rehearse. I can't I have to rehearse. I can't I have to rehearse.
I just want to be famous.
Spending hours staring at myself in the mirror 18 years old.
Lose weight faster.
Cheekbones higher.
**** bigger.
I just want to be famous.
Dates, interviews, entry exams.
I can't I have an audition, I can't I have an audition, I can't I have an audition.
I just want to be famous.
Spend my weekends at competitions
Dance.
Perform. Smile.
I just want to be famous.
Spend my nights doing shows.
Sing.
Perform. Smile.
I just want to be famous.
Spend my breaks filming.
Act.
Perform. Smile.
I just want to be famous.
Tours at 20
Travelling the world.
Fans at 20
Inspiring people who are just like I was
Money at 20
Being paid to do what I loved
Alone at 20
No dances, no parties, no dates
Bored at 20
No birthdays, no tests, no interviews.
Finished at 20
No family dinners, no sports, no entrance exams.
Famous at 20
I just want to be happy.
Dec 18, 2018
Dec 18, 2018 at 11:13 AM UTC