#ruminating
The things that replay in my head.
Over and over and over.
They won't come out of my lips,
No matter how badly I want to know.
Fear keeps me silent.
Oct 17, 2023
Oct 17, 2023 at 10:13 PM UTC
My facade chases wind
Feigning hot
I actually run cold
The give of the years taking note
Of my spill
Above the old watch talks now.
Being the contempt of points I will have to gather once.
Eventually the control we've both lost dwindles further outside amongst the throng.
Staying near the window to figure it all out an appealing mechanism has a lost lullaby we miss.
I decided to go out for a walk.
Feb 10
Feb 10, 2026 at 1:34 PM UTC
**** my senses through my vices
Ill never taste that silver lining
Staring out the window unable to hear you anymore
Dec 14, 2025
Dec 14, 2025 at 12:24 AM UTC
the anxiety creature
made up of slime and ooze
with sharp claws
that dig into my mind
trying to drag me down with it
whispering in my ears
making me tremble
and ruminate
i try to run and escape it
but it always catches up
i won't stop running from it
soon enough it will tire
and i will be free
May 9, 2025
May 9, 2025 at 1:18 PM UTC
brainless shuffle
c r a w l i n g
nerveless
fog lifts.
tingling fingers
gut drop (you have one of those now)
look up,
knife to chest
the seasons passed without you.
and just like that you can mourn the end of love.
Jan 30, 2022
Jan 30, 2022 at 11:51 AM UTC
Tangled unfinished thoughts
rehearse midnight waltzes
in attempts to fill the gaps
left behind by transient dreams
Mar 12, 2021
Mar 12, 2021 at 1:43 PM UTC
we always look for ways to save ourselves
but not to shelter the miseries of others
empathy is dead in this modern age
fragile labels aren’t made for people
what’s unspoken of in the darkness
keeps us from our true potential
devastated with life
we push through until we die
in the circle of life
survival is never an option
Dec 8, 2020
Dec 8, 2020 at 12:33 PM UTC
You say that you’re proud
That I’m by your side
You shout it out loud
While your chest being wide
Am I your crown
Making you feel like a king
Or just a bangle
Adoring you but meaningless
Am I the light
Of the candle that illuminates you
Or just the wax
The leftover after the fire burns out
I question myself
I have all these doubts
They sit on the shelf
Covered by clouds
I think what would be
If it was not me
Would you be still happy
If I was nobody
Apr 3, 2020
Apr 3, 2020 at 1:08 PM UTC
I contemplate
the inevitability of
Death
Over the course of a
Cigarette
As Otis Redding plays.
I should really stop smoking...
Aug 22, 2019
Aug 22, 2019 at 11:26 AM UTC
He asked,
"What am I supposed to feel looking at these old photos?"
I guess
i wanted him to never forget those memories
The ones we had together
And how much happiness it has brought me.
But also remember that it's all gone
And i have been ruminating about those times
How deeply sad i am
Maybe you felt nothing
But those pictures,
Brings meaning to me,
Even if you don't feel the same
Jul 25, 2019
Jul 25, 2019 at 10:44 AM UTC
this is to my old mister:
i saw that you deleted pictures.
it spread relief through my veins.
it hurts you, too, still, to see my face.
are you angry? or is she jealous?
am i still pretty? how're the fellas?
do you miss me? you still a coward?
pushing petals off cut flowers.
candy with nuts- your special garlic.
i eat them whole and push you farther
than you can move or where you've settled.
for the worst, you've won some medals.
for the best, you've let me better,
but why did you send me that short letter?
there's no time bomb in my belly,
for sometime I was unsullied
of thoughts of you, thoughts of she,
thoughts of them, thoughts of we,
don't know why, i'm still vindictive
since from my heart, you've been evicted.
i wont respond, you get none,
no more of you, from here on.
Nov 12, 2018
Nov 12, 2018 at 12:34 AM UTC
A box of shadows lies dormant in a cluttered altar
Seething in circuitous rage it ravages for a state of tranquility
Clinging to clichés it finds a familiar maze of cognition to pace
Crunch
Time
Crunch
Less of it...
A prosaic necrosis leeching at the lungs of the pure until the labyrinth halts and coughs for another chance to die
But there
A smile permeates
the glass of the half empty and
the being forges on in the wish
of a kiss beyond birth
But no one could want such a putrescent jinn
A miscegenation of indolence and desperation half-cocked to quake at the cackle of a shred of hope...
Her illiterate alliterations go as far as a pebble into the deep where once
She found her depths
Nov 11, 2018
Nov 11, 2018 at 4:07 AM UTC
i live in the past as if its home
it is disgusting
it causes me pain because
every corner
or room
the backyard
another memory creeps up
and im pathetic
it makes me uncapable
unlovable
uncomfortable
i remember each
sound
touch
voice
reminds me of each
person screaming
****** assault
malicious predator
i live in the past as if im stuck there
and i am
Jun 3, 2018
Jun 3, 2018 at 8:01 PM UTC
Tentative tendrils of memories
encircle me today.
I eat, bathe and walk with them;
whispering sweet words;
grazing my ears with kisses
of the past.
I can feel myself weaken,
give in to your misty essence.
What place are you going to take me
to this time?
I know what images you please yourself with
are at least real.
Were real.
Not just sickly cravings, fantasies of an
escapist.
But reminiscing can be painful too.
You coalesce at the corners of my vision;
Beautiful, frail beings of floating moments.
My own ghosts;
you don’t haunt or stalk,
but drift alongside me.
Every few minutes I’ll walk through you,
and images will flood me.
Voices, colours, senses,
emotions;
a pocket of the past to relive again.
This one is fresh.
Recently swaddled and placed in storage.
How considerate of you.
To make me remember what the rapid fall
for a new love is like.
The reserved smiles, thinking you can
peek and they wouldn’t see.
The shy touches, always longing for something
heated.
The small toss and throw, between words,
gestures, hands and hearts and lips aching to
be closer.
The world vanished,
****** into its own black hole,
when I laid eyes on you.
I melted.
Seeped into warm, golden streams.
You left me feeling bold, my
desire unchallenged;
you pulled it out of me
like pulling string out of its coil.
Your arms slowly made the journey
around my slender waist;
holding me close.
I could nuzzle and cling
and I never wanted you to pull away.
Ever again.
Wrapped in each other’s warmth below the
map of stars and before
the beacons of the city,
our kiss was slow and long,
sweet,
sugary taste and warming.
A fire at the first spark, rising from ash.
Ghost, why trail me like this?
On those days I have yet to see him,
I still crave him.
You remind me of that lingering pull.
I sit on that bench where we embraced,
but he isn’t there.
All I know is you ghost.
Hovering beside me,
a still, pale presence moulding
into him.
But you are empty.
A white spectre leaving me wanting.
Stop shedding my memories before me
like dead skin.
They were.
Stop reminding me.
I’m still left yearning after your visit
to my mind.
Rooting through the archives,
trudging through my still weeping pieces.
I pull away, and your vision collapses.
Finally you fade into nothing.
I can be at peace without your play.
Aug 2, 2016
Aug 2, 2016 at 10:41 PM UTC